Adammale toys cock rope vibrating cock ring by Topco Sales - review by Slave 2 the Machine

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Something Worthless This Way Comes....

In the end, this toy is an unholy trifecta: Miserable vibration, arthritic grip, and a general feeling of 'ew'.

As such, it fails in each category that it wanted to excel in.
Makes a Special-Ed.-quality flogger.
More pleasurable than slamming your dick in a door.
Low-quality vibrations.
Odd material feel.
Needs duct tape to hold to cock.
Rating by reviewer:
useful review
I'll be frank: The toy's title takes longer to say than any pleasure that can be derived from it.


Like many sex toys for men, there truly was no expense spared on the packaging. In fact, I suspect there wasn't any expense spared for it, at all. It's nothing more than copier-paper-thin cardboard backing with the run-of-the-mill beefcake with a 'sexy' (read: vapid) stare into the blank nothingness of a camera lens. Topped off with some pseudo-80's graphics and lofty promises of being taken to the heights of pleasure... Let's move on.


Regardless of what the materials listed on the card (silicone, naturally), this actually brought back a single childhood memory as to how it felt lying in my palm:

If you can remember those sticky-hand toys that you'd pay a quarter for from a mini-bubble vending machine at the grocery store, you're on the right track! Now, let it sit out for a month or two until it has sapped the hair and carpet fibres from anything it came in contact with while simultaneously losing all ability to stick... I think you know where I'm going with this.

Even so, I swore to my partner that I would give this a fair shot. Although, once she saw the look on my face as I agreed, I think even she knew that there'd be no joy derived from this thing.

Though, as a plus, the toy made a great 'distraction' for my dog, who thought that it was HERS and tried snapping at the thing, thinking it was a new chew toy. (Mercifully, it was not in use, at the time.)

If you are made of stern stuff, read on. Otherwise, turn back now... Then again, if I had to suffer, so should you. Read on! Yah, mule!
By now, dear reader, you could probably assume I didn't have high hopes for this 'pleasure apparatus.' As a wise man/woman whose name is lost to the ravages of time once said, 'If you always assume the worst, you'll never be disappointed.' And oh, how correct they were.

After ensuring I was stiff enough to wrestle with the bastard offspring of Cuthulu, I decided to give this thing a shot.

First off, it's a bit awkward to tie any form of knot using a material just short of stiffened jelly around flesh. Worse yet, the 'tendrils' held a mind of their own, each independent of the other, resulting in quite a bit of useless flopping about.

After tear-laced with laughter on both ends of the bed, I tried for 'take two.' After getting it wrapped around my cock, I noticed something occurring that it wasn't supposed to do: It was slipping. Quickly.

Since I knew this wasn't one of the 'features,' I checked the card. 'Stays in place.'

No, it wasn't. It was slithering every which way it could in an effort to make an escape, as if it wanted nothing to do with being pinned between two bodies. How did I manage to get the prudish sex toy?!

And the 'vibration' function that would provide hours of penisy pleasure? It barely functioned! The feedback from a cell-phone set to vibrate would have been stronger. It was, bar-none, the weakest bullet I've ever experienced.

(As an aside, I did discover a useful application for it: It makes a decent flail with a slightly satisfying 'slap' against skin if you're into sensation play, have someone who's just starting out into BDSM or just want something more forgiving than chain, but not as loving as leather.)
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My Adammale toys cock rope vibrating cock ring tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Flogging. that's about it. can be worn during masturbation if you've never done it before.
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Nowhere.
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Featureless.
    • Other than that
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • As long as it isn't for it's intended purpose.
    • Could be used anywhere else
This review was edited by
  • tim1724 tim1724
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Do you like this review?
  • Jul!a
    Wow that sounds awful! Were you able to tie it behind your balls at all?

    Great job for a first review
  • Slave 2 the Machine
    @Sam (aka Julia)

    'Can you tie them in a knot/Can you tie them in a bow...'

    If there's one thing that it does appropriately, it does STRETCH to quite a length.

    As such, yes, they could be tied behind the balls. Problem is that you'd have to double-knot the thing to get it to stay, unless I just tie weak knots.

    And I know someone, offhand, that can attest that I don't.
  • Slave 2 the Machine
    @TO ALL

    Huh. 'First' review, and I have to point out a few bits that I feel are 'inacurate.'

    1. I feel I'm mistaken when I called this 'silicone.' It actually, upon further feeling up, appears to be some mishmash of plastic and rubber. Silicone -- not even low-grade silicone -- feels like this.

    2. A positive I left out. This sucker STRETCHES quite a bit. While you may be put off by the 'advertised' uses of the toy, it could theoretically be used as:

    A tie-down to a bedpost.
    A flogger.
    A slingshot.
    A vibrating tongue ring.
    Revenge against your neighbor, cat, dog, chinchilla, etc.

    But, really, it still sucks harder than a Catholic school girl at prom. And not in a good way. Avoid/use at own risk.
  • Slave 2 the Machine
    * Silicone -- not even low-grade silicone -- feels like this.

    AHEM. Silicone -- not even low-grade silicone -- DOES NOT feel like this.
  • CuteDee
    Loved your review!! = ) Awesome job! Sorry it didnt work out for you though... My bf isnt all that into cock rings either so I guess I should stop buying them for him!
  • Slave 2 the Machine

    It's not so much that it 'didn't work out' for me. I don't really think it could work out for -anyone-, really.

    Although, medal to the first one that can!

    There are some pretty good rings out there, somewhere, I'm sure. I'll have to poke around.
  • DTV88
    HAHAHA this review is hilarious. sorry it sucked so bad for you man.
  • Slave 2 the Machine

    Well, what can I say? I took one for the team.
  • Maiden
    Hilarious review! Good job. Sorry this one sucked so bad, but at least you have saved us all from buying it!
  • Slave 2 the Machine

    If I can prevent at least one person from buying a substandard sex toy whose merit doesn't go beyond curiosity...

    I've done my job.
  • ZenaidaMacroura
    This sounds absolutely TERRIBLE! Thanks for reviewing this awful piece of crap.
  • Slave 2 the Machine

    Your thanks will help more than the multiple sessions of therapy I'll need, now.
  • M121212
  • sktb0007
    Thanks for the review, what an interesting product :/
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