Many people I know are now into things sexually they would have ones turned their nose up at. I have found myself requiring heavier activity to get that same rush. I personally have crossed something I would have considered a "hard limit" but nothing that would be harmful, so I don't really find it problematic. I have had friends, however, whose interests have progressed to a point I worry they could put themselves in real danger and I wonder what everyone else's experience have been. I made posting anonymous.
Are you into the same things you were when you first got into kinky activities? Have you found that you've started to require more and more extreme or taboo activities to "get off"?
01/22/2010
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Well, I would vote both that I have a problem and that I don't for my fetishes and "kinks" becoming more extreme. There are certain ones that I am alright with, but others that I find myself getting upset about because I feel as if it's sick of me to want those things.
Urination is one of them. I had a talk with a friend about it a long time ago, and I said to them, "That is absolutely revolting!" Now, I am willing to not only feel it but also drink it. Go figure. HAHA! That one I'm alright with, though.
I have a fetish for blood that I do not talk about because it has made my partner nervous. That's one of the few that I'm not alright with, because when that fetish is indulged, it becomes heightened and more extreme.
No, I do not feel that I need more taboo activities to get me off. Sometimes, I just go back to the regular every day crop or cane, and sometimes even just my hand, to smack my partner's tush with. Nothing interesting. And I am just as pleased as if we had introduced something more "disgusting" into our play.
Urination is one of them. I had a talk with a friend about it a long time ago, and I said to them, "That is absolutely revolting!" Now, I am willing to not only feel it but also drink it. Go figure. HAHA! That one I'm alright with, though.
I have a fetish for blood that I do not talk about because it has made my partner nervous. That's one of the few that I'm not alright with, because when that fetish is indulged, it becomes heightened and more extreme.
No, I do not feel that I need more taboo activities to get me off. Sometimes, I just go back to the regular every day crop or cane, and sometimes even just my hand, to smack my partner's tush with. Nothing interesting. And I am just as pleased as if we had introduced something more "disgusting" into our play.
01/22/2010
Quote:
Blood is one of the first activities I started with (at about 13/14). I probably started with golden showers at about 17. These days I'm definitely more involved with GS than blood. Partly because I scar SO easily that play piercing is the only thing I can do without scarring, but mostly because I'm just more into GS. Its definitely on my top 5 favorite activities list.
Originally posted by
Sir
Well, I would vote both that I have a problem and that I don't for my fetishes and "kinks" becoming more extreme. There are certain ones that I am alright with, but others that I find myself getting upset about because I feel as if
...
more
Well, I would vote both that I have a problem and that I don't for my fetishes and "kinks" becoming more extreme. There are certain ones that I am alright with, but others that I find myself getting upset about because I feel as if it's sick of me to want those things.
Urination is one of them. I had a talk with a friend about it a long time ago, and I said to them, "That is absolutely revolting!" Now, I am willing to not only feel it but also drink it. Go figure. HAHA! That one I'm alright with, though.
I have a fetish for blood that I do not talk about because it has made my partner nervous. That's one of the few that I'm not alright with, because when that fetish is indulged, it becomes heightened and more extreme.
No, I do not feel that I need more taboo activities to get me off. Sometimes, I just go back to the regular every day crop or cane, and sometimes even just my hand, to smack my partner's tush with. Nothing interesting. And I am just as pleased as if we had introduced something more "disgusting" into our play. less
Urination is one of them. I had a talk with a friend about it a long time ago, and I said to them, "That is absolutely revolting!" Now, I am willing to not only feel it but also drink it. Go figure. HAHA! That one I'm alright with, though.
I have a fetish for blood that I do not talk about because it has made my partner nervous. That's one of the few that I'm not alright with, because when that fetish is indulged, it becomes heightened and more extreme.
No, I do not feel that I need more taboo activities to get me off. Sometimes, I just go back to the regular every day crop or cane, and sometimes even just my hand, to smack my partner's tush with. Nothing interesting. And I am just as pleased as if we had introduced something more "disgusting" into our play. less
There was definitely a time I thought enemas were weird and kind of gross and now I find myself with a big ol' stupid grin on my face, on all fours with a belly full of water/wine (only 1:3!)/piss.
01/22/2010
I think that so much is mental and the relationship with the person that it could go a long way with one person, but then I'd completely back down to almost vanilla with someone else...
I like the thread!
I like the thread!
01/22/2010
Quote:
I can relate. While my interests have definitely escalated, they don't always remain at that heightened place. While my boyfriend and i do some things that would make some people wince, we also just like to have good old fashioned penile-vaginal intercourse.
Originally posted by
Dragon
I think that so much is mental and the relationship with the person that it could go a long way with one person, but then I'd completely back down to almost vanilla with someone else...
I like the thread!
I like the thread!
I also don't think I would do half of the things with other people that I am into doing with my boyfriend. Part of what I get off on as a bottom is that he finds it hot. Additionally, I find the expulsion of enema water in front of someone MUCH more intimate than the traditional person's view of sex. While I am in a sexually open relationship I would probably be very uncomfortable losing my control in a way I find "extreme" to someone other than my boyfriend.
01/22/2010
I find myself going through cycles. There are times that for extended time periods (weeks and sometimes months) I am pushing the envelope harder, faster and more extreme than I ever thought I would (and growing a lot because of it.) Then there are other times where my husband and I have 'vanilla' sex for an extended time period. I'm actually glad that this is the natural pattern we fall into, back and forth, because we connect on different levels depending on which cycle we're in.
01/22/2010
I tend to push the envelope. I find I can take more now and in fact want more in BDSM. My b/f tends to hold back in fear of hurting me, when I say harder he thinks it my aroused state rather then a request.
And yes, we do have just plain vanilla sex esp in the am.
And yes, we do have just plain vanilla sex esp in the am.
01/23/2010
I think I have about the same interests from when I started, but my ability to do new types of play and be educated about them has changed. I was into watersports long before BDSM, so that one doesn't count. However, I've learned how to, and often do, fireplay, wax play, knife play, and some of the other edge plays - it's nice to have the knowledge even if it's not my kink.
As for something I never thought I'd want to try? Pony training. I'm hoping to get a book on it soon, and the idea of having someone so skilled and patient sounds nice to me.
As for something I never thought I'd want to try? Pony training. I'm hoping to get a book on it soon, and the idea of having someone so skilled and patient sounds nice to me.
01/23/2010
I think that sexual interests changing and evolving over a sexual career is pretty normal and in my opinion even desirable. Some people come into their sexual identity earlier than others, and sometimes it takes (in my case) 21 years before you're able to put your finger on something and realize it makes you hot. My friend the other day was telling me how she was on a certain mind altering substance and it was only then that she realized she LOVED having things put in her mouth. So I think a certain kind of progression of interests makes sense. I also think getting more deeply into your kink as your experience level increases is also pretty logical. As far as needing more intense forms of the same kind of play, I don't run into that problem personally because I get bored easily. That is to say I'll usually get tired of a certain fantasy or role play long before I'd ever have to worry about it getting physically/emotionally dangerous.
As an example, long before I was ever identified with kink in any way I was into highly physical and violent activities either during or in place of sex. Some of it got to a point that some would consider dangerous, but eventually I felt like I had done the damn thing to death. It's not that violence has disappeared from sex for me, but it's been supplanted as the priority. To name a new one, a longstanding curiosity/fascination with age dynamics grew into an awesome realization of age role playing and even relationship dynamic somewhat. Hopefully one day that too will be usurped by another left field desire so I'll get to experience something else entirely.
For people that are less flexible (true fetishists, people that really NEED that activity/rp/etc to get off) and continue to escalate in the intensity of their kink can be problematic depending on the kink. Ultimately though, unless I feel like someone is going to do something that may take their life, I try to separate myself from the situation. It's harder to do when it's a close friend and I honestly don't envy your situation.
As an example, long before I was ever identified with kink in any way I was into highly physical and violent activities either during or in place of sex. Some of it got to a point that some would consider dangerous, but eventually I felt like I had done the damn thing to death. It's not that violence has disappeared from sex for me, but it's been supplanted as the priority. To name a new one, a longstanding curiosity/fascination with age dynamics grew into an awesome realization of age role playing and even relationship dynamic somewhat. Hopefully one day that too will be usurped by another left field desire so I'll get to experience something else entirely.
For people that are less flexible (true fetishists, people that really NEED that activity/rp/etc to get off) and continue to escalate in the intensity of their kink can be problematic depending on the kink. Ultimately though, unless I feel like someone is going to do something that may take their life, I try to separate myself from the situation. It's harder to do when it's a close friend and I honestly don't envy your situation.
01/31/2010
Quote:
Ditto this, 100% except changing out pertinent fetishes and roles.
Originally posted by
Domineight
I can relate. While my interests have definitely escalated, they don't always remain at that heightened place. While my boyfriend and i do some things that would make some people wince, we also just like to have good old fashioned penile-vaginal
...
more
I can relate. While my interests have definitely escalated, they don't always remain at that heightened place. While my boyfriend and i do some things that would make some people wince, we also just like to have good old fashioned penile-vaginal intercourse.
I also don't think I would do half of the things with other people that I am into doing with my boyfriend. Part of what I get off on as a bottom is that he finds it hot. Additionally, I find the expulsion of enema water in front of someone MUCH more intimate than the traditional person's view of sex. While I am in a sexually open relationship I would probably be very uncomfortable losing my control in a way I find "extreme" to someone other than my boyfriend. less
I also don't think I would do half of the things with other people that I am into doing with my boyfriend. Part of what I get off on as a bottom is that he finds it hot. Additionally, I find the expulsion of enema water in front of someone MUCH more intimate than the traditional person's view of sex. While I am in a sexually open relationship I would probably be very uncomfortable losing my control in a way I find "extreme" to someone other than my boyfriend. less
01/31/2010
You can change your preferences and allow your sensitivity to return by simply backing down the intensity and allowing the change to occur. Yes repeated exposure can lower the threshold of tolerance but it doesn't have to...and like everything that happens to humans it's subjective. The brain is your most powerful sexual organ and you can retrain it to do just about anything, except maybe changing your natural proclivities ( I do not believe it is possible to change sexual orientation for instance by 'retraining' the brain). Still if you believe you are getting into stuff that is potentially dangerous or makes you feel ashamed afterwards there are two techniques that seem to work. One is to back off and begin looking at the things you found exciting when you didn't feel ashamed and allowing a cooling off period, or you can immerse yourself in the experience of the disturbing activity until it no longer holds appeal ( providing it is safe, sane and above all LEGAL). I find the former to be more effective but I've seen the latter work as well.
01/31/2010
Quote:
Its not really that the KINDS of activities I like have changed as much as like, I'm into humiliation. Doing the same thing over and over, especially with the same person, becomes less humiliating and you start looking for something heavier. I could see this happening with pain or something for other people. I'm lucky that I'm into enough variation that I can always switch it up.
Originally posted by
Owl Identified
I think that sexual interests changing and evolving over a sexual career is pretty normal and in my opinion even desirable. Some people come into their sexual identity earlier than others, and sometimes it takes (in my case) 21 years before
...
more
I think that sexual interests changing and evolving over a sexual career is pretty normal and in my opinion even desirable. Some people come into their sexual identity earlier than others, and sometimes it takes (in my case) 21 years before you're able to put your finger on something and realize it makes you hot. My friend the other day was telling me how she was on a certain mind altering substance and it was only then that she realized she LOVED having things put in her mouth. So I think a certain kind of progression of interests makes sense. I also think getting more deeply into your kink as your experience level increases is also pretty logical. As far as needing more intense forms of the same kind of play, I don't run into that problem personally because I get bored easily. That is to say I'll usually get tired of a certain fantasy or role play long before I'd ever have to worry about it getting physically/emotionally dangerous.
As an example, long before I was ever identified with kink in any way I was into highly physical and violent activities either during or in place of sex. Some of it got to a point that some would consider dangerous, but eventually I felt like I had done the damn thing to death. It's not that violence has disappeared from sex for me, but it's been supplanted as the priority. To name a new one, a longstanding curiosity/fascination with age dynamics grew into an awesome realization of age role playing and even relationship dynamic somewhat. Hopefully one day that too will be usurped by another left field desire so I'll get to experience something else entirely.
For people that are less flexible (true fetishists, people that really NEED that activity/rp/etc to get off) and continue to escalate in the intensity of their kink can be problematic depending on the kink. Ultimately though, unless I feel like someone is going to do something that may take their life, I try to separate myself from the situation. It's harder to do when it's a close friend and I honestly don't envy your situation. less
As an example, long before I was ever identified with kink in any way I was into highly physical and violent activities either during or in place of sex. Some of it got to a point that some would consider dangerous, but eventually I felt like I had done the damn thing to death. It's not that violence has disappeared from sex for me, but it's been supplanted as the priority. To name a new one, a longstanding curiosity/fascination with age dynamics grew into an awesome realization of age role playing and even relationship dynamic somewhat. Hopefully one day that too will be usurped by another left field desire so I'll get to experience something else entirely.
For people that are less flexible (true fetishists, people that really NEED that activity/rp/etc to get off) and continue to escalate in the intensity of their kink can be problematic depending on the kink. Ultimately though, unless I feel like someone is going to do something that may take their life, I try to separate myself from the situation. It's harder to do when it's a close friend and I honestly don't envy your situation. less
I try not to nose into other peoples sex lives but it is sometimes people I am extremely close to (obvi not you) where the situation is at the point of being abusive or put them in real physical and/or psychological danger. One person specifically I have tried to address it with them and when I do it always ends in them saying they KNOW it is a terrible situation but can't bring themselves to change it. Its really hard to see someone you care so much about be treated so awfully.
01/31/2010
Strangely enough I've always had fantasy dreams of being tied up since I was really young, but I haven't really had anything extreme happen yet with my partner. So, maybe things will progress more as time goes on to say.
02/08/2010
None of those options really fit me.
I startout out as submissive. Then I got really switchy. Now I identify as a top-heavy switch. As a newbie to BDSM I couldn't take much pain. My abilities grew and now I like a good amount more sometimes. It's nowhere near at a dangerous level.
There are scenes I watch that I never would have been able to before. A singletail crack used to make me shudder. Now I like it. In fact I love cracking a bullwhip myself. Needle play used to be a HARD limit. Not I've been involved in play piercings as a top and a bottom.
There are levels of play that I aspire to, but none of them make me feel I will have gone "too far".
I startout out as submissive. Then I got really switchy. Now I identify as a top-heavy switch. As a newbie to BDSM I couldn't take much pain. My abilities grew and now I like a good amount more sometimes. It's nowhere near at a dangerous level.
There are scenes I watch that I never would have been able to before. A singletail crack used to make me shudder. Now I like it. In fact I love cracking a bullwhip myself. Needle play used to be a HARD limit. Not I've been involved in play piercings as a top and a bottom.
There are levels of play that I aspire to, but none of them make me feel I will have gone "too far".
02/11/2010
I've definitely broadened my horizons after a very short time. Some I'm still shy about mentioning but I'm coming around. There were some things that almost made me want to throw up that now I'm craving.
03/09/2010
I think that, like all aspects of my life at this stage, my sexual preferences are growing and expanding. I'm learning more, I'm pushing my boundaries and comfort zone out, I'm experiencing new things, I'm being exposed to different beliefs and cultures and ways of thinking.. so it makes sense that in the sexual part of my life I'd be doing the same thing.
Also, like a few people have mentioned, once you do the same thing over and over it becomes(mentally) safe, comfortable, non-humiliating (to an extent; I'm talking about fairly tame stuff here). I remember thinking I'd never give a blowjob, and that my bum was exit-only.
Then again, I find that it fluctuates. For a while, I'll say "Let's do EVERYTHING!" And then for a few months I'll think, no, I could never really do that... and then I'm right back on the way-far-out-there-kink y train.
Also, like a few people have mentioned, once you do the same thing over and over it becomes(mentally) safe, comfortable, non-humiliating (to an extent; I'm talking about fairly tame stuff here). I remember thinking I'd never give a blowjob, and that my bum was exit-only.
Then again, I find that it fluctuates. For a while, I'll say "Let's do EVERYTHING!" And then for a few months I'll think, no, I could never really do that... and then I'm right back on the way-far-out-there-kink y train.
03/09/2010
I'm an adrenaline junky who likes to push my mind and body to extremes. This includes pushing my sexual/masochistic limits/boundaries.
Probably some of the extremes I used to go to could be considered problematic. But these days, everything we do is pretty tame compared to the lengths I went to go for an adrenaline rush before I discovered BDSM. I mean, at least this way, the damage done to my body and mind is temporary and performed in a safe environment.
Probably some of the extremes I used to go to could be considered problematic. But these days, everything we do is pretty tame compared to the lengths I went to go for an adrenaline rush before I discovered BDSM. I mean, at least this way, the damage done to my body and mind is temporary and performed in a safe environment.
05/16/2010
This is a very thought provoking question. It's something I have been thinking about lately. Some things that have changed for myself:
Bruised - I used to be scared, now I crave them.
Needles/Blood - The thought of needles and blood used to squick me out! Now, I have yet to play with either, but the idea makes me incredibly hot!
It's also just interesting how we have progressed. We have just started getting into rope. The smell of hemp rope just makes me drool.
Thanks for making me think!
Bruised - I used to be scared, now I crave them.
Needles/Blood - The thought of needles and blood used to squick me out! Now, I have yet to play with either, but the idea makes me incredibly hot!
It's also just interesting how we have progressed. We have just started getting into rope. The smell of hemp rope just makes me drool.
Thanks for making me think!
06/19/2010
I started with spanking and now I am into single tail whips. I would say that's pretty drastic.
10/21/2010
My interest have stayed about the same with the occasional spur of the moment fun idea~
10/21/2010
My interest has changed ALOT over the past 2 years. Things that I never thought I'd be into, I now love.
10/22/2010
I was extremely vanilla for awhile. I think it was because I was supposed to be some sort of good Christian girl, so I denied myself of a lot of things and had a lot of guilt. When I finally embraced it, it felt much better. I'm perfectly fine in my sexuality, but I know that if half my friends knew what I was into, they think, wow, what a kinky bitch.
11/29/2010
I wouldn't go so far as to say that I require heavier play to get off now but I do enjoy it. I have found that the more time I spend in the community the more open I am to ideas that used to be hard limits. On the other hand I still very much enjoy the activities that I started out with. I would say that its just a process of growing and learning.
02/05/2011
My fetishes are changing, but I wouldn't say that they become more extreme or less extreme. They just change
02/06/2011
My husband is a little more into the extreme than I am lately. That's ok, we'll sync back up soon. I find I enjoy things I didn't when I was a teenager/young adult and there are things I used to enjoy that I have no interest in any more. I think it's all fluid and very easily influenced by my stressors and new things we hear about.
02/06/2011
They've gotten a bit more extreme, but my partner's interests follow mine
02/06/2011
We have started engaging in some light slapping but we rarely do it. We used to do a bit of bondage but that has died away.
It seems the new things that we try rarely stay.
I wish we would engage in bondage more often and that my partner was more willing to do new things more often.
It seems the new things that we try rarely stay.
I wish we would engage in bondage more often and that my partner was more willing to do new things more often.
02/07/2011
I'm relatively new to this, so I don't really think I've developed enough to answer this fully.
02/10/2011
This is a new area for us, but I do find myself more comfortable with things as time goes on and more willing to try activities I didn't want to have any part in before.
02/13/2011
Quote:
Theyve become more hardcore
Originally posted by
Domineight
Many people I know are now into things sexually they would have ones turned their nose up at. I have found myself requiring heavier activity to get that same rush. I personally have crossed something I would have considered a "hard limit"
...
more
Many people I know are now into things sexually they would have ones turned their nose up at. I have found myself requiring heavier activity to get that same rush. I personally have crossed something I would have considered a "hard limit" but nothing that would be harmful, so I don't really find it problematic. I have had friends, however, whose interests have progressed to a point I worry they could put themselves in real danger and I wonder what everyone else's experience have been. I made posting anonymous.
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02/15/2011