The Poly Male, or Rational Polyamory

So, our “tribe” consists of two men, and one woman we live together in the same home and take care of one another. On the surface I suppose we just look like roommates. The question that always comes up is one that is hardest to answer, and likely one of the most ignorant. “How do you guys not fight over her?” I’ll answer this in a minute, but first I want to explain a bit about myself in general.

I absolutely adore the poly “life style”; I was raised poly, my father had at one point in my life seven women. I always hated that polygyny, was how it had to work for him, the women couldn't have other men. That always seemed silly to me. The thing I loved most about it growing up was that there was always someone to talk with, or someone who knew how to answer my questions. My current tribe consists of people from many vastly different backgrounds, and areas of study, our music tastes are all different, and we all have different skills.

That last part there, that’s really important. We all have different skills; no one in our home is useless. I suppose it seems mean to think of relationships in such a manner, but there is really good science to back this up. A person needs to feel needed. One of the biggest arguments in a relationship, other than money, is always the ever famous, “what the hell do you do around here anyways?” This really stems from what are you doing I can’t do my own damn self, why the hell do I put up with you? That is really what the argument means. I’m the chef/dishwasher/car fixer around these parts, and my Metamora is the computer fixer/job haver. While our shared lover is the social planner/thinker/doer, these things working together are greatly important, and very practical. Without me my other two would need to take the car to the mechanic every damn time something went wrong. I would be visiting the geek squad every time my computer caught the many porn virus that seem to get on it, somehow I totally don’t know why, it gets. The other male and I would sit around playing videogames only bathing because the food is gone and we need to go outside if it were not for our woman.

These are however just the money, practical things. Let us discuss the personality traits; I do not take crap from anyone. Now that sounds all well and good in theory let me tell you what that means in practice, I’ve had 42 jobs, that will happen when your brain to mouth filter doesn’t tell you not to tell your boss, where they should go, and how fast they should be doing. The other male however is a bit more practical about these things, and works as an amazing buffer when tact is required. The woman in our group knows who and what people to avoid because they are toxic, and who is an important person in a group to “get to know” We two testicle owners are about as socially skilled as rocks. As partners we would be decent, as a group, we are amazing, the way we all work together boggles the mind.

These things are important to have in life, sure anyone could have that, “good friend” but we are all fiscally and emotionally invested in one another. The same reasons that monogamous couples work out their issues, we have too we just do it as a group. A lot of people ask us, “do you think I could be polygamous?” and the honest answer from me at least are, probably not. I say that because I’ve never had to ask that question, I just expected to be poly. The other question we get is, “what kind of person should I look for?” I have no damn idea who you should be looking for; I can tell you this, find someone who provides something new to your group. It’s good for you, and it’s good for them. No one ever wants to be a third, or fourth wheel. The easiest way to avoid this is to make sure they do something you can’t. If not that make sure they like doing something you hate.

“How do you guys not fight over her?” Because we are not fucking bears, that’s why. From my position this is the dumbest question I have ever heard, ever. As a sociologist I completely understand it. Men in the United States are taught not to share a woman. Here is the thing, we don’t share a woman. No more than she shares her men, no less than a week ago Us two men had a six hour conversation about nerdy movie crap, the whole time our “shared” woman sat there pouting cause she wanted time with at least one of us. She share’s us as much as we share her. That is what polyamory is, I love him as much as I love her, even though he and I don’t have sex, I need him time, as much as I need her time. I make his lunches for work, and I make her lunches for school, not because I have to, because I want too. Maybe it’s because we all played team sports, we understand the concept of us, not I. I honestly can’t tell you, I can tell you psychologically our relationship works, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.