Q-teeze - discreet massager by Doc Johnson - review by curlykat

Discreet massager by

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Q-teeze is Just a Tease

If you're looking for a quiet, discreet travel vibrator, save your money for another vibe. This one looks like it'd be great, but because it doesn't work the way it's supposed to and the vibrations are too weak to actually get anyone off, you'll end up being more frustrated than you were before if you try using this one. Good idea, but not well executed.
Quiet, discreet use
Vibrations too weak, Toy too small to be of any use
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


The intended use for the Q-teeze is as a clitoral stimulator. It provides very light vibrations along the entire length, which is very, very short, so don't bother using it for insertion. You'll really understand the the phrase "Is it in yet?" if you do want a toy for insertion. Since it is small, however, it is easy to hide.

The Q-teeze could be a good toy for someone who is brand new to vibrators or someone who is extremely sensitive. By extremely sensitive, I mean someone who can get off by the rubbing of her jeans alone; otherwise you'll need a bit more than the vibrations of this toy. Ideally, the best use is alone, since your partner can provide more stimulation using fingers or any other method of play than this toy can.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Campus/roommate living
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris

Material / Texture

The Q-teeze is very smooth and soft. The tip is even a bit squishy, which actually tends to work quite well for clitoral stimulation since we girls know that something hard and sharp in that area can hurt. There is no smell or taste to the toy.
    • No odor
    • Smooth

Design / Shape / Size

The shape looks interesting, which was the entire reason I wanted to try the Q-teeze. The design added absolutely no function, which left me wondering what was the point of this toy. The size is a bit small, especially since it's advertised to be good for shallow penetration. You won't feel this toy at all in you, and definitely won't feel the vibrations internally.

While small, the size isn't intimidating at all, which may make it more accessible to beginners. It's light, so it's also easy to store somewhere discreet and ideally suitable for travel. The battery performance may impede this discretion, however.
    • Beginner

Functions / Performance / Controls

The instructions said that the Q-teeze had three levels or settings, and these were controlled by the push button on the bottom of the toy. For me, however, I had the option of either on or off and the push button didn't work at all. If the batteries were in the toy and the compartment closed, the toy would be on. To make sure it stayed off, the batteries had to be taken out. Four watch batteries are required, and these won't last all that long. I used the Q-teeze twice, for about twenty minutes each time, and the batteries died completely at the end of the second session.

The vibrations go all along the length of the toy, but again, these are not strong vibrations at all. Normally I think I'm a relatively sensitive girl and can get off pretty easily, but this toy made it nearly impossible to get there. There just wasn't enough vibration to make it worth using. The good news is that these vibrations were so weak that the toy was so quiet I could turn it on and my partner in the same room couldn't hear it.

I didn't test the Q-teeze extensively in the water, though I did submerge it completely to wash it. It appears to be completely waterproof, as advertised, though again, if the battery compartment is closed, which is required to use water on the toy, the toy will be on.
    • Battery guzzler
    • Not enough variety
    • Weak

Care and Maintenance

Since the Q-teeze is waterproof, it's easy to clean. The smooth surface also means it's an easy to clean toy with just water and some soap. As mentioned already, I had to take the batteries out of it to store the toy, which is why I marked that it's difficult to store: to make sure it didn't accidentally come on (it will, even if you think you've figured out how to turn it off without disassembling it). While testing out the toy, I stored it with my other toys without a problem. Since this toy doesn't work very well for me and takes so many batteries, I plan to throw it out.
    • Difficult to store
    • Easy to clean
Follow-up commentary
I actually did end up throwing this thing away. It never worked well enough in any way imaginable to get me off, so what's the point? Also, the batteries (watch batteries) were a pain since they were drained so quickly.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
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  • Edited reviews: 608
  • Ryuson
    Thanks for the review! I'm sorry that this one didn't quite work out for you!
  • frisky069
    good review!
  • Miss Anonymous
    Just from looking at the picture of the toy. It looks like something that WOULD NOT agree with me! I see it didn't work for you, you only gave it 1 star! BUMMER! but like you said, a beginner may enjoy this. I don't call myself a beginner but nor am I ADVANCED... I'd call myself a in between lol haha
    Thank you for the review! I enjoyed reading it
  • curlykat
    @Miss Nessa

    Thanks for the kind words! I'm in the same boat... by no means am I new to vibrators, but I wouldn't say I'm an expert in them all, either. Glad you enjoyed the read!
  • angel142stx
    Thanks for the review
  • married with children
    good review, thanks for sharing.
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