Official Friday The 13th Parody by Zero Tolerance - review by Rockin'

Before I really get into the meat of this review, I've got to tell you a few things about me. I am irrationally afraid of masks, and I try to avoid movies/shows with masked characters in them. I don't like scary elements in my porn. I am easily scared by sudden noises in scary films. Now that you have a bit of background on me, I think my review will come across better.

This porn parody is based off of a series of slasher movies where a man named Jason wears a hockey mask and kills people. I've never seen any of these films. This parody is similar to the slasher films in that the murderer drowns in a lake and comes back from the dead to kill people, but overall this film isn't scary. Plenty of elements of the movie reflect its erotic nature and can almost make you forget there's a masked murderer lurking.

The film starts off with opening credits and a couple eerie shots of Jason, but after the credits, he stays away for a good while. Susie (Sara Sloane) makes a quick stop at a bar on her way to her new job. She's going to be the masseuse at Crystal Lake nudist camp (see what I mean about the erotic elements?) and needs a ride there. Tabitha Stevens has a cameo as the bartender who explains to Susie that the nudist camp is haunted. A while ago, a man drowned in the lake because his penis was so huge that it made him sink. Now, this guy is back from the dead with his giant penis that shoots flesh-eating jizz. He might start killing people with the jizz, but we're not there yet.

Anyway, Susie manages to arrive at the nudist camp and is excited to start her new job. She meets up with Kyle (Kris Slater), who owns the camp, and his friends Asia and Ricardo (Asa Akira and Rocco Reed). There's a brief peek at a couple other guests at the camp, but after that, it's time for sex!

The first scene between Courtney Cummz and Mr. Pete was pretty damn hot. Both my partner and I enjoyed the power dynamic and the sex (there's even some anal!). Courtney does a very sexy job of dominating Mr. Pete, who is wearing a gas mask. This scene was easily our favorite one. After the sex, Courtney and Mr. Pete get an unexpected visit from the masked killer who has been lingering nearby during their romp. We get our first look at the flesh-eating jizz, which looks a lot like regular jizz.

Next up are Asia and Ricardo. Ricardo is incredibly worried about insects and whines about West Nile virus. Asia puts up with him because, hey, he's ripped and has a cute face. They head back to a cabin for some sexy times. There's a lot of foreplay, which I liked, and the lighting was really warm and sensual. Unfortunately the music started sounding sinister during the foreplay. I could understand some creepiness when Jason's approaching them, but I was disappointed that the whole scene seemed ominous. The sex is hot, though, and again, the stars seem into each other and not on autopilot.

There's a little break after this scene where a little more tension builds between Susie and the camp owner. Kyle tells her about an “incident” that happened in 1972. This flashback shows Kagney (Kagney Linn Karter) meeting Jason. (Carlo Carrera) in the basement at a party. Kagney is wearing a really awkward looking shirt, so I was glad when she took it off. She and Jason fuck for a while, and at the end of it, something scary happens! Actually, they don't show anything scary; all you get is Kagney's reaction to the supposed horror. This scene was really the turning point for us. The sex wasn't as good as the first two scenes, and it continues its downward spiral toward the end of the movie.

The fourth scene is a threesome between Mark Wood, Brooklyn Lee, and Brook Lee Adams. I'm using the phrase “threesome” loosely, since it's more of a FFM tag-team for a lot of it. We were pretty bored during the scene.The last scene between Sara Sloane and Kris Slater starts off decently, but quickly bored me. Sara is cute, and Kris is hot, but there's just not much magic happening on that bed. The rest of the room, however, has some eerie props. At one point, the camera tilts up slightly, giving you several seconds to stare at the circular saw that's sitting on the dresser behind them. That really killed it for me.

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The Friday the 13th Parody DVD box is mildly creepy; a giant Jason mask adorns the front. I couldn't escape the mask on the start menu, but at least the music isn't scary and nothing came jumping out at me. Speaking of music, the music in the actual film is balanced poorly with the dialogue. We could barely understand some of the spoken parts even when we had our television's volume up very high. Fiddling with the volume controls is not conducive to enjoying an erotic scene. The DVD has a few extras listed on the main menu. You can watch the mediocre behind-the-scenes footage, ogle at the picture gallery, check out some trailers, or just watch the cumshots from the movie.

Overall, this movie surprised me. I was able to enjoy some of the sex, and I wasn't all tense and nervous during the creepy moments. I'd totally watch the first scene again, and maybe the second one, but the rest of the film is pretty forgettable to me. It's really not a scary movie. It's a porn that's sprinkled with creepy music, ominous imagery, and some flesh-eating jizz.