I just simply adore your outlook on love and while polyamory isn't something I'm capable of handling at this point in time, I can see where it has definitely made a significant impact on your life. As you said before, you have one partner to remind you that you're still human and an adult person with needs when you focus too much on the kids and not enough on yourself or the relationship.

I think we've done several injustices to the world of child-rearing in the past 100 years. The first is that in order to right the wrongs we felt parents did to their grandparents and parents, people decided to spoil their children by letting them make decisions for themselves that they have no business making. Don't get me wrong, children should be free to express themselves and have their opinions noted and even implemented at some point, but to have full-tilt control - that's just as bad as having a "children should be seen and not heard" attitude.

So, we've created this world where people feel that children need immediate gratification in order to control them and make sure they don't step out of line. That just perpetuates the problem and of course putting children before your spouse is a great source of contention in marriages. When you're the center of someone's world and all of a sudden you have to share, it's jarring. I think it's a little more jarring for men to be neglected when the baby comes because they of course realize they're pregnant, but it's not the same reality as being pregnant.

Anyway...I'm getting of topic. But, it's these things and many more that have led to this mentality that mothers aren't allowed to be sexy, lustful, deviant woman once they have a child. It's either a notion they pick up from their upbringing, something they've seen in the media, or something they impose on themselves. It's terrible. And it's also part of the reason I made my decision not to have children.

I didn't want to share my husband with children, nor did he want to share me with children. He didn't want me so exhausted at the end of the day that I was incapable of caring for our needs as a couple and his individual needs. It's a conversation we've had many, many times.

I just want every woman to know that orgasms and masturbation aren't something that is restricted to the male populace of this world. You, too can have a quickie with a vibrator in the bathroom or request a little extra attention in the bedroom. Just take a deep breath, relax, and let your imagination run wild. If you're too embarrassed to say it out loud, send it in a text message or write it down on a slip of paper. Just get it out there!

Funny how that works. I can't have a serious sexual conversation with any of my guy friends.

i don't talk about this stuff offline, except with my gf. it seems too private for anyone except those involved.

Well said.

Thank you. Now if only I could get my wife to listen....

I know, it is easier said than done! Everyone demands your time; it is easy to lose yourself in the chaos of daily life.

Yeah, I wonder if it's something that people in the woman's life can help with - demand that she takes time for herself. Once again, easier said than done.

I don't have kids but when I see that my husband is wanting attention or needing something from me I try my best to drop what I'm doing and tend to him. Sometimes that lands me in hot water in other areas, but who is going to be there holding my hand when I'm on my last breath - him or the bill collectors?

I like to recommend things to friends. That is if they are open to this topic.

I think family and loved ones can help to a point by supporting healthy 'me time' for the women in their lives. In the end it is up to the individual to take control of their life, however. Nobody can do it for them. We're all taught from birth that we shouldn't be selfish; that it is better to put others ahead of ourselves. Societal expectations weigh on women especially, and it is human nature to tend to needs of loved ones first. Over time, I can see how a lady could fall into the pattern without being conscious of it at all. So yes, indeed easier said than done.

Of course, there are times when placing our loved ones' interests above our own is absolutely the right thing. I think the world would be a very bad place without that particular human trait. Like all things in life, balance is key.

In the world that humans have created for themselves there is no such thing as balance between "me-time" & "their-time". We've created a world that operates on the demands of instant gratification. Got a question? Google it! Got a craving for really crappy foot at 2 AM - throw a rock and hit any number of fast food joints open late. Need it tomorrow? Next day air shipping! Have to talk to you right this VERY moment - text message!

Most people are either coming or going, there's very little standing still these days. I don't know if it's a cause and effect kind of thing or if it's just the nature of the beast or what...but it kind of makes you wonder what our priorities are in life. You know?

As a woman in my early 20's, it's easy to say that I'll always put myself first, but the truth is, it's impossible to know exactly who I will be 10/20/30 years from now.

There's a saying in my native language: "If there are three people walking down the road, one of them must be my teacher." Most people have good reasons for doing the things that they do, and they all have costs and benefits that you can learn from. There are clearly many women who do put themselves on the back-burner, and they have good reasons for doing so. I think it's okay to make sacrifices for your family or friends, but those choices should always be made consciously and with an understanding of what you're giving up each time you set aside your own satisfaction for someone else's.

That's my perspective.