The New Intimacy

What do you think of when someone mentions a professional dominatrix

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Relating to: Three Days with Dina the Dominatrix: An Outsider Goes Inside the World of Professional Domination

Lots of folks into BDSM here on Eden. Lots of folks that aren't. Hungry4more's article on SexIs is a hilarious and honest look at how an outsider - someone naive about BDSM and not exactly "into it" - sees the world of a professional dominatrix.

What pops into your head when you hear "pro domme" or other BDSM terms?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Leather. Lots of leather.
136
Whips and chains.
129
CBT, giant dildos, sissyboys & bootlicking goodness.
94
I watch CSI. Someone always dies around the dominatrix!
26
BDSM is dirty and bad and I don't think about it at all.
Mmmm... BDSM is dirty and bad.
72
Beat me with a salami!
9
I'd like to get paid for that stuff.
70
Aren't they just prostitutes in a corset with one of those crop thingies?
13
Stop it. BDSM is serious stuff and you should not make light of it.
17
Total votes: 566 (211 voters)
Poll is closed
06/22/2009
  • Treat Her! Gift Set For Women For $69.99 Only
  • Complete lovers gift set
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Oggins Oggins
Hmm, that's kind of hard for me to sum up because I'm thinking so many things at once. Firstly, I'm thinking RESPECT! Or esle you'll probably regret it...but then again, maybe not...=P

I'm also thinking compliance and hot sex but that's probably just me.....=)

You know what though, I might enjoy being beat with a salami! =P
06/22/2009
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Quote:
Originally posted by Oggins
Hmm, that's kind of hard for me to sum up because I'm thinking so many things at once. Firstly, I'm thinking RESPECT! Or esle you'll probably regret it...but then again, maybe not...=P

I'm also thinking compliance and hot ... more
I'd be distracted and trying to eat it. Heh.

That part of the sidebar in the article made me laugh so hard I had to include it, though.
06/22/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Seriously, if I had the money- my home would be a dungeon. I survive on being a Web Domme (I know, we're a sad farce of "real" Dommes) but it's been enough to get me by..... seriously though, if I had the start up $ this place would be teeming with sweaty men with puckered assholes.
06/22/2009
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Seriously, if I had the money- my home would be a dungeon. I survive on being a Web Domme (I know, we're a sad farce of "real" Dommes) but it's been enough to get me by..... seriously though, if I had the start up $ this place would ... more
I'm sure some people already feel like their houses *are* teeming with puckered assholes.

(couldn't resist)
06/22/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I'm sure some people already feel like their houses *are* teeming with puckered assholes.

(couldn't resist)
Yea, my husband would probably agree with you!
06/22/2009
Contributor: Red Red
"What pops into your head when you hear "pro domme" or other BDSM terms?"

Usually something along the lines of "Oooooooooooooooooh... now where did my vibrator get off to?"
06/22/2009
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Seriously, if I had the money- my home would be a dungeon. I survive on being a Web Domme (I know, we're a sad farce of "real" Dommes) but it's been enough to get me by..... seriously though, if I had the start up $ this place would ... more
lol I'm right there with ya baby.

Although I'd need one more thing. That dominant nature. If I could buy one of those, I'd totally charge $300 an hour to use it on other people!

*mutters stuff about being submissive*
06/22/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I think I would like to be at her mercy just to see what it is like to be in that position.
06/22/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
A book I read - it was a woman's account of her time as a Pro Domme. I do think it's different from really being in the lifestyle/screen - for example, she was actually submissive. I do think that the business of it isn't what one should use to get to know the lifestyle but, then again, you're not going to ask an actor what it's like to be, say, Hitler, right? I do think that some of them are nothing more than prostitutes in a corset and that does leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think it does a disservice to "real" Pro Dommes and practicioners of BDSM. I read a book about a pro-sub who essentially just fucked for money in PVC and called it BDSM.


Also, it reminds me of this funny piece in Best Sex Writing 2009 - an open letter to George W in which she asked him to stop fucking over the country so her clientele would have a reason to come to her. d=
06/22/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I'm so freaking boring. Pro Dommes remind me of books?!?!?
06/22/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I'm so freaking boring. Pro Dommes remind me of books?!?!?
and I'm such a capitalist, all I can think of is the money. lol.
06/22/2009
Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
and I'm such a capitalist, all I can think of is the money. lol.
Me too! I would totally do it for money if opportunity was available.
06/23/2009
Contributor: ElizabethBlack ElizabethBlack
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Relating to: Three Days with Dina the Dominatrix: An Outsider Goes Inside the World of Professional Domination

Lots of folks into BDSM here on Eden. Lots of folks that aren't. Hungry4more's article on SexIs is a hilarious and honest ... more
I think that it sounds like great fun. If I were into BDSM, I'd probably be a switch.
06/23/2009
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
I only want to beat people when I'm mad at them so I'm thinking...

yeah.

No pro domme stuff for me. I'd end up either failing or in jail :0
06/23/2009
Contributor: Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
I only want to beat people when I'm mad at them so I'm thinking...

yeah.

No pro domme stuff for me. I'd end up either failing or in jail :0
I'm actually finding that I am calmer than usual when being dominant. I've experienced that it's because I'm having to focus so much to keep the situation under my control and safe. It's odd because I thought I would be more aggressive with it (as my general nature is rather aggressive), but actually I have to work at being aggressive. If that makes sense. (At the moment I am 8 days removed from ALL sources of caffeine so I don't think I'm making sense.)
06/23/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
My first thought is of the book, "First Sin" by Cheyenne McCray. A couple of federal agents have to go undercover at a few BDSM clubs, and what they do in those places is definitely more than I could go. Caning, a common practice, to the point that you almost pass out is not my idea of pleasurable. The female agent had to pretend to be the sub, though, not the dom. "Wicked Surrender" is one of three stories in "Total Surrender", also by McCray. I had to skip through parts of it. I'm talking hard core, not some of the lighter stuff you usually see connected with BDSM.

I laughed when one of the choices above mentioned CSI, because I LOVED the character of Lady Heather! Grissom liked her, too, apparently.
06/23/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Actually, when I buy a house later on in life, I will have a dungeon. My bedroom is currently basically one already, though I don't do service for anyone other than my little girl.
06/28/2009
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
One of my friends once told me that when he was living in NYC, he knew this woman who was a pro domme and she raked in something crazy like $400/hr. I could definitely get into that.
06/28/2009
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
Whips chains and pain. But that's before I discovered that there is a wide variation of BDSM, from light to heavy. We're more into the lighter stuff... being tied up, spanked but not inducing a lot of pain.
07/05/2009
Contributor: Lolita Slut Lolita Slut
I have never watched anyone interact with a pro Domme, but I have done a public scene with a stranger, and I imagine the negotiation between a client and a pro Domme at a club would be very similar. They need to go through a check list of safety concerns, not only physical but mental as well, then a checklist of what is and isn't ok. The thing that is most important for that type of negotiation I imagine is a discussion of the client's fantasy: what does s/he want to get out of the scene? What will they be satisfied with?

It's so hard to make sure these things go right, as you are playing with fire here. When it's somebody who you don't know, anything could set them off. Do they even know themselves well enough to accurately warn you of their limits? What if they become non-verbal, or freeze in fear? Then the scene could become a disturbing experience.

Also, there is often a great dissonance between what we fantasize about doing and what we are actually willing to do--knowing this fact and carefully considering your limitations is difficult, and often, you don't realize that you really AREN'T a pain slut/sissy boy/human toilet until it's too late, and you're already suffering. That's something a client needs to shut up and get over, but damn, that must be tough for a pro Domme to navigate. And emotionally exhausting.

It's easy to say "yeah, I'd be willing to make $400 an hour!" but how easy is it to emotionally and physically dominate a complete stranger without pushing the wrong buttons? Topping someone is emotionally exhausting enough, the personality change that one must affect day after day would just really be too much for me, I think.
07/06/2009
Contributor: Darkness Withinus Darkness Withinus
Quote:
Originally posted by Lolita Slut
I have never watched anyone interact with a pro Domme, but I have done a public scene with a stranger, and I imagine the negotiation between a client and a pro Domme at a club would be very similar. They need to go through a check list of safety ... more
I agree with that. Topping someone is one of the most exhausting things you can do depending on the person. I mean sure I love it but doing it with a complete stranger would be really tough. But I can't say I haven't thought about it at least once. Because with all of the risks and problems that go along with it doing it once in a while would be very enjoyable.
07/30/2009
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Oddly enough, the first thing that pops into my head is Eliza Dushku as Echo in "Dollhouse". During one episode, she's briefly implanted with the personality of a professional dominatrix. Eliza in leather. I can ask for no more.
10/28/2009
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
I think of my friends, because they do it to pay their tuition fees! It's not as easy as a lot of people that haven't done it make it seem; even as a non-paid top I can say it can be tiring, let alone doing it on the clock. Those ladies have my full respect.
10/28/2009
Contributor: TinyTease TinyTease
I think of leather, chains, whips and pain. I do not think of sex, because the experience of being Dominated, while it certainly can be and often is sexually arousing, is not about the sex. It's about relinquishing control. Also, not all Pro-Dommes sleep with their clients.

As Lolita Slut mentioned, topping another person, even someone you top on a regular basis, is very emotionally exhausting. To really make it as a Pro-Domme, and to be GOOD at it, one would have to be paying intensely close attention to their client and that would be very difficult with a stranger.

I have always enjoyed that fantasy and at one point, before I met my sub, I probably would have gone into that. However, being Dominant over my sub has become something so incredibly intimate and enriching that I cannot even imagine wanting to top someone else. He is my first, though, so maybe it's "first love syndrome," I don't know.
11/16/2009
Contributor: Zoet Zoet
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Relating to: Three Days with Dina the Dominatrix: An Outsider Goes Inside the World of Professional Domination

Lots of folks into BDSM here on Eden. Lots of folks that aren't. Hungry4more's article on SexIs is a hilarious and honest ... more
I think immediately of Mistress Matisse's fantastic blog.

Then quickly after Jillian Michaels.

Both bring a smile to my face!
12/17/2009
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
I actually think of one of the Pro Dommes that we have in the area. She's active in the local BDSM clubs.
12/23/2009
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Relating to: Three Days with Dina the Dominatrix: An Outsider Goes Inside the World of Professional Domination

Lots of folks into BDSM here on Eden. Lots of folks that aren't. Hungry4more's article on SexIs is a hilarious and honest ... more
Evil grin...you who make fun of the all powerful and magnificent Dominatrix shall be brought to heel!

LOL I always think of a warm person who genuinely cares for her "charges" but I also think of the stereotype and smile. I am so not afraid of a "cold" woman who barks orders to a sissyboi and expects her ass licked cause she is so gawd awful powerful or the guy who thinks because I'm female I am automatically a slave to his (or my) desires. PFFFFT! As if!

Now to really trip my trigger, if you are the true strong, silent, patient, firm and gentle man...well my knees weaken just at the thought!
02/19/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
Oddly enough, the first thing that pops into my head is Eliza Dushku as Echo in "Dollhouse". During one episode, she's briefly implanted with the personality of a professional dominatrix. Eliza in leather. I can ask for no more.
OMG You are so totally right! MMmmmMMMMmmmm Eliza in leather was HAWT! cOURSE eLIZA IN A BURLAP GUNNY SACK IS hawt!
02/19/2010
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
There are so many levels of dominance. I'm a sensual dominant, which for me is more about the attitude than the implements/toys/etc...
07/27/2010