I'm so sorry to hear your Owner is no longer in the picture. This can be very difficult for some. I have never gone through this personally, but a friend of mine is. The first thing she did was put (maybe even throw?) His collar away and have a brand-new one made for herself that was all hers. This seemed to cheer her up and help her get out of His hold a little quicker. All I can say is, if you catch yourself doing something that's more your Owner's idea than your own, stop yourself, make a mental note, and continue on with something, knowing you can return to this at a later time or date on your own schedule.


I hope this helps and I wish you much luck on the journey ahead. You have lots of friend here at Eden, and you can always keep turning to us. less

Shame on your Dom for not helping you transition! I'm so sorry you are facing this alone. MeliPixie gave some great advice but I'll add that sometimes a journal can help to sort out your desires from his and refocus you. Be doubly aware that you may be sending out wounded signals that are attractive to predators that masquerade as ethical Tops. Take some time to figure out what YOU want for a change before looking for another person to Top you.
If you need to talk this is a great place to do it.
~Airen less

I'm just wondering what those of you that have been owned do to get out of that cycle? (Your rules, routines, etc.) I've heard of many people talking of the Owner taking the time to deprogram their submissive, that is most definitely not happening here. I'm doing not too badly, it just has me curious how others have dealt with this. less

Shame on your Dom for not helping you transition! I'm so sorry you are facing this alone. MeliPixie gave some great advice but I'll add that sometimes a journal can help to sort out your desires from his and refocus you. Be doubly aware that you may be sending out wounded signals that are attractive to predators that masquerade as ethical Tops. Take some time to figure out what YOU want for a change before looking for another person to Top you.
If you need to talk this is a great place to do it.
~Airen less

Oh I'm not going to be looking for a while. This was a 5 year close friendship, 2 year relationship that just...exploded. I need some time. I've had other doms, but not one that dug around in my head, got this deep, made me feel as good as I did with him.. it's monumentally harder to resort after this deep of a relationship ends. I'm honestly not even sure I've digested it yet. less

Everything that Airen said!

I'm sorry you were left in the lurch.

I'm in a semi- D/s relationship, but have maintained enough control of myself to get myself in order, should anything happen.... I think. I think the grief of losing him in any way would overwhelm everything else, though.

My closest friend's husband and Dom died a little over a year ago, and she found getting involved in NON sexual, non direct hierarchical activities the best way to deal with it. Obviously, she's hurting terribly, as he was the love of her life. But, she's involved in her town politics and some volunteer activities as well as her job, so she's coping.

I agree that getting yourself in order and taking care of YOU for a change is a good thing to do before looking for an other Dom. You're vulnerable right now, and as Airen said, some less than good people could sense that. Take care of YOU!

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I'm sorry things happened like that, that must be extremely hard for you. Time and taking care of yourself are helpful in letting go of the hurt. Don't replay things in your mind, it strengthens those thoughts and just make you more upset. Best of luck less