You see, I've almost always had a high sex drive. I've been known to wear out lovers in the past with my high stamina and multiple orgasms. I slept with a few men who were able to keep up and eventually would wear me down, but that was only because their sex drive was a match to mine.
Since I have been seeing my girlfriend, our sex drives haven't matched up very well. For the most part, she's okay not having sex very often. Not because she isn't interested in having sex with me, but because her need for it isn't that high. We still have sex pretty often, but not nearly as often as my personal need for it. We do have a few extraneous factors that affect when and where we can have our sexy times.
We have other family members that live with us, so sometimes sexy time is limited to making sure everyone else is tucked safely in the throws of sleep and making sure that we can keep ourselves quiet. This can put a big damper on any sexy times as she is very easily switched off while in the mood while if I'm very heavily in the mood, then it is much harder for me to switch off.
Many times have I wanted to stop off crying because something switched in her head while pleasuring me or while I was pleasuring her. The mood is usually ruined and I end up huffing and puffing in bed while she cries about how she's broken and that she will never be normal sexually.
Mostly, I believe this is due to her lack of sexual openness and her slight embarrassment over the topic when we are not in the middle of having sex. This is why communication is always key in a relationship, no matter if you're talking about where to plant the hydrangeas or where you like to be touched in bed.
We have learned to communicate a lot better in our relationship and how to please one another, even if that means that one of us might go to bed a little frustrated. Instead of storming off pouting, we sigh and talk about it. We assure the other that it is not because we don't have to have sex with them. It's because we're just not in the mood. And yes, even though we've been together for two years, it's good to still assure each other of this, because I believe that no matter how secure you are in your relationship with each other, sometimes your own personal insecurities can come out to play at the most inopportune moments.
In any situation involving letting your partner down, I think it is crucial that you make sure that they don't feel like less of a person. With communication, patience, and understanding, you can achieve that. Not every relationship has perfect communication, and not every relationship has perfect understanding. Feelings still get hurt and irrational behavior still happens.
What's even better is that even though she's not big into sex toys like I am, she is perfectly okay with me having them. She understands that my drive is much bigger than hers and I have a lot more needs to be fulfilled. We have a few toys that we use together when the mood presents itself, and then I have the ones that I prefer to use when she isn't feeling the mood of my moment.
It's important to me that she knows that I do not think any less of her for having a lower sex drive. Not everyone is created equally. Besides, if her sex drive was a match to mine, we would never get anything done. She keeps me from being the uncontrollable sex fiend that I know I could be, and I keep her from completely shying away from the subject of sex altogether. Before I came along, she was hardly ever at the receiving end of the picture and almost never even pleasured herself.
Even though the two of us differ in our desire for how often we have sex, we make it work with minimal frustration. We still have sex often enough to keep me happy and we each understand that our levels are different and we work together to keep each other happy. I have my toys for when she isn't around or in the mood, and she has the desire to keep me happy when we differ.
The fact that some relationships have varying degrees of libido should never make you feel weaker as a couple, nor should it make one of you feel like less of a person. You must talk about it and have signs for when you are or are not in the mood. You must not get defensive about it, and most certainly should you not ever belittle your partner for just plain not wanting to. It's all about respect and understanding.
Since I have been seeing my girlfriend, our sex drives haven't matched up very well. For the most part, she's okay not having sex very often. Not because she isn't interested in having sex with me, but because her need for it isn't that high. We still have sex pretty often, but not nearly as often as my personal need for it. We do have a few extraneous factors that affect when and where we can have our sexy times.
We have other family members that live with us, so sometimes sexy time is limited to making sure everyone else is tucked safely in the throws of sleep and making sure that we can keep ourselves quiet. This can put a big damper on any sexy times as she is very easily switched off while in the mood while if I'm very heavily in the mood, then it is much harder for me to switch off.
Many times have I wanted to stop off crying because something switched in her head while pleasuring me or while I was pleasuring her. The mood is usually ruined and I end up huffing and puffing in bed while she cries about how she's broken and that she will never be normal sexually.
Mostly, I believe this is due to her lack of sexual openness and her slight embarrassment over the topic when we are not in the middle of having sex. This is why communication is always key in a relationship, no matter if you're talking about where to plant the hydrangeas or where you like to be touched in bed.
We have learned to communicate a lot better in our relationship and how to please one another, even if that means that one of us might go to bed a little frustrated. Instead of storming off pouting, we sigh and talk about it. We assure the other that it is not because we don't have to have sex with them. It's because we're just not in the mood. And yes, even though we've been together for two years, it's good to still assure each other of this, because I believe that no matter how secure you are in your relationship with each other, sometimes your own personal insecurities can come out to play at the most inopportune moments.
In any situation involving letting your partner down, I think it is crucial that you make sure that they don't feel like less of a person. With communication, patience, and understanding, you can achieve that. Not every relationship has perfect communication, and not every relationship has perfect understanding. Feelings still get hurt and irrational behavior still happens.
What's even better is that even though she's not big into sex toys like I am, she is perfectly okay with me having them. She understands that my drive is much bigger than hers and I have a lot more needs to be fulfilled. We have a few toys that we use together when the mood presents itself, and then I have the ones that I prefer to use when she isn't feeling the mood of my moment.
It's important to me that she knows that I do not think any less of her for having a lower sex drive. Not everyone is created equally. Besides, if her sex drive was a match to mine, we would never get anything done. She keeps me from being the uncontrollable sex fiend that I know I could be, and I keep her from completely shying away from the subject of sex altogether. Before I came along, she was hardly ever at the receiving end of the picture and almost never even pleasured herself.
Even though the two of us differ in our desire for how often we have sex, we make it work with minimal frustration. We still have sex often enough to keep me happy and we each understand that our levels are different and we work together to keep each other happy. I have my toys for when she isn't around or in the mood, and she has the desire to keep me happy when we differ.
The fact that some relationships have varying degrees of libido should never make you feel weaker as a couple, nor should it make one of you feel like less of a person. You must talk about it and have signs for when you are or are not in the mood. You must not get defensive about it, and most certainly should you not ever belittle your partner for just plain not wanting to. It's all about respect and understanding.
Thank you, you've shed light on a dark tunnel I'm facing myself. It is not right to expect the same intimacy I crave from someone who cannot share it equally. Our needs and expectations are different and we need to respect that. For me this very welcomed thoughts and ideas.
I'm glad that you found some inspiration in this. Sometimes it's still a little hard for me, but every time I face it, I realize that it has nothing to do with any undesirability of me and more to do with simply her just not being in the mood. When we do have sex, she shows me how much she does want to pleasure me and vice versa.
It took some tears and big fights over it to really realize that. I believe that sometimes you have to experience the pain of it before you can really respect and understand the situation.
Thank you for posting this. there are a lot of complicated feelings surrounding sexual rejection- guilt that maybe you're being pushy or asking too much, fear that they won't reciprocate your advances, vulnerability (I rarely initiate sex because I'm afraid of being shot down. So I usually just hope that he will) and loneliness, frustration, some resentment. And I think you summed that up very well.
I also have a higher sex drive than my partner and it is very frustrating. It is a tense topic to bring up, asking him to affirm that he does want me even if there are outside factors. But your post made me realize that maybe it is something I need, and should ask for.
On a related note, I read a discussion post (which I wish I could cite, but I wouldn't know how to look it up) in which one person basically said that it helps to ask, "do you want to have sex?" casually, before you become really aroused and invested in it. That way, if they say no you are not as disappointed. I think this is a great tip to keep in mind.