Turn me on vibrating panties - vibrating panty by Booty Parlor - review by byteme97

Turn me on vibrating panties

Vibrating panty by Booty Parlor

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When you're done throwing money at strippers, you can start throwing it away on batteries...

I usually try to find something redeeming in everything I test, but here I find myself not able to even do that.
Um... Hmmmm... Shiny buttons...
Battery Life, Noise, Functionality
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review
Well, let's start with the panties which do not vibrate (but that's just semantics). This whole package goes a little wonky. The panties themselves are cute but aren't really panties in that they are not traditional pull on undies. While this does make them easier to "Size," the execution is lacking. They are essentially a pair of black lace panties cut at the hip where the waistband would be. In place of elastic is a pink satin ribbon for keeping them up and size adjusting. I do understand the principle here. No need to order 3 different sizes to see if you're a 6, 7, or 8 in the specific cut, and in that there is a good bit of forethought.
The problem is keeping your panties up with satin ribbon is much akin to cutting firewood with an emery board. It's just not the right tool for the job. You would have to over tighten and double knot these to overcome the slick nature of satin on satin.

In the crotch of the panties is a soft pouch for inserting the multi-speed/multi-pattern, wireless remote bullet, the details of which we'll hit in a moment. This is a fair location, probably not perfect alignment for all, which is another small nod to the panties adjustability, which is not as infinite as the amount of readjusting unfortunately. The panties can then be worn and controlled remotely by you or your significant other (or even an insignificant other) to control the speed and pattern of the vibrations.

The remote is maybe the best part of this plan. Powered by a single A23 battery, it is a 2" by 3" black plastic rectangle with a nicely back lit LCD screen telling you what number vibration you are on and even a small graphic representation of the pattern. There are two silver buttons on the face below the screen, one for on/off and one which cycles to the next pattern in line. The only remote downside (like many toys), no ability to go back to the previous setting without going around the horn.

Now to the bullet. Basic black in color, it is about 2 3/4" long and a good 1" in diameter with a tapered bullet dome on one end and a flatter back side where the antenna wire protrudes. It is very similar to most remote vibes. The wire itself is a simple loop about 3" long and very thin. It is a bit sizable when you think about it's position in the panties. In fact it was larger than I had anticipated. It makes wearing it potentially uncomfortable as it would be like sitting with a hard plastic rod in your undies. No actually it's not like that, it is that. The bullet appears waterproof (though not tested as such) with a screw on dome end where 3 N sized batteries (more on that in a bit) provide power to bullet, and there is a poly o-ring which seals this space. If there is a leak potential, I would put it at the antenna end as I could not see that it had a particularly good looking seal of any kind at the entrance to the bullet.

The vibrations are good leaning towards very good. As for the sound, it is a bit loud and it transmits through solid surfaces readily, so a quick buzz at the diner in a hard laminate bench should be covered by a reach for a phone to save potential onlookers. We found even with the TV on in the bedroom it was still audible from a good 4' away. There are ten settings in all, low/medium/high speed solid vibration, and then seven (yes seven) varying patterns from escalating, to up and down speed transitions, to Morse code style patterns. These Morse code pattens are the most interesting because they tell a tale. They are Morse code for "FEED ME!!!!". This thing eats batteries like nothing I have seen before. It took no fewer than nine batteries to go through a two session test. And as N batteries are not cheap, nor have I found a cost effective rechargeable solution, this raises the maintenance cost here to unbearable.

The final straw with this is that you could almost (well even that's a stretch) live with the fuel consumption if it functioned properly. Fact is, the remote range dwindles as it runs because of the batteries (assumed). We found it at one point to only respond to the remote while the two parts were in actual physical contact (7 minutes roughly from when it was started from 5' away).

Cute idea, poor execution at nearly every turn. Unfortunately, not worth it.

And you don't even get a decent pair panties for later use.
Follow-up commentary
I have salvaged the remaining batteries and given this one a burial ceremony at Our Lady of the Round Can...
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
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  • Jul!a
    I am so sorry these blew so hard for you. That really sucks. But thanks for sucking it up and giving us a great review anyway
  • Jobthingy
    LOL! Morse code for feed me. Great review. Thanks for taking one for the team
  • ToyGeek
    Wow, these sound dreadful! Loved the emery board analogy.
  • ~LaUr3n~
    Damn! I wanted these to be good
  • Porfiriato
    Sorry they didn't work out, great review though
  • byteme97
    We can all hope I got a dud but I seriously can not recommend them in good conscience. Thanks to all for the feedback.
  • Kim!
    It's a great review even if they did suck terribly. This is one of those things that just leaves me wondering who gets to design these things and why I don't have their job.
  • Danielle1220
    Great review!!
  • Selective Sensualist
    Excellent review! You had me laughing quite a bit while still imparting great info.
  • Airen Wolf
    Great job taking on for the team, as it were! On to the next!
  • toxie m
    This sounds awful! Loved the review, a very entertaining and informative read
  • deltalima
    Thanks for sharing
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