Mini Mini Mediocre Monkey

The Mini Mini Monkey is a small, remote controlled bullet that is unbearably cute. It's quiet, has an interesting design, and would make a suitable toy for beginners. However, the vibrations are disappointingly weak, and the toy itself is rather poorly constructed. I wouldn't say it's extraordinary, but it's not horrible either. An average toy, that is simply adorable in appearance.
Small, portable, quiet, unbearably cute.
Weak, poorly constructed.
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


The Mini Mini Monkey is an adorable remote controlled bullet-style vibe, intended for external stimulation. It would be suitable for use on your nipples, clitoris, or any other erogenous zones. It could also be used to lightly tease the vaginal opening, but do NOT attempt to insert this toy. Let me point out that this toy is very small, very bumpy, and lacks a flared base. And while, yes, the cord could possibly be used for retrieval, it's also rather thin & flimsy, and in my opinion could easily break. Do you really want to take the risk of getting a monkey stuck up your cooch? My advice: Don't. If you MUST try & insert this toy, at least toss it in a condom & tie it off first. As a side note, PVC is porous and can house bacteria. It is unable to be sterilized. For these reasons, I would advise you to not share this toy with a partner, or attempt to use it anally, unless you also plan to cover it with a condom.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Campus/roommate living
    • On a bed only
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris
    • Erogenous zones
    • Nipples

Material / Texture

The Mini Mini Monkey is made of Polyvinyl chloride (PVC). The material is completely smooth (though the toy itself is bumpy), and has no discernible taste, but a very light scent. The smell is unnoticeable unless you're trying to shove the toy down your nostrils, and it seems to fade a bit with time, as well as multiple washings. The material is somewhat squishy, and reminds me vaguely of one of those squeaky dog toys. As I mentioned above, there's really no texture, aside from the shape of the monkey itself which lends some unique sensations.

The wire connecting the monkey to the remote is, I believe, plastic coated. Unfortunately, the wire is also very thin, and feels incredibly flimsy. I wouldn't be surprised if one accidental tug or kink would snap the cord, or dislodge it from the toy/remote. The remote itself appears to be made out of a clear, transparent plastic. This too felt very cheap, and honestly feels like it could easily fall apart or otherwise break. I'm seriously unimpressed with the quality of materials.
    • Bumpy
    • Flexible
    • Light odor

Design / Shape / Size

The Mini Mini Monkey is shaped like-- well, a monkey. A monkey with a cord coming out its butt cheek, attached to a remote. A monkey with a brown banana (yes, that IS bothering me). A monkey with eight feet-- or are those toes? But most importantly, a monkey with a smile. A monkey that is happy, ready, and willing to please.

Our cheerful little friend is roughly 2" tall, and 1 3/4" wide. It is attached to a 4" long remote via a 26" long wire. The remote of the toy is transparent, allowing you to see the inner mechanisms, batteries, etc. It seriously reminds me of an old GameBoy my grandma used to have. It's also a very comfortable size and shape to hold in your hand, and the dial that dictates the power level is easy to control with your thumb. The toy would be fairly easy to hide, and pretty decent for traveling. It is not waterproof (seriously, there's a decent sized opening in the remote where the cord is inserted), and should not be submerged. You'll also want to take care while cleaning this toy, as the bottom of the monkey lacks any type of covering. Flip it upside down, and you'll see the butt end of a white bullet staring back at you. Again, I'm unimpressed.

Functions / Performance / Controls

The Mini Mini Monkey runs on 2 AA batteries, which can be inserted in the back of the remote. The battery compartment is a little nifty in that the lid can't be fully removed. It's actually attached to the rest of the remote, which will thankfully prevent me from losing it. A dial on the front of the remote controls the vibrations. It has a star in the center of it, and tiny, barely legible words which read 'on' and 'off'. Turning it to the left will activate the toy, and if you continue cranking it, it will also increase the intensity.

Let me start by making something abundantly clear. This toy is not powerful. The lowest setting is pretty weak, and the highest setting is only slightly stronger. There's not much discernible difference between the speeds. At its strongest, it's only moderate in strength. The vibrations are very buzzy and soft. Definitely pleasant, but not mind blowing. It will probably be sufficient for most people, but really wasn't powerful enough for me.

The vibrations can be felt all over the toy, but are strongest near the top of the monkey's head and ears. As strange as it sounds, I actually really enjoyed the bumpy shape of the monkey while in use. The body of the toy gives you a few different types of stimulation to be had. The head is smooth and rounded, and covers a surprisingly large area. The ears work nicely for more pinpoint stimulation. And the face and feet provide some very interesting texture.
    • Easy to use
    • Weak

Care and Maintenance

The Mini Mini Monkey is compatible with both silicone and water-based lubricants. After you're done monkeying around, be sure to wash this little fella with some warm water, and antibacterial soap. You could also use your favorite toy cleaner instead. Take care not to submerge the remote, or the monkey itself under running water. If you want to be on the safe side, use a wet, soapy rag to wash him up. Dry completely before storing.


The Mini Mini Monkey came in a clear clamshell case, molded to fit the remote and uniquely shaped bullet. No instructions were included with the product. Minimal details were included on the packaging, such as what batteries it takes, what the material is, and the fact that it is "multi-speed". The largest, main portion of text reads, "Everyone loves a monkey and everyone loves a powerful little multi-speed bullet too! The Mini Mini Monkey...tickles your fancy, stimulates your clitoris...perfect for serious sex or just monkeying around!" Information on obtaining a warranty for the toy is also stated on the back. I saved the packaging to use for storage, as it keeps the toy safe and the cord free from getting tangled or damaged.
    • Minimal

Personal comments

I'm really torn about this toy. There are a few good things about it, and then some not so good things. I can't say I love it, can't say I hate it. It's just.. meh. Neither here nor there.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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  • Contributor: Selective Sensualist
    Hey, maybe this li'l monkey just likes those chocolate-dipped bananas (no, not THAT kind of chocolate-dipped -- get your head out of toilet! I mean the frozen kind . . . ). Very cute and informative review!
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
    Lol, maybe. Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.
  • Contributor: TexasBrat
    I was also looking at the brown banana. Too bad that it's such a hard-to-care-for bullet. That's a bit on the con side. Thanks for the honest review! It was "swingin'"! LOL
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
    Haha, thanks for reading!
  • Contributor: Sammi
    Huh - maybe with a banana dildo

    Great review!
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
    Thank you!
  • Contributor: sweet seduction
    great review
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
  • Contributor: mllebeauty
    That brown banana makes me sad, though the monkey is awfully cute. Sorry it doesn't thrill you. Great job.
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
    Thanks for reading!
  • Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel
    Thanks for the review, its great that you're very honest. Even before I read your review I had a feeling that it was not a good toy. I love strong vibrations and thought cute he didn't look like he could deliver. Even with a brown banana, lol
  • Contributor: Splendwhore
    Lol, thanks. I like to tell it like it is!
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