Optimum big man's pump - penis pump with bulb by Cal Exotics - review by Mewt

The Big Man's pump is a bulky, dissatisfying toy for those of average or below size, and probably not even worth it for those well endowed. I got the pump out of curiosity, and I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it because it would have been a waste of money. It's big. It's a hassle to use, and it really doesn't do much of anything.

The tube is made out of a sturdy plastic and doesn't feel cheap at all. It's big however, VERY big. 12" is the length of the ruler on the side of the tube, and the toy really feels more like a novelty than something you'd get for actual use. No matter how big you are, you'll still feel small inside of the tube. That's not something you want out of a device meant to increase your size. The ruler on the side of the tube is a nice touch for those looking to measure their before and after length, but sadly it's not going to be that accurate. From my uses, I've found that all it will do is bring you to your actual max length. For example, if you are 6" and you get hard one day, but not to your fullest, you might find yourself starting below 6" and ending at 6". The giant words written across the side read "ENLARGER", and it's not only a lie but a major eye sore. The hose and the pump are sturdy, easy to use, and the quick release works without any hick ups. The pump also gives off a small, unwelcome smell after use.

The pump comes with three size inserts, but even the smallest user will probably end up using the largest sized insert because it's the easiest to get off. The inserts are actually slightly smaller than the tube, so they need to be stretched around it. It's kind of a pain to do. Because the inserts are jelly, it makes them very unsanitary, so don't go sharing them with others. The inserts don't seem big enough though. Even the biggest one seems small because once you start pumping, the suction tries to take your balls inside the tube as well. This becomes a problem when you're TRYING TO TAKE THE THING OFF. Even after releasing the suction you need to fight with the insert to get everything out without pain. The biggest insert, although making it easier, still has this problem and you're pretty much left with using the best of the worst.

The sad reality is that this pump really doesn't do anything. It's like if you put your lips to a bottle and suck. They get sucked in. They didn't get any bigger; you just stretched them out a bit. That's pretty much all this pump does. It stretches you out just a tad bit farther then you would be able to by hand. It doesn't make you thicker, and it doesn't make you any longer than you once were. It just puts you at your natural maximum length. Now, that might sound slightly appealing, but the second you hit that quick release, you're back to what you were when you started. This isn't something that you'd use before sex to give your partner just a bit more, unless your partner wants a giant plastic tube inside them.

Everything about this toy screams novelty even though it's trying to take itself seriously. It's too big to be used without having to manhandle it. The giant words down the tube are off putting. It's a hassle to set up. It's a hassle to use, and it's a hassle to take off. There's little to no noticeable difference during use, and there's no lasting affect. If you're looking for a gag gift, you might consider this, but if you're actually looking for a pump, this should be the last option.

I wanted to get a pump out of curiosity. I figured what's the worst that could happen? It either does nothing and I learn that and never get another one, or it has some sort of effect, and it proves itself worth having around. I figured a bigger pump was better just in case, so I went with the Big Man's Pump and boy what a mistake that was. This thing is huge, in both its length and width, and it's not a good thing. When I saw the picture with the word ENLARGER on the tube, I thought it was photo-shopped. It wasn't, and it looks terrible. Before even using the thing, I was already hating it. I pulled out the blue insert (small) to start and had to fight with it to get it around the tube. Finally I get it on (barely) and start using it. There was no feeling from using it what so ever. Then, before I knew it, it had sucked one ball into it. I hit quick release and tried to slip it off, but that wasn't happening. I needed to fidget even more with the insert to get it off. After removing it, I swapped to the purple insert (medium). It was the exact same result. Once again, I tried with the pink insert (large) and still the same result. It was like Goldie Locks but all three options didn't work out. This would have been great, as a joke, for one of my friends, but no one should actually consider this thing as an actual pump.

After daily use for about a month, nothing really changed about this pump. Although it seemed easier to use and was slightly less annoying to remove, it's still a oversized pain. It's a situation where using a bad product so long you get use to it, but it still doesn't make it any better. Don't bother with this pump unless you happen to be 10+ inches or enjoy toys that are a hassle.