The New Intimacy

EdenKink - Fetish Etiquette - Thursday, December 22nd, 2011 @ 8pm ET

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
That's a nice name. How do you pronounce it?
Rem-I-L or just Remi like remington. I don't mind it being pronounced Remi-L.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
So munches seem sort of laid back. Be respectful and keep your hands to yourself. What about more formal kink events? Have any of you attended anything with a stricter protocol?
12/22/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
So munches seem sort of laid back. Be respectful and keep your hands to yourself. What about more formal kink events? Have any of you attended anything with a stricter protocol?
Yeah, there's a M/s munch in the area that we try to attend. It's specifically for those in M/s relationships.
12/22/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
I haven't had the opportunity to attend anything more formal, although I've been invited to a private event. You need an invitation from a trusted member to get in.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
Rem-I-L or just Remi like remington. I don't mind it being pronounced Remi-L.
Woot! I guessed right then.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Dumb vanilla couple here - what is a munch?
12/22/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Dumb vanilla couple here - what is a munch?
A meeting of kinky people in a vanilla atmosphere where food and conversation is consumed
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Dumb vanilla couple here - what is a munch?
Any of you who've been to one want to tackle this one?
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
A meeting of kinky people in a vanilla atmosphere where food and conversation is consumed
Thanks, Luna
12/22/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Dumb vanilla couple here - what is a munch?
An informal social gathering, generally held at a restaurant, for kinky people, generally speaking.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Dumb vanilla couple here - what is a munch?
Glad you could be here tonight.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Kake aka PoeticErotica
An informal social gathering, generally held at a restaurant, for kinky people, generally speaking.
Thanks, Kake
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Yeah, there's a M/s munch in the area that we try to attend. It's specifically for those in M/s relationships.
Is there a stricter protocol at these meetings? If so, would you mind describing what you can?
12/22/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
Thanks, Kake
np
12/22/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
Is there a stricter protocol at these meetings? If so, would you mind describing what you can?
Yes there is a stricter protocol at these meetings.

Dress code is business casual or higher. All submissives are to address Dominants with titles. Personal "at home" protocols are encouraged (it's in a private club so no issue with vanillas). Respect is a higher priority.
12/22/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
I feel like I should link the Pervocracy's post on getting into BDSM and getting out in the community.
12/22/2011
Contributor: winterseve winterseve
Are there any good books anyone suggests for learning different protocols? I'm new to types of kink. What is the difference between "at home" and "out" type protocols?
12/22/2011
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I feel like I should link the Pervocracy's post on getting into BDSM and getting out in the community.
I should bookmark that. I often have people writing in to me on Tumblr asking how to get started. Thanks, AndroAngel.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I feel like I should link the Pervocracy's post on getting into BDSM and getting out in the community.
Awesome, thanks! I'll have to read that post!
12/22/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by winterseve
Are there any good books anyone suggests for learning different protocols? I'm new to types of kink. What is the difference between "at home" and "out" type protocols?
"Protocols: A Variety of Views"
"Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave" and "Protocol Handbook for the Female Slave"
"SlaveCraft"

At home protocols are usually stricter then out type protocols. Like I don't dare call Master "Master" in public, and my service is muted. At home it's more obvious.
12/22/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Vanille
I should bookmark that. I often have people writing in to me on Tumblr asking how to get started. Thanks, AndroAngel.
No problem. I follow Holly's blog and it was that post that helped me find munches and meet people. It's actually a three post series, but that one's the "Primer" so to speak.

Holly's rules of kink etiquette:
"Also, three notes on kink etiquette:
1) Don't touch people or their toys, even casually, without asking.
2) Call people by the names and pronouns they give you, even if they seem hopelessly silly.
3) Do not act submissive or dominant to someone unless you have negotiated this with them. (And don't let anyone do this to you.) You're all just people and all equals until you specifically agree to act otherwise."
12/22/2011
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by winterseve
Are there any good books anyone suggests for learning different protocols? I'm new to types of kink. What is the difference between "at home" and "out" type protocols?
IMO,

'At Home' would be the protocols one follows within their private space

'Out' would be in public, like I wouldn't call Master 'Master' in public (unless I was absolutely told to do so) I would call her either by her given name or a nickname.
12/22/2011
Contributor: winterseve winterseve
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
"Protocols: A Variety of Views"
"Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave" and "Protocol Handbook for the Female Slave"
"SlaveCraft"

At home protocols are usually stricter then out type protocols. ... more
Thanks Luna! I'll be getting these asap.
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Yes there is a stricter protocol at these meetings.

Dress code is business casual or higher. All submissives are to address Dominants with titles. Personal "at home" protocols are encouraged (it's in a private club so no issue ... more
I would feel so weird in an atmosphere like that, but at the same time I would love it. I'm so used to having to "act normal" (whatever that means) around people we know. I'd be scared I'd forget where I was and make a fool of myself!
12/22/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I feel like I should link the Pervocracy's post on getting into BDSM and getting out in the community.
Thanks! Bookmarked!
12/22/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
No problem. I follow Holly's blog and it was that post that helped me find munches and meet people. It's actually a three post series, but that one's the "Primer" so to speak.

Holly's rules of kink etiquette: ... more
I've noticed that, at least online, sometimes people aren't forthcoming with pronouns and such. I'm always embarrassed asking "What should I call you?" as if not just knowing is bad somehow. Have any of you found a polite/respectful/what ever way to find these things out without looking/feeling like an idiot? Or am I the only weirdo?
12/22/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
I've noticed that, at least online, sometimes people aren't forthcoming with pronouns and such. I'm always embarrassed asking "What should I call you?" as if not just knowing is bad somehow. Have any of you found a ... more
You are the only weirdo

No really the best thing to do is to ask someone how they wish to be addressed.

"Excuse me Sir/Ma'am, how would you prefer I address you?"
12/22/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
I've noticed that, at least online, sometimes people aren't forthcoming with pronouns and such. I'm always embarrassed asking "What should I call you?" as if not just knowing is bad somehow. Have any of you found a ... more
I usually ask "How do you identify." Or "What are your pronouns?" it helps that I can say "I prefer male or neutral pronouns, what about you?"
12/22/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Oh man, I got sucked into having to call tech support. I'm all caught up now, and learning a lot!
12/22/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
I've noticed that, at least online, sometimes people aren't forthcoming with pronouns and such. I'm always embarrassed asking "What should I call you?" as if not just knowing is bad somehow. Have any of you found a ... more
I don't really worry about it until it becomes a necessity - if a relationship seems to be brewing or what have you. I'm not big on using titles or what have you for anyone I haven't submitted to but will if necessary. It's just not something I feel is necessary for me, I guess, if that makes sense.
12/22/2011