I'm terribly guilty of "Topping from the Bottom" Sir. I'm sure you've seen me say this before.

It's just the dynamic which works for My Man and I. It doesn't work for every pairing, by a long shot.



I think your personal dynamic with your SO is individual.

I like to trip My Man's wire....a Lot.

Yeah, I definitely know what you mean. I mean, hey, it works out for some people, and it's good that it works for you and your partner. It used to work out for us until my partner took it too far. It poses a big problem when it doesn't, so when it does, more power to it.

Always say thinks I shouldn't say, try to escape from the bondage so the dom has to lock it.

I can see where it wouldn't work. But, our relationship is playful/antagonistic/t easing so it works for us.

When there are real relationship issues, we try to take it up outside the domain of sex and things like that. He has a short fuse and so do I, so being playful and "bratty" is my best work.

I agree with this... spankings and such are my rewards for being a "good girl". My punishments are akin to him fucking my mouth or teasing me with things that really turn me on like nipple play or spanking, but not letting me come to release. For a little while the torture of this is nice, but if I have been bad, I don't get to release at ALL! For DAYS. If he finds out I have touched myself or had any release behind his back, he finds ways to humiliate me, which is part of being a sub I HATE, so he only reserves this for EXTREME cases. I have only had him do to this once, and I learned my lesson!

So, no. I don't misbehave, because I know when I am a good girl, Daddy always makes sure I am well satisfied.

But the submissive always truly has control over the situation. They're the ones with the real ability to stop or start things.

HAHA same here. Seriously. If I weren't terrified of spiders and snakes, I think he'd get a plexi-glass case and throw me in it before filling it with creepy crawlies

Well perhaps at times, depends on the mood Im in....

I agree, Crash. That's the way I see it. (Don't tell the Doms. Shhhh.)

I posted this and started to make dinner, and realized I wanted to clarify some things. Every one's relationship is different and everyone in a D/S, M/S, BD or other form or Power Dynamic relationship is different.

I don't at all think there is one "right way" to structure a relationship, and Power Dynamics play a part in ALL relationships, whether the people identify it (as many of us in D/s, M/s, BDSM structure may do) or not.

In the structure My Man and I have, it evolved gradually. 25 years ago, I NEVER would have thought of myself as "A Sub" if I even knew what it was. Ours is mostly D/S in the bedroom, but as My Man is a pretty heavy Alpha Male, it also appears in our financial life (he makes most of the money and also makes most of the financial decisions for us, for better or worse) as well as a lot of how we spend our time (I get excited when I get to pick a movie we are going to watch. He just sees things like this as being his prerogative. I see it as not worth messing with.) but there are areas I reserve as mine. Childcare being one of them. (Of course a lot of people would see the idea of ME being the Primary Caregiver to our children as a Subbie thing. I don't.) Not counting fun in the bedroom, any effort to "punish" me has pretty much failed. (He once unplugged all the TVs and computers in the house, and tied the cords in knots, because he didn't think the house was "clean enough" so I went on strike and sat on the couch all day and did absolutely NOTHING. Yeah, I'm a Brat.) He does resort to freezing me out sometimes, which I view as childish. I guess he's at a loss.

My Man and I also have a lot of playfulness in our relationship (I think we all have to, just to survive) and so I "get away" with a lot. I've also made it clear (and Sir's observation that I "Top from the Bottom" is completely accurate) there is simply no "right" way to do any relationship. But, I do think a lot of us who recognize the Power Structure in our relationships, as ALL relationships have them, even when the participants claim total "equality," may have it better off. We are recognizing and addressing something that has been a hidden and often ignored fact. A Kingdom cannot have two Kings. All couples (or triads or even quads) have a Power Structure, even if they don't admit to it. I think it is healthy to try to expound on this, so that one's relationship, defined, can flourish.

However, I know the way we do things is far from the only way. Our relationship changes over time, and I like it that way. Also, I understand that usually relationships evolve in a way that benefits both (or more) members, and that all people are different.

The thread was started in a lighthearted way, and I'm glad it has stayed this way, for the most part. But, evidently, I did touch on a nerve I didn't know I had, and am finding a lot of interesting variations on a theme. I find relationships fascinating (real ones, not the stuff of "Romantic Comedies" which I think give young women a really bad example of what NOT to do, and what WON'T ever happen in a real relationship.) and I like to learn as much as I can, not just from Academia, but from real people. Things like this also help us on the Eden site get to know each other better.

This thread is teaching me a lot. Thank you all for your honest replies.

Keep them coming, if you have stories or comments.