Healing sex - book discontinued by Cleis Press Inc. - review by mama2007

This book was designed specifically for sexual trauma a survivor has gone through in one point of their life. This book has a lot of detail and helpful advice for survivors of different kinds of abuse and trauma they have experienced in their life before, and are wanting to heal from their feelings and move forward in their sex life and emotionally.

The chapters of this book are as follows:

Chapter 1: Safety, somatics, and sexual healing includes:
The choice to heal
Safety and sexual healing
What's down the road, anyway?
Somebody to lean on: Self care and support
Somatics: Including your body in healing
Safer sex
Getting started
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 2: Desire and Pleasure includes:
Discovering your pleasure and desire
Desire is in your body
Your sexual self education
The complexity of desire
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 3: Dissociation includes:
Checking out
Dissociation and you
The road back: Healing dissociation
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 4: Self Denial includes:
Survival is a powerful act
Sexual aversion: Who needs sex, anyway?
Sexual compulsion: Sex as the only way
Healing self denial
The end of self denial
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 5: Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information is Powerful includes:
Where did you learn that?
Sex information and sexual abuse
So what is that thing? A lesson in sexual anatomy
Sexual response cycle
Gynecological issues
Your body
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 6: Masturbation and Self Healing includes:
Self loving
A bad rap
Your keystone to healing
But I don't want to masturbate
Five steps to great masturbation
How to touch yourself
A masturbation date
Sex toys, fantasies, and porn
Compulsive masturbation
Mutual masturbation
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 7: Consent and Boundaries: The yes, no, and maybe of Sex includes:
What is consent?
Sexual abuse and unwanted sex
Embodied consent
Informed consent
Knowing what you want
Communicating consent
Yes, no, and maybe vignettes
Negotiate before you play
Response from others
Healthy risks
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 8: Partner Sex includes:
The good, the bad, and... the pleasurable?
Choosing sexual partners
Let's talk about sex
How to meet sexual partners
Flirting and kissing
Go out there and have fun!
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 9: Oral sex includes:
Cunnilingus
The how to's of cunnilingus
Cunnilingus and triggers
Fellatio
The how to's of fellatio
Fellatio and triggers
Rimming
The how to's of rimming
Safer oral sex
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 10: Penetration includes:
Vaginal penetration
The how to's of vaginal penetration
Anal penetration
The how to's of anal penetration
Safer penetration
Penetration and triggers
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 11: Embracing Triggers includes:
What is a trigger?
Map to recovery
Embracing triggers: This way out
Trigger plan and tools
Tell it like it is: Communication and Triggers
Safewords
Troubling desire
Healing triggers outside of partner sex
Taking a break from sex
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 12: The emotions of healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This includes:
You have to feel it to heal it
The five stages of emotions
Emotional centering
Emotional sourcing
Emotional healing
Being witnessed in your emotions
Sex guide excersises

Chapter 13: S/M, Role Playing, and Fantasy includes:
S/M 101: Consent, power, and sensation
Exploring the edges
S/M and survivors
S/M as "Acting out" abuse
Vanilla role playing
Fantasy
Sex guide excersises

If you've been through sexual abuse, trauma, or sexual assault in your life at all and it's effected your sex life in a negative way then this book will help you to understand your feelings in a bigger picture on how to best deal with them as a survivor and to make yourself more comfortable with masturbation, oral sex, and anal/vaginal sex as you feel comfortable with.

This book has a lot of excellent information that will help you and can help your significant other understand what you need to work through to be confident and feel okay with doing some/all things sexually with them. I still have a hard time sometimes, but hopefully this book will help me more with things.