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Some of the best places and ways to hide your sex toys

J.Baum-2010 Ficker
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If you have a surplus of toys, this can mean one thing for sure. You may have few places to hide them. Never fear, I'm here to help any way I can.

  Better safe than...well having your kids smack a quest in the face with a dildo!

My wife and I were at a friends home having a little get together Bar-B-Q. The night came on and the children were put to bed. However one little four year old girl wanted to sleep in their parents' bed. So daddy tucked her in and proceeded to join us in the living room for drinks. (Side note: This is starting to feel like a police report...I apologize. I’m in the moment) Anyway, a few minutes later the four year old walks in and announces to everyone to “Look...look it...I’m a Princess and here is my wand...” I saw a bright flash of neon pink stream across the air. My eyes could not compute what it was fast enough before the mother gasped and snatched her daughter up, running head long into the hall. A few people cracked up and the father left to go attend to the embarrassed wife. I just sat there kind of confused, saying to myself all kinds of things like, “Was that a dildo...that was one huge dildo...why was it neon pink...God that dildo was huge!” You see what I’m saying. You have to look past the point of someone finding it. What you really should be concerned about is what the person’s going to think once they do. By the way, to add to the story, one of my friends turned to see what the little girl was talking about just in time to get smacked in the face with said dildo. It was a great night.

  Lock it up!

So with all this said, there are plenty of creative and great ways to keep your toys safe and secure. The best way I have found is to buy a tote bag. sells totes for cheap and they are great for a huge reason. You can put your sex toys inside and then hang them from a typical clothes hanger. You then simply tuck them in between some clothes in your closet and presto! I have suggested this to a few people for a cheap and effective alternative to a toy chest and they say it works like gang busters. It’s perfectly camouflaged and if anyone should happen to find it while riffling through your closet, then they simply don’t deserve to be your friend. Seriously...who does that? However, there are a few people who do, in that case don’t worry. There are plenty of other options. You can also get a toy pouch and slip your favorite and most used toy in between your bed. That way it’s easily accessible whenever you feel the need.

  If it looks harmless enough, why not leave it out in the open?

I personally like to keep my toys locked up. There are a large number of chests available at Not to mention kick ass Condom Cubes that perfectly hide your condoms from prying eyes. Before storing your sex toys, make sure they are clean and dry to avoid any problems. Also make sure the batteries are taken out to avoid battery decay. I have two chests to be exact. One holds all the toys we use on a regular basis and it lives under our bed. We are lucky enough to have drawers under our bed that can not been seen unless you know they are there. If you have nothing like this, I would suggest a night stand. Either way I would choose a chest that comes equipped with a lock, just to play it safe. My other chest is hidden high in my closet inside a typical shoe box. This creates two purposes. One, it’s out of reach from small children and two, who’s going to go looking through a shoe box?

  In the end, it's best to play it safe and secure.

There are plenty of options out there and I truly hope this helps. Just remember, you never want to be in a situation where you have to apologize to one of your friends after your daughter smacked them in the face with your neon pink dildo! God that thing was huge!!!



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