John Holmes personal pump - penis pump by Doc Johnson - review by DaniDarling

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A Problematic Pump

We were rather disappointed with this product. We weren't really sure what to expect, but feel that it didn't do anything beneficial whatsoever. It is unlikely we will even bother trying this pump again.
Simple vacuum release, easy to pump.
Hard to get a good vacuum, terrible lube, left us very frustrated.
Rating by reviewer:
useful review


The John Holmes personal pump is supposed to make his erection harder, bigger, and last longer. Penis pumps can be used on men who may have difficulty getting an erection or maintaining one. While my lover does not have those issues, we wanted to see if we could benefit from using the pump.

This pump is designed to be hand held and may require some assistance to use. It is recommended that you use lube with this pump, to get a better vacuum. It came with a small bottle of lube, however it was VERY thick and gooey. It was very greasy lube, and made it very difficult to hold on to the pump. Just wiping my hands with a towel was not enough to get it off. I had to stop and go wash my hands.

Material / Texture

The John Holmes personal pump is made of hard plastic, and has a rubber cap on the end.
When I opened the box, it had a VERY strong plastic and chemical smell. It was very unappealing, but after a couple days the smell faded.

Shape / Design / Size / Fit

It has a rubber opening on the bottom where you insert your penis. This is a bit stretchy, to accommodate a variety of penis widths. This rubber cap is intended to keep the opening air tight so you can get a good vacuum, however we found that this cap kept unsealing, and therefore we lost the vacuum and had to keep retrying.

Functions / Performance / Controls

On the side of the pump there is a small hole that you put your thumb over while pumping. It is there so when you are ready to release the vacuum it is as simple as taking your thumb off of the hole.

With the rubber cap on the bottom, it was very hard to get a good seal. We did get one good seal, but it took about 5 attempts, and even then the results left much to be desired.

Care and Maintenance

The John Holmes personal pump cleans up easily with soap and water. I would recommend just wiping this down, not submerging it. The pump has a metal spring inside, and getting that wet may eventually cause it to corrode. I would rather be safe than sorry.


The packaging was a simple cardboard box, with a rather raunchy photo of John Holmes sporting a rather large erection.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Do you like this review?
  • Kayla
    It's really called the John Holmes? That's hilarious in itself. Thanks for the review. Smile
  • Sammi
    Too bad this doesn't work. That is quite an amusing name for this Smile
  • ......
    Nice review, thanks!
  • Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
    Great review, shame it did not work.

    And what is with them giving this the name of John Holmes! Tongue out
  • Mr. Poopy Pants
    Thanks for the heads up!
  • pinkzombie
    Thank u
  • Blooddragon
    Thank you for the review!
  • Kdlips
    Thank you for the review!
  • Jon S
  • Undead
    thanks for the review
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