Sex Toys: How Do You Introduce Them to a Partner?

I started working at a local retail store in July 2008. My fiancé and I met and started talking both in and out of work. We officially started dating in November. Despite how much I liked him, I had a lot of difficulty talking to him about sex toys. I didn’t want him to freak out and leave me.

I’ve been reviewing for EdenFantasys since 2007. By the time I started dating my fiancé, I had quite a pile of sex toys. I was also still receiving and reviewing them. At first, I decided I’d just request “normal” things to review, like lubes. Everyone needs lube. It would be perfectly normal for me to have some new lube.

Unfortunately, I’m a pretty open and honest person. I decided I couldn’t date him if I didn’t tell him about my stockpile of sex toys. I figured if he was cool with it, it would be okay. If not, either I’d make the choice to find a new boyfriend or get rid of the toys.

I started by bringing up the subject of sex toys. I asked him what he thought of them, would he ever be comfortable using them, and other such things. I have a terrible memory, but he essentially said he was okay with some toys. He said that rabbit toys (which I have never liked) and anal toys were too much for him and kind of scared him. He was willing to try a vibrating bullet or something along those lines. From there, it went on to me showing off some of the stuff I had reviewed.

To my surprise, he was actually pretty interested in what I was showing him. He was also interested in the fact that I wrote about the toys I had online. I decided to let him help me pick my next assignment so we could try something out together. I believe it was a simple little traditional vibe or something like that.

The first time we used sex toys was a little awkward. He had never handled one before, so he was trying to figure out how to work them and how to make them work for us. We used a few toys during foreplay, however when we moved on to intercourse we did not use any. A while after we were done, I asked him if he had enjoyed it more with toys than without. I was glad to hear him say, “Yes.”

There’s really no other way to show your interest in sex toys than to start a light discussion about them with your partner. Just bring it up when you’re hanging around watching TV. I don’t suggest bringing it up in the middle of sex or anything, though. Ask your partner’s opinion on them before giving yours. If you want them to respond honestly, they’ll be much more likely to do so if they don’t know your opinion already. Most people just want to please their partners, and those who already know what answer you want may just give it to you to make you happy.

If they’re interested, that’s great. I suggest starting with a smaller, less intimidating toy like a traditional vibe or maybe even a vibrating ring. Starting out with a massive toy with 5 attachments may scare your partner a bit.

If they aren’t interested, discuss it with them. What makes them feel that way? Don’t make your partner feel bad for their opinion. If at all possible, try to come to a compromise. Would they like to watch you use one? Would they be comfortable if you tease them with a small vibe?

There’s nothing wrong with using a sex toy during foreplay or intercourse. It doesn’t mean either partner is performing poorly. It’s just another way to get off.