Sex & Society » Sex positivity, Acceptance, Men: "White. Straight. Cisgender male. How else may I piss you off today?"

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White. Straight. Cisgender male. How else may I piss you off today?

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With a column called “Devil’s Advocate”, it shouldn’t be surprising that I write a lot of things people disagree with. Fortunately, I welcome people challenging my opinions (and, as frequently happens, proving me wrong).


Contributor: Hurricane Katrina

Bloody hell. Roland, you are correct here. Honestly, not only should you be allowed to talk on stuff you likely do not know about... you should be encouraged to. How the bloody hell do people expect to get better if they cannot allow themselves to say potentially foolish crap. In fact, the more stupid you think your opinion might be, say it. Then, once somebody points to the flaws in it--work from there. Its called learning.

Here, you have the correct attitude. You cannot know... and the conclusion that "well, lets not tell you" is such ridiculous bullshit ever invented. That "you cannot know" attitude that is way too gawd damned prevalent in the LGBT community is why I tend to rarely talk with the community, if I can at all avoid it.

Because it is full of bitches like @Bubbles00, who just retort, "I have been teased bullied and humilated and blah blah fvcking blah, poor fvcking me"... ergo, I am right and you cannot fvcking know.

Right--guess the bloody hell what? Guess why Roland cannot know? Because people in the community refuse to tell him. The LGBT community has become so butt hurt and scared of people hurting them, that this fear is now what propagates the hurt and the fear. Yes, every time, YOU tell a cisgendered hetero white male--or hell, cishetero white females too--that they are not capable of helping, YOU are the one denying help coming in.

I of all people should be the one to take the most help from the LGBT community. I am a Male To Female Transgendered who is dating a Male Identifying Lesbian. Guess what? I tend to get help from cisgendered women. Usually cisgendered straight women. Maybe I will ask a cisgendered bisexual woman.

Why? Because where we are right now, the enemy is not those weird white pasty vaguely human shaped gate keepers. The ones who decide if we are married. The ones who decide who can and cannot attend hospitals. The ones who decide if we get to go to the washroom, or if we just crap out underwear/ No, fvck that--I have yet to have any issues with the gate keepers. I find them the casual sort of person that I can walk up, say hi, or maybe just slap. Yes, that is just right, walk up to the gate keeper, smack his smug face, yell at him. Or hey, maybe give him a light kiss. Sometimes, I think they might actually be nearly people too! The cisheteros? They are not that scary... what is scary is the own damned community at times, really.

What is even more scary when these attitudes are justified by past torture. If that is what people need, well... you can just win. Your life is most fvcked up. You win the "most shitty life" trophy... except, to just punctuate how crappy the idea is, I haven't actually done up a trophy and you will need to accept an IOU. I for one have no desire to try to both to compete with you there. You can share your personal horror stories--I will try to not yawn too terribly much (so as to not be rude). However those contests of "I had this this and this happen to me!" vs. "You think you got it bad? I had that that and that happen to me!" bore the crap out of me. I think I got the best feeling, when I heard a mother talking about her six month old child getting in a car accident. I said, "okay... you win that one"... and in that empathetic act of self defense against momma bear... I learned, why the fvck does my crap need to top anybody's? No, honestly, I hate how I can talk about two average weeks of my past in Alberta, Canada--and it will make everybody cry so much that they have to make themselves numb to hear more. That gets boring to watch half way through the first time.

In fact, more people need to learn, that when somebody says, "you think you got it rough"... to just answer, "okay, you win. Your life is the most fvcking shitty"... then just refuse to talk afterwards. That attitude leaves very soon.

Now then, there are people out there, who try to be progressive. We talk with the enemy. We realise that they are capable of understanding this. It is not "us or them" unless we make it. It is just a large amount of people, who need to just know a person... not a monster. That is what will help the best. Knowing people--it is just as simple as that. Knowing people who do not share sexual identity or gender orientation--and talking with them. If they do not get something we are trying to convey, we only hurt ourselves by not even bothering to try.

Contributor: Sammi Jawsome


Contributor: Incendiaire

Hey, you're a ginger, that's totally a discriminated against minority, don't allow them to homogenise you!

All jokes aside, I think you make some very valid points. When people become too used to playing the victim, they often become blind to their hypocrisy. It's useful to remind them that these sort of unfair judgements go both ways. It's never useful to judge people as a group, no matter how righteous people believe their indignation to be, because they're merely lowering themselves to the same level as the very people they believe they're fighting.