Official Friday The 13th Parody by Zero Tolerance - review by ZenaidaMacroura

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Kind of sexy, kind of funny.

This movie is just so-so. It's kind of funny and kind of sexy. It has good parts and not so good parts. It's basically what I would expect from a porn parody.
Published:
Pros:
Funny parts, Jason's jizz kills, some hot sex scenes, anal.
Cons:
Flies, some boring scenes, gagging, spitting.
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review


The Official Friday the 13th Parody is a porn from Zero Tolerance Entertainment, directed by Gary Orona and produced by Tabitha Stevens. It is exactly what it sounds like: a porn parody of the movie Friday the 13th.

Sara Sloane stars as Susie, the new, air-headed masseuse at Crystal Lake Nudist Camp. Before going to the camp, she heads to a bar to get an espresso, and the bartender, played by Tabitha Stevens, tells her the legend of Crystal Lake. Years ago, a man with a giant penis drowned in the lake because his penis was so heavy, it "sunk like a boat anchor." His penis fermented at the bottom of the lake, and now he has "flesh eating jizz." Susie then leaves the bar and meets up with her new coworkers at the camp. Apparently nobody in this movie has a clue what a nudist camp really is; they take it as a place where nobody walks around naked and everybody has sex constantly. They all decide to go explore the camp. We see Manny, played by Mark Wood, telling Rita and Kendra, played by Brooklyn Lee and Brooke Lee Adams, that they have new people at the camp.

The first sex scene is with a random couple we know nothing about, Connie and Billy, played by Courtney Cummz and Mr. Pete, respectively. This scene is less vanilla than the rest and mostly fun to watch, but, like most of the other sex scenes, there is some semi-creepy music over it. She wears nothing but black boots and some chains, while he wears a gas mask and black underwear. This scene mainly involves female dominance; she orders him around, tells him to "smell my asshole," and basically has him do whatever she wants. He takes off her panties and puts them in his mouth, gives her oral and lets her ride his face, licks her boots, and calls her Momma. She gives him a blowjob and spits on his cock, which I absolutely hate, but it's pretty common in porn, so I try to ignore it. There are flies buzzing around in half the scene, and it's pretty disturbing and distracting. They have sex in several positions, and then he fingers her ass and then spits on it, before finally having anal sex. The scene ends with a facial cumshot.

After the scene, Jason walks in and murders the couple with his flesh eating jizz. It's fairly ridiculous to watch, but it's supposed to be, so it's kind of awesome.

Next, we see Asia, played by Asa Akira, in the woods with Ricardo, played by Rocco Reed. He's deathly afraid of bugs, so he has her spray him down with insect repellent, while he rants on and on about bugs and how they'll kill you. They return to their room (which looks like a creepy shed with all the hooks and tools on the wall) to have sex. This was the best sex scene in the movie; it's really sensual, and both people look pretty into it. They begin by kissing and slowly undressing, and he licks her ass a bit. She moans and breathes really loudly through the whole scene, which was kind of annoying, but I forgot about it pretty quickly. She gives him a blowjob and gags on his cock, which always grosses me out and makes me want to fast forward. They have sex in a few positions and there is some more spitting (again, gross), and the scene ends with him coming on her stomach.

He lies down on the sleeping bag on the floor, and an arrow comes up from the floor and through his neck, killing him. I didn't realize, at first, that this was actually a homage to the original movie in which Kevin Bacon dies the same way. Asia goes to take a bath, and Jason walks in. The camera goes black and Asia can be heard screaming.
Experience
Continued from review:

Kyle, played by Kris Slater, now tells Susie about what happened years ago that started the legend, and we see a flashback of a sex party at the camp in 1972. Kagney Linn Karter finds a young Jason, played by Carlo, alone in the basement and asks him why he's not at the party. He explains that he has a problem: after sex, his penis doesn't get smaller. It gets bigger, longer, and harder. She says that doesn't sound like a problem and begins stripping for him. I really liked this scene. There's typical porn music over the first couple of minutes of it, but I actually liked it. It's kind of mellow, and it's a heck of a lot better than the creepy stuff in the rest of the scenes. Jason gives Kagney oral sex and fingers her, and she gives him a blowjob (with more disgusting gagging). They have sex in a chair in a few positions and he makes out with her boot. Yes, I said "makes out with." I get boot licking, but he just really goes to town on that thing. The scene ends with a facial cumshot.

After the sex, Kagney screams and backs away. Apparently his growing penis was terrifying. Susie and Kyle hear a noise and go to investigate it, like idiots.

Now we see Manny, Rita, and Kendra playing "Strip-opoly," but they give up on that idea and decide to get to the sex, already. This scene seemed pretty forced and was boring to watch. The ladies give Manny a blowjob, he has sex with each of them, then has sex with Kendra while she gives oral to Rita. None of them seem to particularly enjoy it. The scene ends with a facial cumshot on the two ladies.

Jason, of course, walks in at this point, and Manny tells him he can't join them. Jason doesn't like that too much and kills them all with his jizz. Susie and Kyle find that the source of the noise is Jason, and he chases them through the house. They close a door on his penis and chop it off with an axe, though we don't see that part.

Susie and Kyle finally get to relax and have sex now. This was a pretty boring scene. Sara Sloane's sex scenes always seem forced to me, and she even looks distracted half the time. He gives her some oral, she gives him a gagging, spitting blowjob, and they have sex in a couple of positions. The scene ends with him coming on her stomach.

The movie ends with Jason walking down the hall toward their room. Apparently he has Wolverine penis and can't be killed.

The DVD comes in a plastic case with a larger, paper case around it for collecting and displaying. The front cover shows Jason's ski mask, with Sara Sloane in the foreground. The back shows shots of sex scenes from the movie and a brief description of it. The DVD includes a scene selection menu, a Behind the Scenes, trailers for other Zero Tolerance films, a photo gallery, and the popshots. It also has an auto restart feature, so turn it off when you're done watching if you don't want it to keep looping.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Sir
    Sir  
    Funny review, the film seems very interesting...
  • Selective Sensualist
    Selective Sensualist  
    Excellent review! I agree: the scene with Asa and Rocco was the very, very best!
  • SexyySarah
    SexyySarah  
    Great review!
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