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Dr. Dick on Demand! Liberating that Big Ol' Bottom Within

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So—you’ve finally decided to become a B.O.B. (Big Ol’ Bottom)? Tired of missing out on all that ass-play everyone’s talking about? Been secretly tripping on the exploits of your favorite porn stars? (“Jeez, would ya get a load of that—his hole looks like the Victory Arch in Paris, for God’s sake.”) And now you want a piece of the action for yourself?

  The Bottom Line

Listen up, bottom wannabes: pleasurable buggering is dependent upon on three very simple, but oh so important things:
1. The will
2. Being relaxed
3. A considerate partner

First. You gotta really want to get fucked. This may sound elementary, but it’s not. Some of my clients secretly confess that they don’t want anyone near their precious tushie, and no amount of pleading and whimpering on the part of their long-suffering partner(s) is gonna change that.

For some, getting it up the ass is associated with domination, as opposed to pleasure. Manly men don’t bottom for nobody. (Oh, sure Mary, methinks you doth protest too much.) Others have religious reservations. (If God wanted me to get fucked, I’d have been born with a vagina.) Still others have aesthetic concerns. (Oh no, that’s way too icky and messy.) I can assure you that these boys and girls ain’t never gonna be an ass-fuckin’ bottom no how.

Second. Let’s just say you’re dying to get fucked, but you’re so intimidated by your top’s one-eyed monster (or the size of her strap-on) that your quivering asshole is like totally shut down. Chill out! Why not begin your sex play with your partner giving you a relaxing sensual back rub. After awhile he/she could move on to a little butt play (and I do me play). The object here is pleasure not penetration. Have him/her tease your asshole with his/her finger. A tongue works nicely too. (This is called rimming, but you probably already knew that, because you’re not a complete idiot, huh?) A gentle circular motion works best. Have him use his hands to spread your ass cheeks. This stretching motion will increase your pleasure as well as give him easier access to your rosebud. After a while, a lubricated finger can be inserted for a bit of a prostate massage, which is ohhh sooo delicious.

When you’re ready to kick it up a notch, have your partner try inserting two fingers or a small dildo. Rhythmic deep breathing will help keep you relaxed. And when you’re all loosened up and ready to become like one of them “porno guys,” you can him plug in the real thing. No more meat substitutes for you, huh?

Experiment with different positions. Try sitting down on that big old thang, or do it doggie style. Getting laid while on your side with your partner coming at ya from behind gives you a bit more control over the depth of his/her thrusting. And of course, there’s also the traditional missionary position; you on your back, legs spread eagle and your pumps pointing to the stars.

Third. Having a big dick (or a big strap-on) doesn’t automatically make a your partner a good top. A considerate partner, big dong or not, will happily join you in exploring your asshole. He/she will concentrate on pleasing you first, because he/she knows that an investment in your anal pleasure today will reap a harvest of mutual pleasure tomorrow.

Finally, there’s the little issue of anal hygiene, don’t cha know. When it comes to fucking, a clean ass is a happy ass. Remember when you bottom, your anal hygiene is your responsibility. Over the counter douches are okay, particularly if they don’t contain any chemicals. But a simple solution of warm water and a bit of vinegar or lemon juice works even better. It’s cheaper, too.

The more you know about anal health and hygiene, before you give up your ass for the first time, the more likely both you and your top will enjoy yourselves.

Good luck!

(Coming soon! Dr. Dick’s tutorial for tops. Don’t miss it.)


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