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On Dominance and Drudgery

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When we think of words like “slavery” and “submission,” the immediate connotations are so often unpleasant. As a Black American, descended from human beings who were enslaved, bought and sold and dehumanized for generations, it took me years to come to terms with my own desire for submission, with my own capacity to eroticize submission to the will of another.


Contributor: SaiDiscordia

What a GREAT article! That is exactly it! Give the order, but remember your manners. Make us do the work, just remember to show care.

Contributor: GenericName

Amen! I've never in my life enjoyed chores or housework, but, my Mistress talks about, when we eventually live together, getting me a french maid uniform and having me keep house for her while she's at work, and I get all tingly and warm. Why? Because of the care and appreciation and love she shows me, just like you've said. Anyone else in any other way, I'd be laughing in their face. But she makes me want to be good for her, to make her happy, because she makes me so happy. It's not about the chores, it's the context and emotions around them.

Contributor: Twisted Angel

Although I am not in a BDSM relationship I think those truths can be held in any type of relationship. We do what we do for another because it is appreciated and we are shown that appreciation. Like you I loathe doing dishes but like you if I got that every time color me a dishwasher. Great article and detail to being honest, in every aspect about our expectations in a relationship

Contributor: biancajames

The flipside of this are the (usually white, male) subs who claim to be service submissives but behave in totally selfish and manipulative ways. It's got to be a two way street for everyone involved!

Contributor: Ashley Fraser
Ashley Fraser  

What you say is true, both in what not to do and how to do it. I will add that thought is what matters. I have had subs where I make them do housework but for themselves though to my odd but exacting standards (each sock folded separately and each a perfect square when put in perfect rows in drawers) Also I dont let them do any task that will take more than 20 mins and then I am watching and talking even if im also reading or something.

Contributor: Neotigress

So incredibly well said, thank you for putting ALL that info out there in such a digestable way.

Contributor: VanillaFreeSex

I don't think I can ever be comfortable with the terms master/slave. I prefer Dom/Sub, Sir, etc. and I'm white, so I can't even imagine what it must of took you to be able to take those words back, to change the connotations. as far as housework, I look at it as a way to make a Dom happy, if it works for both of u,,and done with much more appreciation from the Dom than in most vanilla relationships. It's also hard for me to find the motivation to get necessary things done, so I find expectations to be very encouraging.



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