The New Intimacy

ADVANCED poll, and question...pushing envelope even for this site, I think. Not sure which category to post in even..Oral? Anal?....

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Okay, even among the amazingly open, free thinking, intelligent and well read, thoughtful members of this "community", I think this is a discussion that pushes the envelope where
I bet a number of folks lose their comfort level. Our intent is NOT to insult or make anyone uncomfortable with this topic, so accept our apology if this seems a bit over the top, but this is a
serious discussion question.

Let me start by saying we have two other couples, all long time married, monogamous and happy as far as we can tell. We all speak VERY openly and honest about everything, including sex. This
topic came up, of all things, over a great Pot Luck BBQ last weekend. Now I have to ask the larger EdenFantasy community their opinion on the subject.

Let's start with some facts. All of our six "friends" watch porn with their spouse. Two of our couples do regularly as part of their "background" when having relations. We ALL have noticed that
the new "push the envelope" activity making it's way more mainstream is "ATM" (ass to mouth, for those to whom I have to spell it out...sorry). Usually penis, toy or occasionally a finger. This even
showed up in one of the "female made and directed" girl solo masturbation DVD's recently. More over, one of our group said they listened to some "College Sex Advice" show on radio and one caller...a girl, talked about
ATM as the new "dirty girl dare, bar setting activity" at SPRING BREAK!!!! That is now the "how dirty do you want to go" activity. The only rival, according to the caller...no kidding..was "double anal" and apparently
it is now the college "thing to TRY", again on a dare, for college girls!!! If true, my how things change in just a few years...when drinking a shot from a belly button, and flashing a tit was the big DARE item!

Of our three couples, we all went "EEEWWWW"..."we could NEVER go THERE". However, the more we talked, we wondered....."WHY could we never go there"?
The fact is, all three of our couples engage in analingus (rimming) with their partners. All three couples have done 69 with kissing, licking and tongue probing of their partners anus, and all agree they
enjoy giving and receiving this activity. None has ever had any "yukky" accidents. All make sure they wash first and no one in our group has ever used an enema for this (or anal sex in general).

For two couples in our group it is occasional, for one couple it is a very regular part of oral sex and almost weekly.

One woman in our group does use "cherry flavored and scented gel lube" prior to such activity, but that is about it.

SO...we got to wondering...SINCE we all "go to the point of probing our partners tushies with our tongues, what is the huge leap, we ALL cannot take to any ATM activity"???? Intellectually, it seems
very MINOR a jump. However, emotionally, and mentally, it seems like a universe of difference...and that is with THREE very "open with their partners" couples.

Anyone else find themselves in this same quandary?

I know this is a STRANGE question..even here at the Forum, but all six of us are really curious if anyone else has thought about this one...and how they do or don't feel or act on the idea.

SO...if you are an advanced love maker, please offer your input. THANKS for being such great sports about all this.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Will do Rimming, but not ATM
51
Will do Rimming and thinking about ATM
2
Will do Rimming and ATM..What is the big difference?
48
Won't go either place.
78
Total votes: 179 (179 voters)
Poll is closed
06/02/2011
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Contributor: Brianna91 Brianna91
I think you have to really like anal sex and cum for this to be on your radar. From what I have seen here at the forum I'm the one and only poster who is open about enjoying ATM. That surprises me since I do know other people my age who are pretty open about doing it or wanting to do it. There is another atm thread somewhere around here and the entire thing is filled with nothing but negativity and warnings about it being messy, and health scares, so don't expect anything different in this thread, if it doesn't just disappear without many people even voting or posting at all. Either way that's probably what will happen! Lol

Maybe its just an age thing since I think many posters here are quite a bit older than me. The porn influence is there too I suppose, but that covers alot of things besides just anal sex. My first time doing anal I even did atm. It just felt like the right thing to do when I could tell he was going to go off. Very sexy!!! Like the two go hand in hand sometimes since the whole naughty factor is so powerful with anal sex. Guys usually have super intense orgasms too once they know the girl they're doing in butt wants him to come in her mouth. I will say this, I've never taken in a guy in my mouth during anal sex and I could see that he was dirty. Yes there usually is a slick coating of lube and sex, but no not poop. If there was I wouldn't suck him you know. Maybe it is in the timing but in the heat of the moment I don't think many people are being guided by logic and reason.
06/02/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
Other... I am ok with the idea of trying ATM, but rimming just doesn't sound remotely interesting/arousing to me. Something about the direct contact or the fact that receiving the same techniques during "vanilla oral" doesn't do it for me...

I think ATM could be hot the in the same way as watersports, as a kind of degrading domination. I just want to do more research about the possibility of getting ill from it, though.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
I am interested in both. It doesn't matter to me, I suppose. But that could be because I'm disgusting.

I do not feel like it's a big leap, honestly. But that's just my feeling on it, you know? Everyone's got their preferences.
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
We've done it, it's not my thing, but I don't find it disgusting, per se, it's just not an activity that I enjoy. I think there are too many people who have societal taboos imposed on them. What I think is more intriguing about your post is how it started with everyone saying "EW" and then going, "Well.... we kinda do that.... ummmmm....." I don't really think that there's much that's taboo in sex.

Also, my answer isn't there... I don't see the big deal, but I don't do either, because I simply don't enjoy it.
06/02/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
We have done both, I guess when it happens it's not something that we think about beforehand. Before anal of anykind we always shower first so as to be clean (without using an enema or douche). I agree with BBW, too many people are stuck on societys views of what is taboo. If something feels right for you, then go for it. You will know soon enough if you like it or not. He enjoys it more than I do but I love to please him, therefore its my choice to do it. Yes there is a possibility of getting rotovirus or such but there is that possibility every time that you use a public bathroom or flush your toilet too close to your toothbrush.

I say if it is something that you want to try then do it. Why not?
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
We have done both, I guess when it happens it's not something that we think about beforehand. Before anal of anykind we always shower first so as to be clean (without using an enema or douche). I agree with BBW, too many people are stuck on ... more
and with that, we always plan and prepare for anal play. Mr will let me know that he's craving it (if he's not in the mood for it, it's not fun for him) and part of the whole evening will be the preparation. (Which can be quite erotic as it's usually part of a BDSM scene for us)
06/02/2011
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
My SO and I enjoy rimming on a regular basis, her doing me far more frequently than me doing her. We have done ATM once or twice and it was something that just happened as a natural extension of our playing. We are both very clean, though do not do enemas before anal activity. We have talked about this recently and have come to the conclusion, during some of our sessions, she likes to be taken to the zone where she will do most anything and gets completely submissive. When this happens again in the future, we could engage in ATM again, but it will not become a regular thing for us.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Okay, even among the amazingly open, free thinking, intelligent and well read, thoughtful members of this "community", I think this is a discussion that pushes the envelope where
I bet a number of folks lose their comfort level. Our ... more
i've done rimming once, but i almost threw up. i don't think i could ever do ass to mouth simply because of the all the bacteria involved
06/02/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
This really isn't that advanced for this community. Thank you for thinking about our sensibilities. It's been brought up in several porn club discussions and various other threads across the forum.

Have you noticed the warnings right before the dvd starts? "The practices/acts depicted are not realistic and could be medically harmful."
06/02/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I've been rimming my wife for a long time - but oddly I will not let her do it to me.

We don't have anal sex - but even if we did, ATM is not something we would do.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Brianna91 Brianna91
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
We have done both, I guess when it happens it's not something that we think about beforehand. Before anal of anykind we always shower first so as to be clean (without using an enema or douche). I agree with BBW, too many people are stuck on ... more
I know! isn't it funny how selective people are when it comes to which potential dangers and warnings they choose to pay attention to or ignore. The potential for danger in getting behind the wheel of your car and driving a few miles is likely much greater than the risk taken in any sort of atm sex, but because of how people are conditioned to think about things you'd probably have this enormous amount of people who would be all nasty and snotty over the situation that involves much less risk. And that tells you its not really just aboutn safety, it is about social taboo. Which is what makes certain activities so fun to begin with!
06/02/2011
Contributor: CuteDee CuteDee
I will never lick my bf's bum but Ive had bfs in the past that liked doing that to me. I enjoyed it but on a super dirty naughty, not every day, level.

I have let my current bf, cum in my mouth after his cock has been in my bum so I guess Ive done some ATM. I do always shower and take a waterproof toy w/me to make sure my bum is super, super clean before we have sex.
06/02/2011
Contributor: NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
I'm not sure how I feel about rimming or ATM mostly due to bacteria. Although I am now an education major, my boyfriend and I were both medical majors our first two years of college and the amount of bacteria in the GI tract which does not need to be ingested is just a little too overwhelming for me. Yes, I have fantasised about this in a slightly kink way, but no ATM is not something I'm really willing to venture into.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by NarcissisticLust
I'm not sure how I feel about rimming or ATM mostly due to bacteria. Although I am now an education major, my boyfriend and I were both medical majors our first two years of college and the amount of bacteria in the GI tract which does not need ... more
There's a reverse of this - using saliva as lube for anal sex is also frowned upon. Bacteria in your mouth does not belong in your anus and vice versa.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I'm confused, by what ATM represents.

I mean, if you go from anal sex, take off the condom wipe the penis off a bit to remove a bit of the latex smell and then suck the penis...thats great.

But if it means anal without a condom on someone who didn't get an enema and upon retrieval of the shaft immediately inserting it into the mouth...WTF that is F'N gross.

My way of seeing it depends on what ATM entails, it isn't really clear enough for me.
06/02/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
I don't rim my bf he does do it to me on occasion and we do kiss afterwards so does that even count? Have I ever sucked him off after hes been in my ass no and I don't think I would but you never know. Its all relative and to many variables to consider what trues ATM is and what context you think falls into that category. I think this way if your being safe and everyone involved is a consensual adult do what you like/enjoy/makes you happy.
06/02/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
There is a "bacterial transfer difference amount" between rimming a really clean ass which has not has anything IN it since washing to "bring down" GI bacterial, and ATM either fingers or toys or a penis.

The outer area of the anus, if recently cleaned, will have little bacteria on it. However, if a toy or finger or penis are placed into the anus, it will most likely come in contact with GI bacteria at it's source, such as E. Coli, Listeria, Hepatitis, certain types of parasites etc.

I know some people don't want to hear about the germs, My Man and I play around with rimming (and funny enough, he does it to me, but won't let me do it to him, similarly to Gun) and we also have anal sex and anal play (on me, not him) but I am still aware of issues that could occur due to GI bacteria. Some of these problems are self limiting, like a mild tummy bug, some are more serious. I'm not going to say ATM has never happened, but it was never planned. "OMG, I'm giving him head and he just...." kinda thing, which has happened once or twice, when I was in the Twilight Zone from the anal sex to start out with. (Once I had his knuckle near my mouth the entire time, I though it was the very tip of his penis and couldn't figure out why nothing came out when he came. Duh. I was not fully aware of what was going on at that point, however.) We wouldn't plan doing it, and he actually did get sick from a poorly timed rim job once, so it is a good idea to be forewarned. One can get sick from ATM, but won't necessarily every time.

I don't quite understand the need to "push the envelope" just to prove something to someone else, though. What you do while having sex should be what you and your partner enjoy, and of course trying new things from time to time. I don't see the point of "envelope pushing" just so one can tell somebody about it exclusively. If it happens, it happens, but I do try to avoid ATM.
06/02/2011
Contributor: ToyBoy ToyBoy
Rimming is fine if everything has been cleaned thoroughly, but ATM isn't on my list of things to try.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
I only do rimming with a dental dam.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Brianna91
I think you have to really like anal sex and cum for this to be on your radar. From what I have seen here at the forum I'm the one and only poster who is open about enjoying ATM. That surprises me since I do know other people my age who are ... more
Thank you for your thoughtful posting. You may be very amused to know that our little group discussed your letter over a nice, after work dinner, in a quiet corner of a Ruth's Chris Steak House. Nice place...amazing conversations..ha, ha.

Anyway, we all range in age from late 30 (really about 40), to mid fifty. You mention being "younger" in your post...but give no indication what age range you fall in. We are all curious. WE do agree that while all of us are either "into" anal sex or "enjoy it occasionally" at worst, NONE of us...not in years and years of doing this, has had a body part or toy emerge in any way with "fecal matter" viable, or even "dirty". The rectum, unless ready for a bowel movement,is almost always empty.

Your post has intrigued us to our own mental states of "where we draw the line". Even not doing this activity, we go "he puts his tongue in my little butt, I put my tongue in his. He puts his cock in my butt, I put my finger in his. I suck his cock and balls, but if the cock has been in my butt...that makes it "non suckable"?

Still a strange hesitation for all of us. The psychology of sex is an amazing thing.

THANKS for YOUR amazingly candid insight and input. It makes this site a unique and amazing resource for learning, and sharing.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by ss143
I don't rim my bf he does do it to me on occasion and we do kiss afterwards so does that even count? Have I ever sucked him off after hes been in my ass no and I don't think I would but you never know. Its all relative and to many variables ... more
I don't know. We always rim AND kiss. Never thought twice about it. NO smells, NO tastes (except CHERRY, apparently, for our one young dinner mate and her Cherry Lube..ha, ha), but is it really any different then sucking on another body part then the tongue that has "been there"? Guess not...the more we think about it.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by NarcissisticLust
I'm not sure how I feel about rimming or ATM mostly due to bacteria. Although I am now an education major, my boyfriend and I were both medical majors our first two years of college and the amount of bacteria in the GI tract which does not need ... more
I can say with some certainty that with over 50 years of total marriage and sex between our three couples...and many hours of "rimming" apparently, from all three couples (with each others partner, ONLY, as I explained...this is three open MONOGAMOUS couples, not a swingers group), no one of us has ever had any medical problem we can relate to ANY sex activity..including this. Not an STD between us, either. I won't go into details about our educations or backgrounds, but we do understand the bacterial issues well, and if you realize the alimentary tract (mouth to anus) is one continuous tube, and that if you are healthy, there should not be a lot in the way of pathogens in there. Yes, there are bacteria but it seems to be a minimal issue for most folks doing this, if I hear what folks are saying.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by CuteDee
I will never lick my bf's bum but Ive had bfs in the past that liked doing that to me. I enjoyed it but on a super dirty naughty, not every day, level.

I have let my current bf, cum in my mouth after his cock has been in my bum so I guess ... more
Well...that IS ATM. Thanks for your input too. Are YOU "younger" also, or of a "slightly older" generation??? Just curious now.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I've been rimming my wife for a long time - but oddly I will not let her do it to me.

We don't have anal sex - but even if we did, ATM is not something we would do.
Let her do it to you. Believe me, it is an intimate, amazing feeling and we BOTH enjoy it a LOT, as part of our oral play. What goes around should be good for both.
06/02/2011
Contributor: clp clp
You left out the opposite, like 'Will do ATM, won't do rimming.'

Of which I am a voter. I enjoy the attention but don't particularly want my tongue doing the same poking. I am willing to do ATM and have, however infrequently. I bear in mind the bacterial risks that P'Gell mentioned, but I do find it hot and as long as my partner is into it and I'm up to the task, why not? Its not like I'm walking into the situation unprepared.
06/02/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I don't have a problem with either of them.
06/02/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
ATM isn't something I'm interested in trying, at all. Rimming is something I LOVE, but ATM is just too much for me, it crosses the boundaries of what I consider gross or sanitary.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Devz Devz
aint rimming and atm kinda the same?
06/03/2011
Contributor: A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)
I'd do both, but I'm not sure if my partner would be comfortable about it.
06/03/2011