Yes. Unfortunately, that relationship did not last but the training did, and it tends to weird out guys who are looking for an equal. I also find that it is difficult for me to take initiative now, and as not all guys like to be in control of every situation, it can be frustrating for both of us, especially if they expect me to initiate things.

I don't regret it, because I absolutely wanted to be in that kind of relationship and get the training, but it did effect my life in more than just the bedroom. The breakup was really tough since my Master was such a big part of my life, and the training was strong enough to carry over into my professional life and friendships as well, which can be difficult at times. My next boyfriend will have a pre-trained sub though, so if I find a guy who's into it, it will be great! less

Sure! Part of my training was to ensure that I was to obey every order given to me, without questioning what I was told or giving my opinion on the matter at hand. This was probably the most difficult part to, hmm, get to "sink in". I was never really willful or stubborn, but I liked to know the "why" of things, so it took a lot of work to make my automatic response perfect obedience. At the time, I was going to school with my Master and we had all the same classes, so we were constantly together and I was used to having orders given for absolutely everything.

Once we split, I felt really abandoned not having someone to tell me what to do all the time, and I turned to my friends to offer me that feeling of security. They were pretty weirded out - they wanted a friend, not a slave or a pet! They found it kind of creepy and a bit boring, but do appreciate how loyal I've become, which was nice. Now they are pretty much used to it.

Also, I did not begin working until after we broke up, and I had trouble finding a job that wouldn't expect too much autonomy from me. I was constantly worried that, without detailed instruction, I would do something wrong or ruin something. Since then I've found that it's not usually an issue. Most jobs looking for someone with my level of experience, even if they say they want you to be able to work without direction, are actually pretty structured and repetitive! Thank goodness. So I guess that only affected which jobs I felt would be appropriate for me while I was unemployed, not actually in the workplace.

Another issue is that I strongly associate men with my training, in terms of both what was expected of me and the punishment I would receive if I disobeyed. This led to me feeling extremely uncomfortable when in the company of my males, especially if they were interested in me and I did not return their feelings, because turning them down just felt wrong, even dangerous. I was really bad at handling that kind of situation, and it took a while to get to the point where I wouldn't panic at the thought of having to tell a guy "no". I still have some trouble with this, but I've gotten good at just avoiding those situations before they have a chance to develop.

Not sure if that was helpful or not, sorry! If there was something you were wondering about specifically, don't hesitate to ask! less