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“Yesterday, I blew a 500 pound man.”

“Yesterday, I blew a 500 pound man.”
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The Whore Journals, Part 22: The end is at hand.

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Comments

I think it's good that an editors note has been put up. When I first read this piece it, especially having not read any of the other part of this series, it sounded like it had been written very recently and had just happened. Had I known this was something that had happened a long time ago I probably wouldn't have been as offended as I was.

Assuming that we are all adults here, it's really unfortunate that so much bickering has resulted; though not surprising. So often when overweight people are offended or hurt by remarks many others (in my experience typically people who are not overweight) can't believe they're offended and think it's childish and silly and so on and so forth.

However, this is a public forum and we all have a right to share our opinions. If someone cannot handle that someone else was offended by something that's too bad, but such is life.

After taking some time away from this article and coming back and reading some of the other comments on here, while I am still absolutely horrified by TBK's reaction at the time of the writing, I must give her kudos for posting it. It took courage, especially knowing how vocal we can be here. She had to have known that something like this was going to happen (re: the verbal bantering in the comments).

I want to say though that just because I am offended doesn't mean everybody else has to be offended. At the same time, while we can work through our feelings of offense, we can't immediately control it; if something offends us, then we're offended.

However, I truly hope that SexIs has learned something from this and that in future posts of a similar nature will let us know (on every post; as many of us come into reading a series in a middle or end post thus may not be fully aware of all the circumstances surrounding the series) that it's a series, it's journals from x-years ago, or whatever. I'm sure many of us would have reacted differently had we known that.

12/29/2010

As soon as I read TBK's post I wondered what impact it would have and my expectations have largely been met. It was pretty inflammatory and I can understand people being offended by it.

TBK is a big girl and can stick up for herself - but for those who are 'offended' that SexIs published this post: Isn't that the point? What interest would a magazine be if it only published that which it knew its readers would agree with and find inoffensive?

I'd rather have the opportunity to read something that offends me than have some faceless concensus censor it beforehand and limit what opinion I'm allowed to be exposed to - until it meets what THEY feel is appropriate.

I don't like THEM making decisions for me. In publishing this post, SexIs are treating us as adults and letting us read - and respond - accordingly. We shouldn't be complaining about that.

12/29/2010

Ok, I have read this article and the comments from start to finish. I pretty much agree with some of what everybody has said, but not all of what anybody has said. I read this and thought..."wow, harsh." That was it.

I am overweight, though not "deathfat" as it has been referred to. I would definitely feel shitty if somebody was that disgusted by my body. However, I am well aware that there are thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, and maybe millions out there who would be. That is precisely why I am not fucking them or asking strangers opinions of my naked body. Most of my friends are thinner than me, and I have heard some of them make remarks about how stupid it is to be fat when all you have to do is not be lazy. Whatever. That is their opinion. They do not hold it against me that I am heavy, or maybe they do. It doesn't mean they love me any less and I am aware of that. Nor are they embarrassed to be in public with me or to even exchange massages (non sexual). I choose the people I spend my time with wisely. I love them for who they are, they love me. If this is not the case I end my friendship with them. Same goes for relationships. I do not expect they will love everything about me, I do not love everything about them. Life is give and take, that is to be expected.

I choose my intimate encounters with people I know who volunteer for the position, not people I have to pay to have them with. If this man felt the need to pay for sex from somebody who might easily be repulsed by his appearance (considering fatphobia is so commonplace), he obviously had issues revolving around sex and relationships. These may have stemmed from having difficulty finding a partner, or personality conflicts, anything. The point is, when you seek an intimate encounter with a stranger, you are inviting that stranger to judge you. You may not LIKE that another person is going to judge you but people judge. PERIOD. EVERY ONE OF US.

I judge people for their unhealthy choices, including myself. I do not judge myself because of my weight, though I did when I was younger. But I do judge myself for making unhealthy choices which add to the problem. I do not want a higher risk of cancer, heart disease, heart failure, diabetes etc. It is my job to do what is healthy for my body to lower these risks. If I do not take that job seriously, I have nobody to blame but myself. I think smoking is stupid. However I used to smoke, I think drinking in excess is incredibly stupid, but I used to do that as well. Unprotected sex, absolutely dangerous, but I have made that mistake in my past. I think even protected sex is dangerous if you are having it with many different partners because lets face it, condoms break they come off, not every std is located directly on the shaft of a man. Blah blah.

I don't think polyamory is necessarily healthy. At least not in all forms. I think that the expectation that you should be able to get everything you want by getting different things from different partners is incredibly unhealthy. There is a reason we do not spoil our children. Because getting everything we want is unhealthy. It leads to a sense of entitlement or sometimes it comes from one. It also prevents us from learning to be more than we choose to be. And it negates a certain amount of responsibility. However. There are polyamorous people for whom I have a great deal of respect. I am also reading about polyamory for no other reason than to better educate myself on the subject.
I feel the same about religion. I am not a supporter of organized religion in any form. Sorry guys I'm just not. This does not mean I will respect you any less for being religious. I just happen to disagree with your belief system. As long as I don't see it doing you or anybody else any harm, I will leave it alone.

I am kind of all over the place at this point but my feeling is this. We all have flaws, and it would be UNREALISTIC to expect all people to accept them. NOT APPRECIATE, ACCEPT. It is also unrealistic to expect that nobody will have adverse reactions to them, or to talk or write about their adverse reactions. I do not agree with the tone of this particular journal entry, but if it weren't posted here it would still exist. Just because nobody else had read it would not make it any less offensive to those who have an issue with it. I am sure there are things that all of us have thought which we would prefer not to share with the world because we feel guilty for having thought them. TBK just allowed us access to her thoughts. Good and Bad. She did not ask us to agree with them. Sexis has published them, they did not ask us to agree either. If you are heavy, black, white, tan, polyamorous, a smoker, a whore, a slut, anorexic, gay, cancer riddled, a drunk, or just a mean fucker, there is somebody out there who is going to take issue with you, your life choices, or your body. You do not have to like it but avoiding it and pretending it isn't there is not going to get you anywhere. In fact learning to confront it and come to terms with how it makes you feel and why is probably the healthiest thing you could do. If you disagree, stand up for yourself, or make the choice to walk away or both.

@ lambchop, don't be an asshole. It seems that you feel the need not just to defend your position but to then insult people who disagree with you. This is not a productive way of dealing with anything.

01/03/2011

I am overweight, but I wasn't insulted. It's simply the business. I've seen ugly thin people, and I've seen ugly fat people. Don't act like none of you judge. Cause you are judging TBK. We all know that if you've been down on a heavier person, smells are easier to get trapped and so on.
Some sex positive people here /sarcasm.

01/24/2011

I'm not obese in any way and I find this to be offensive. I think had she just written about her experience it would have been fine. I mean it is what it is right, but to make fun of him with a friend was very distasteful. Like others have said, if it was that bad "no" should have been the word.

03/17/2011
mistywebb18  

wow

06/06/2011
Lil  

Thanks for the article! I appreciated it

03/15/2012

Great article! I would be a bit frightened as well. But I'm married, so the only person I have ever been with or will be with is my husband and he's not much overweight, but could lose 30 lbs if he tried.

06/14/2012

I used to have a 400lb regular and yes there are trials to blowing a man so big, like moving his stomach out of the way to get to his cock and there is the issue of penis cheese but personally i'd rather do him than the assholes that would slam my head up and down in their crotches by my hair demanding that i tell them how much i love to suck cock. at least you're down there by yourself. privacy while giving a blowjob even from the owner is not common.

07/28/2012
Katdid  

Wow

10/22/2012

Great article

11/24/2012

wow

12/18/2012

great article!

12/28/2012

Great Read Thank You

01/25/2013
Total comments: 54
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Interviews with The Beautiful Kind

  • For TBK, this interview is all about Coming Out as a Sex Positive Slut in the Midwest Bible Belt. What made Kendra decide to “come out”? What was it like being fired from her job for her personal blog? What are her plans now that she is fully embracing her identity?

    Kendra Holliday is The Beautiful Kind, a 38-year-old bisexual mother living in St. Louis, MO. She has been boldly and bravely exploring sex for over 20 years, and has spent the past four years documenting her wild adventures anonymously online as a Sex Writer, Consultant, and Editor of TheBeautifulKind.com. So, on Coming Out Day, and in keeping with her belief that sex should be discussed openly and honestly in the light of day instead of whispered secretively in the dark, she has made the difficult but vital decision to fully own all that she has done - the good, the bad, and the ugly. And now she is telling you her name, showing you her face, telling you her story (did you see the [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/sex-and-society/coming-out-day-beautiful-kind-1011101/|video interview] on SexIs yet?!), and taking your questions here. You may recall that The Beautiful Kind made national news in April when she was dramatically fired from her full-time day job for writing about sex in her personal life under a pen name. In a random Google search, TBK's employer found her real name unknowingly linked to her personal website, and based her immediate termination on this sole instance. The employer has continually declined public comment. Countless blogs and media websites picked up the scandalous story, including Inc.com, Business Insider, Glamour, Huffington Post, digg, Jezebel, Fleshbot, and Mental_Floss. During that difficult time, TBK took her website down for a few weeks and focused on writing her empowering ebook The Book of Goddess: Elevating Your Desirability to Mythic Proportions. Kendra shares: “I'm grateful to my friends and family for supporting my decision. There's no telling what will come of this bold move, but I'm confident coming out will open up many new doors and be an inspiration to others. We all want to be accepted for who we are.” Kendra writes openly about her current life experiences on her own site, as well as her former days as a sex worker, in her column, [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/columns/the-whore-journals/| The Whore Journals] on SexIs. Kendra is embracing her future by focusing on ways to give back to the community and to educate others. As a founding member of a new not-for-profit community organization, Sex Positive St. Louis (SEX+STL), she is excited about the potential of this online community resource for local sex positive events, partnerships with organizations, and information sharing. As Kendra plans workshops and speaking events, both independently and with SEX+STL, EdenFantasys will be sponsoring her efforts. We are very much looking forward to this new chapter in the beautiful life of Kendra Holliday, The Beautiful Kind, as she continues to elevate her sex positive mission!

     Read full interview

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