We have used a little bit of playful restraint only when I initiated it on him first. Each time I think he was so caught off guard that he kind of laughed a little. He participated but I just couldn't tell if it was his scene. I would love for him to just take the reigns and be the total Dominant That is just so not what we have been about though. I'm not saying I want that every night. But I really want to feel what that would be like from him. He's ex-military so I know he has it in him. I've just never seen that side of him. He's almost old fashioned when it comes to how he treats me which is nice. I have always struggled with communication so I know I need to try and do this in a way that his ego remains in tact, I get what I'm looking for, and he understands the concept, without me making him feel uncomfortable, and me looking unrecognizable after 18 yrs of marriage. I almost feel like he and I BOTH need a class for beginners lol. I want to delve a little bit deeper than playful I think. Maybe that's not such a good idea until I can get him to stop giggling? ?? less

Sounds to me like you just might want to try talking to him. I'd start out by letting him know that the regular sex is good and that you've been thinking about him being a little or a lot more Dominant on occasion in the bedroom. Feel free to tweak that last statement to your audience. Ask him how he feels regarding the issue and move from there.

You should know that not everyone is cut out to be a Dom and if this is what you want, you both should probably seek a how to guide or hit up a class or two on the subject. This way, you know what you will be in for. Communication and Information are the keys. less

I'm not entirely sure how to help, but the following information could be a good starting point. If you know what specifically you want to change? If so, I'd highly recommend, if this service is available to you, dropping by your local sex positive adult store and popping into a class. This option isn't available to everyone and there are a lot of adult stores that do not participate in educating the public.

Another option could be to grab an educational movie. Tristan Taorimino has made a few guides that cover a variety of topics that you might or might not want to indulge in. These movies are educational as well as entertaining. Dr. Ava Cadell, Nina Hartley and the movie studio Wicked have also made a few instructional movies as well. Personally, I'd watch a video that addresses my interests and watch with my partner. Then I'd discuss the aspects we both find arousing.

Time to grab some popcorn, your spouse, a blanket and the couch. You guys have some research to do! less

At first I didn't even know about this hidden world. I'm naturally a little shy in the bedroom. I never understood why I felt the need to be "led". Call it cliché but after a few books about the subject I started to feel like there might be a missing piece to my puzzle. I think I may be naturally submissive. I also have some anxiety and get tense from work a lot! I thought a little BDSM practice could help release some of those tensions. After what I have read I have found it extremely arousing but I understand a lot is probably fluff lol. I know im not into anything hard core. But I'm curious about how to bring my husband into this concept of play without him thinking I have lost my mind. Not to mention. ..he is clueless to the lifestyle (at least i think he is) and the sexy visions floating around in my little head. Im not sure really where or how to begin. I just know that I think this is something I need/want. Help please. I feel kind of green and all over the place with this. Wherected does a new couple begin? What if I hurt his feelings by implying our current love making isn't enough less

Books like "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" "The New Topping Book" "The New Bottoming Book" "S/M 101" "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" are all great places to start. You can also go to a local sex shop, preferrably one that is BDSM/leather lifestyle friendly, and lots of times the clerks there are really helpful and some even offer classes. Or try looking into local kink events in your area, munches, discussion groups, not play events so it won't be anything scary or intimidating, just getting to mingle with kinky people or a discussion. Most people in the community are really open and friendly and love to educate. Good luck. less

You can also check out fetlife.com which is a bdsm based community where you can find local support groups and other like minded people in your community as well as tons of great information getting into bdsm. As well as safety when evolving different play since even the simplest of ties ( rope around wrist ) can cause nerve damage if not done and watched carefully. less

Thank you! Question about fetlife. Will random people try contacting for hookups lol. That's the last thing I need to try and explain I was going to get an account but all the screen names I kept coming up with had been taken so I finally shut it down. I need to spark some creativity before I go back in I guess! Lol less

The next time I went I turned on the private browsing window. col
Total of 3 times and not visited since. Hope the forum picks up here so will not wander. Soon cold spell will be over and I will be able to go outdoors again. Oh, that also means more yard work and drats spring cleaning.

Yes, I know less

The next time I went I turned on the private browsing window. col
Total of 3 times and not visited since. Hope the forum picks up here so will not wander. Soon cold spell will be over and I will be able to go outdoors again. Oh, that also means more yard work and drats spring cleaning.

Yes, I know less

I hate the cold. I was made for warmth, sun, sand, and oceans. Snow, only if I choose to visit it . So, I will be glad when winter is over here as well. I really live in the wrong state.

Im brand new here so I'm so glad to hear things are picking up! I have enjoyed the conversations and topics a lot. less

California is one of my favorite places. You are So fortunate to be there. Today's hi was 20! Do you know what that does to the skin? I am drowning in moisturizer and body butters just trying to keep my skin from chapping and drying out. I think I may have actually been a California girl in a past life lol. less

It is possible, you might have been a California girl in a previous life. I just hope you were living in a city closer to the beach and not a city like Stockton or Bakersfield.

Oh, and yes. I do know how 20 degree weather can dry out your skin. less

Look up some stuff on what DOM's do and buy some stuff try some stuff. I suggest getting the 50 shades of grey electrodes, some nipple vibes, and glass dildos. After he ties you up however that goes down be the person you are a submissive. Tell him wht you'll try. Those are nice and easy ones that won't get you into trouble in the I don't want to be hurt area.

oucho electrodes... stimulates with electricity
link

Nipple clamps
link

Hot and Cold Play with dildos can be a bdsm thing.. There are a few ideas to try. Well they are on my list. less

I hate the cold. I was made for warmth, sun, sand, and oceans. Snow, only if I choose to visit it . So, I will be glad when winter is over here as well. I really live in the wrong state.

Im brand new here so I'm so glad to hear things are picking up! I have enjoyed the conversations and topics a lot. less