The New Intimacy

Now that Fifty Shades has made BDSM more popular, things like this are happening

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Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a hairbrush when he gets out of the shower. Or to have your man tie you up with toilet paper.

The second article says to use bobby pins as nipple clamps, which isn't that bad. Then it tells you to tell your man to pin you down, then try to fight him off. I don't know about you guys, but if my husband didn't know I wanted a BDSM scene, and I tried to fight him off me, he would get off me. You have to actually talk about these things. Sigh.

What do you guys think?
07/20/2012
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Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
The site is acting all weird for me. I got two in and it kept reloading and reloading. Odd.

Anyhow, yeah, discussing things is pretty important. I don't think any guy I've ever dated would have been happy with me smacking them with a hairbrush. Especially right out of the shower. I also saw something about not letting the guy cum until you give permission. Yeah, orgasm control is something you want to spring on someone. *sigh*
07/20/2012
Contributor: Eden062112 Eden062112
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a ... more
I didn't read it. But I would rather buy things then use bobby pins...
07/20/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
The site is acting all weird for me. I got two in and it kept reloading and reloading. Odd.

Anyhow, yeah, discussing things is pretty important. I don't think any guy I've ever dated would have been happy with me smacking them with ... more
Oh yeah. That's not something to just jump right into.
The guy might cum without meaning to, and the chick could throw a fit, because cosmo said she should be in charge of his orgasms or whatever. Sorry the link didn't work for you. D:

@ Eden062112: Yeah. If the bobby pins don';t work out, it could leave someone hating nipple clamps because they think they're all bad like bobby pins or something.
07/20/2012
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
not into it myself but i've noticed a lot of classifieds in the local paper with women "eager to be subs" and I can't help but worry they don't understand what they're getting into.
07/20/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
not into it myself but i've noticed a lot of classifieds in the local paper with women "eager to be subs" and I can't help but worry they don't understand what they're getting into.
Oh goodness. That's the first thing I worried about when I heard aboutt he books. I figured there would be a ton of women who wanted to be subs, and would end up with a dom that's good at what he does. Or one who's an idiot that has no idea what he's talking about, and someone's going to gett either more than they thought they were getting, or seriously injured.
07/20/2012
Contributor: Ouroborean Ouroborean
Discussion and assurance of consent. They are not steps you can skip.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
I am somewhat appalled at women thinking they want to be subs just because of reading a book! The world is way too full of control freaks who think that they are Dome/mes just because they want to control their significant other's every move. It may sound old fashioned, but that is what 'safe, sane and consentual' is all about. There is NOTHING safe or sane advertising that you want to be a sub!!!

I have been in the 'lifestyle' for many years, and this is just nuts.
07/21/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a ... more
Some of the suggestions are quite laughable.
07/21/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Princess-Kayla ♥
link

That's a link to a blog about a Cosmo article about BDSM. I couldn't find the article in Cosmo, but I did find this article:
link

The first one tells you to do things like, surprise your man by smacking him with a ... more
Some of the suggestions are quite laughable.
07/21/2012
Contributor: potstickers potstickers
Sadly, all the folks trying out bdsm without knowing what they're getting into is going to create more negative press than good press from the book.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I am somewhat appalled at women thinking they want to be subs just because of reading a book! The world is way too full of control freaks who think that they are Dome/mes just because they want to control their significant other's every move. ... more
I definitely agree with you. There's a difference between being a sub for a guy that respects you, and your decisions, and a guy that's going to control every aspect of your life because he wants the power trip.

And honestly, if I were going to put an add in the classifieds, I wouldn't mention being a sub. I would want to wait until I knew the guy better, or I knew I could trust him. Who's to say he's not a psycho that's going to handcuff me to a bed, then kill me?

@ potstickers: I agree! Women are going to get hurt, and it's going to look bad for the BDSM community for "letting it happen".

@ deltalima: They are laughable because I know better, but think of the women who are going to take it seriously. I'd be pissed if someone just slapped me with a brush out of no where. CONSENT, people!
07/21/2012
Contributor: Zandrock Zandrock
I agree. That is horrible advice. Consent is so so so important. It cannot be stressed enough.
07/21/2012
Contributor: LadyDarknezz LadyDarknezz
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
not into it myself but i've noticed a lot of classifieds in the local paper with women "eager to be subs" and I can't help but worry they don't understand what they're getting into.
That is what pisses me off...I see crap like that all of the time. I'm an actual submissive and I feel sorry for the poor idiots who just jump right into BDSM thinking it will be like that terrible trilogy. I just hope they will actually do their research and learn about the safety and risks that can come along with the lifestyle...I am just hoping this shitstorm will pass very soon.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Mwar Mwar
That's just the magazine trying to get more people to read it and are taking advantage of the circumstances.

Good business planning, I guess.
07/21/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
not into it myself but i've noticed a lot of classifieds in the local paper with women "eager to be subs" and I can't help but worry they don't understand what they're getting into.
That scares me more than the Cosmo article. As has been mentioned, there are sadly too many who are in it for the power trip and won't give too much thought about consent once they have a woman who is there and claimed to be a "sub." I also feel like these are the types that will end up biting off more than they can chew with the D-types who manipulate with "well, if you were a *real* sub, you'd do ____." I think they think they'll be getting some light domination and many may be walking into rape or worse. That will just look awesome for the community. *eye roll*

It's that reason I'd also never put that info in a personal ad. I don't wanna be chained to a bed and killed either and there are some weird folk out there that read those ads.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
Oh my goodness. They forgot the most important part of bdsm, communication before the act and clear boundaries.
07/21/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
Agree with the above, people keep forgetting the importance of consent and planning. Not everyone is into D/S or S/M
07/21/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
"Get him to wrap your wrist and ankles in toilet paper for a lighter restraint. While you are bound, he should tease you to the point where you're so turned on, you have to rip free of your shackles."



I… I…

Everytime I try to write something about TP bondage I start giggling manically.
07/21/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
"Get him to wrap your wrist and ankles in toilet paper for a lighter restraint. While you are bound, he should tease you to the point where you're so turned on, you have to rip free of your shackles."



I… I… ... more
Wait. Toilet paper? HA! Do people do that? What's the point of that exactly? It probably looks HILARIOUS and it doesn't, well, restrain.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Wait. Toilet paper? HA! Do people do that? What's the point of that exactly? It probably looks HILARIOUS and it doesn't, well, restrain.
Maybe the author was using extra-strength TP with lotion or something… Of course this is the same brilliant expert who recommends "suprise-attack(s)" with brushes and forks.
07/21/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Maybe the author was using extra-strength TP with lotion or something… Of course this is the same brilliant expert who recommends "suprise-attack(s)" with brushes and forks.
Non-consensual play is the best! *eye roll* And a fork? That just leads to "s/he forked me" jokes.
07/21/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Cosmo is frequently full of bad advise on a wide variety of matters. Remember, this is a magazine that thinks pubic hair needs a style while simultaneously refusing to use the word vagina, and all of their relationship advice boils down to "trap yourself a man through trickery and deception."
07/21/2012
Contributor: Roz W Roz W
One of my favorite BDSM blogs usually does a takedown of Cosmo sex advice. This one I think they were too busy laughing about the concept of TOILET PAPER BONDAGE:
link

But what Cosmo is saying isn't just dumb, it's harmful. Consent is important. Talking to your partner about what you would like to do is important. "Sexy" bullshit that involves neither of those things and doesn't appear to ever have been tested on real humans (TOILET PAPER BONDAGE) is bad for people and bad for sex and bad for culture.
07/21/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
"Get him to wrap your wrist and ankles in toilet paper for a lighter restraint. While you are bound, he should tease you to the point where you're so turned on, you have to rip free of your shackles."



I… I… ... more
Like it would be so hard to rip through toilet paper. I just lost it when I read that bit. I know I'll be buying an extra roll for the kinkery tonight.

@ Kira: I completely agree. It's scary what people are doing now that BDSM is so popular. If it was just people talking to their SO, and being like "So I read this book, and I want to try this", it wouldn't be a huge deal, but openly shouting they're eager subs...that's not going to end well....
07/21/2012
Contributor: Mitzuki Mitzuki
That's absolutely silly.
07/22/2012
Contributor: clockwork451 clockwork451
50 Shades is such a bad, cliche and uneducated portrayl of BDSM. It is just a poorly written story about an abusive relationship that contains some sex scenes with Wikipedia researched BDSM. I'm scared for the people using it as inspiration.
07/22/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
If somebody tied me up with toilet paper I would feel like some sort of horrible bathroom mummy. D:
07/22/2012
Contributor: Calypso05 Calypso05
Toilet paper? Are you serious? lol Bleh
07/22/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
LOL, this book is creating such a negative impact. Toilet paper had me laughing. Ok I can break free of it because seriously I don't know of any tp that has restraining capabilities. What are they using 1billion ply?
07/22/2012