Ohhh G - clitoral vibrator discontinued by Doc Johnson - review by Magician

I was excited at the prospects of this toy, since it was designed to stimulate both the G spot and the clitoris at the same time, and is small enough to potentially be worn under clothing. I’m also always a fan of standard batteries, and running off a couple of AAA’s is something that is very convenient for me. The toy itself is basically one molded piece of plastic, the only other piece being the removable battery cover. It was smooth and without heft, which was my first indication that perhaps this was not the most thought out piece of technology developed. The toy operated with two buttons: one which gradually increased the power, while the other reduced it and turned the device off. It functioned as a multi-speed vibrator, and was comparable to a standard vibrator’s range of power. The sound, however, is something else entirely.

Let me just say that I’ve had cordless drills that made less noise than this thing. Turning the speed to maximum on this thing sounds like someone is using hair clippers on your crotch. You can muffle it by placing your hand over it, but as soon as you let that battery cover roam free, the buzz will give you away to anyone within two rooms. I would let it slide if the vibrations were equally intense, but that just isn’t the case.

So let’s be frank: unless your clit is exactly 1 inch from your vaginal hole, this toy will not work for you. My wife’s clit to vagina length (apparently that is a thing, who knew?) is above one inch, which means if she wants to use this on her clit, she can’t insert the finger, and if she wants to insert the finger, she can’t reach her clit. For your referencing convenience, my wife is 5’ 4”, of average American weight. I don’t think the CVL (for more lovely information on this part of the human body, look up Princess Marie Bonaparte on Wikipedia) is necessarily correlated with height or weight, but I thought I’d throw that out there in case it mattered.

Also, you should determine how far in your G –spot is, because the plastic finger that protrudes from the toy did not go near deep enough to stimulate anything worth stimulating on my wife. We were lying on the bed, and I had lubed up everything with an expectant smile on my face, ready to insert the toy and watch my wife rock herself into orgasm. What I got instead was a blank stare. “Is it in yet?” is not only degrading for a man, but I’m pretty sure this toy felt a tiny bit of shame as well. “It’s not on my clit,” she said, but when I tried to move it up, the finger jammed into her pubic bone and she let out a yelp. It really didn’t take long to determine that this was not made for anyone without very specific proportions.

In conclusion, this toy was a waste of time. I usually try not to be so harsh on toys I review, but this one was so poorly conceived that I can’t help but think the designers had a single point of reference, and decided that every woman in the world would fit those proportions. It’s like making a pair of pants that’s “one size fits all” out of denim. There is no room for adjustments, and because of that, there’s no room for this toy in our sex life.