What age would you allow your kids to become sexually active?

What age would you allow your kids to become sexually active?

IslandGoddess IslandGoddess
The qustion says it all, this is a very sensitive subject for alot of people, So at what age do you think its okay for kids to start having sex? And would you talk openly with your kids about sex and what not, because for me personally my dad never ever spoke to me about sex. My mom did, but she just told me to take my time you know, use protection and be safe if I do choose to have sex but now that am 19 she knows that im sexually active and she knows im on birthcontrol so everything is all good. As for my dad he still lives is his sick little bubble thinking im gonna stay a virgin forever smh! So you think its better to be open and talk to your kids?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
15
1
16 (Some consider this an "OK" age to become sexually active)
5
17
3
18
4
As long as they over 18, its none of my business
14
I want my child to wait til marriage.
6
It Depends.
27
Total votes: 60 (50 voters)
Poll is closed
08/23/2011
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AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
I talk openly with my kids about sex and always answer questions in an age appropriate way. I don't think "allowing" your kids to have sex is the case as much as preparing them to make the right decisions about sex when they decide to start. I want them to be safe, smart and know sex is natural but comes with responsibility to themselves and their partners.
08/23/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
Luckily I won't ever have to worry about this. I don't think 'allow' is the right word - cause ya can't stop them unless you chain them up...lol.

If I had of had kids, I would have prefered they wait til they found someone they actually had true feelings for - not just sleep with the first person who was willing like most do.
I'd be open with them right from very young so they were never deceived about anything. I hate how parents lie to kids about all sorts of things.
08/23/2011
ss143 ss143
My mother always talked openly about sex with us as kids and I do the same with mine sex comes up and is talked around my 7 and 2 year old I feel that the best way for them to have the correct information and be properly safe they need to hear it from me and their dad.
As for the right age I agree with AngevMaynard's statement of "I don't think "allowing" your kids to have sex is the case as much as preparing them to make the right decisions about sex when they decide to start. I want them to be safe, smart and know sex is natural but comes with responsibility to themselves and their partners."
08/23/2011
babyrock babyrock
If it were up to me then 18, but teenagers don't respond well to rules. So I will just talk their ears off about sex ed so if they choose to, they know what they're getting into.
08/23/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I wouldn't want my child to have sex until they're 18 but that's unrealistic. Although I held off till that age, most ppl do it around 16 or younger.

As long as they are protecting themselves and they understand the risks then I would be ok with it.
08/23/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
you can't really tell someone what to do with their bodies because they're going to whatever they want, especially teenagers. the best you can do is arm them with knowledge and hope for the best
08/23/2011
BellaDonna2884 BellaDonna2884
I really think this depends on the child because every person develops at a slightly different pace and readiness for sex is often a maturity thing. I don't have any children but I think the most import thing is to educate children about risks. Not just STDs and pregnancy but also the emotional and mental stress that can be involved as well. My parents weren't very open with me and even now it's kind of an awkward subject. Looking back at my past decisions I think I would have been less likely to make some of the mistakes I made if I had been more aware and had a better understanding of sexuality.
08/23/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
I would rather they wait for marriage, but once they're 18 it's out of my hands.
08/24/2011
Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
I would rather they wait until they are eighteen and have wisened up enough to know what they are really doing when they engage in sex. I feel they would make better choices if they were older but all I can do is teach my potential children and be open and hope they really heard me.
08/24/2011
Ryuson Ryuson
It really depends on their maturity, and who they are as people. Personally if I had to pick an age I'd say 16.
08/24/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
The obvious answer is 'it depends'. My daughter matured much younger than my son - but we educated them both to wait until they were emotionally ready to deal with the complications that come from intimate relationships. Both have known nothing but the uber monogamous relationship between their mother and I - so they naturally equate sex with exclusive intimacy - as opposed to sexual experimenting.

In any case we did not 'allow' them to begin having sex - that was up to them and their partners. I'd say 17 for my daughter and 18 for my son - I could easily be off by a year.
08/24/2011
Istanbull Istanbull
They are going to be sexually active between 15 and 18, with or without you're consent.

The fact is they are the ones who will decide when they will start having sex and aside from putting chastity belts on them, there's nothing you can do to stop it. And in fact any effort on your part to stop it will only give them more reason to do it. The best thing you can do is make sure you taught them to be responsible about it and that they make the right decisions. The worst thing you can do is demonize sex and instill a belief that it's a bad thing or there's consequences for having it(i.e. you'll go to hell for not being married, it's a sin, you'll be a slut, We'll be mad at you)
08/24/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Allow isn't the right word really. I'm not going to say to a child of mine at any age "you have my permission to have sex now." Well, I might when they're 18 as more of a joke than anything else, but still. I know that some 15 year olds are capable of having responsible sex and I know that some 22 year olds aren't capable of having responsible sex. Just your age has nothing to do with it, in my opinion anyway. All I can do is try to raise my child to wait for somebody they care a lot about and hope they do.
08/24/2011
oldhippy oldhippy
The real question is when will I become aware that my child is sexually active. All three of mine were sexually active before I thought they were, but then again, I am the dad, and the Dad is always the last to know. I would have preferred they wait until 18, but that didn't happen. At least none of them had any problems, so that was a good thing. All you can really do is educate them, and pray for the best.
08/24/2011
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
There is really no way to allow or disallow a teenager to have sex without locking them in the house or making them don a chastity belt. My mother was dead set against me having sex as a teen (it was my partner, not the actual sex that bothered her) and I found plenty of ways anyway. If teenagers are going to do it, they're going to do it whether the parents 'allow' it or not.

What would I recommend if a child (that I don't plan on having) asked my recommendation? It would depend largely on the child and their emotional maturity level. I would do all I could to be sure they understood safety and the consequences associated with sex and hope I'd raised them to make the smartest decision possible for themselves based on their feelings, the feelings about the partner, and their comfort level with the situation.
08/24/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
As My Man and I have three children, all girls, we have dealt with this issue. As some have said, kids are going to do what they want to do. As a parent you do have control over what you teach them, talk to them about commitment and caring partners, and abusers. But, anyone who really thinks they have any control over when their kids have sex or with whom they have sex with is probably fooling themselves.

I was raised in a "If you do it before you're married you'll go to Hell." Household. I was getting laid by 16. I had the foresight to get myself birth control, I went to the library and looked in the encyclopedia about birth control and sex, because it wasn't something my parents were going to teach me (being Catholic, they thought BC was also a sin.)

You can prepare your kids, our kids were offered visits to Planned Parenthood, and went when they felt they were ready. One was barely 16 the other was close to 19. (Our baby is still too young to be interested in sex at only 11, but we have a running discussion about boys, girls and sex and birth control whenever it seems to be a teachable moment.)

We have some acquaintances who belong to the "Abstinence Only" sex ed idea. Most of them were grandparents before their kids were out of High School. My oldest daughter used to pass out condoms from PP at school. Some kids really think "It won't happen to me." (Pregnancy or STDs.) If only these teens parents were more open to the real world, they might not be grandparents so young, and their children and grandchildren would have much easier lives.

On our block, when our older girls were growing up, there were four other girls (from three families) the same age PLUS my daughters. NONE of the other parents talked to their girls about sex, and told them it was a "sin" to have pre-marital sex and no birth control info was offered. I kid you not every single girl on this block had babies in High School except OUR girls. You have to realize kids like to have sex, and the best you can do is to accept it and do all you can to educate them so they won't get pregnant or contract an STD.

Liking what they do or not isn't part of the issue. DOING something to keep your children from either becoming parents or having abortions or getting a disease is the best you can do. And you can only do that if you are open about sex and birth control with your kids.

Nuff said.
08/24/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
I would rather they wait for marriage, but once they're 18 it's out of my hands.
Actually, they are out of your hands the first day they go out of the house without your presence. All you can offer is support and education.

Most kids will have sex long before 18, one can pretend it won't happen (and be a grandma and grandpa in your 30s) or realize they probably will have sex, and assume that nothing you do will cause or dissuade what they want to do. All you can do is offer information on protecting themselves from date rape, how to say no, if they don't want sex yet, and let them know birth control is available, even if you have to go through all the methods one by one.

We have a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves on the coffee table, It sparks discussion and my girls are welcome to read it in the privacy of their rooms whenever they like. Likewise, they have Scarleteen.com for more information and I have even accompanied one of them to the store to buy Plan B when a condom broke. A tearful 17 year old showed up in my room in the middle of the night once. She cried, "Mama, what am I going to do? The condom broke!" I calmed her and we went to the all night Walgreens and got a packet of Plan B (Morning After Pill) she took it, thankfully, and got her period a week later. What if I had shown unsupportive behavior before this happened and she thought I was NOT a resource if she was in trouble, or would judge her? She would have possibly become a mother, or had to have an abortion, and would have missed out on finishing High School, Prom, University, and meeting the man of her dreams. (Not the boy who broke the condom, I'm happy to say.)

Parents can be there to support their kids (even if they don't "approve" because once they hit about 12, parental approval isn't all that important to them) and educate them. Of one may have a child who doesn't end up finishing her education, because she is raising a baby much too young. OR, if your kids are resourceful (like I was) you may never know what happens. My parents never did.
08/24/2011
married with children married with children
I would hope that my boys would wait until they were with their soul mates and were committed to each other. All I can do is teach them the difference between right and wrong. When they are out of the house, all I can do is hope that they have learned how to make decisions like an adult and live a safe, happy, healthy life.
08/25/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Actually, they are out of your hands the first day they go out of the house without your presence. All you can offer is support and education.

Most kids will have sex long before 18, one can pretend it won't happen (and be a grandma and ...
I disagree that they're out of my hands whenever they leave the house. As long as they live with my husband and I and we pay the bills, there are rules. I'm not a prude; I enjoy sex very much, but I believe sex is meant to be between a husband and wife. I'm not going to condone a sexual relationship for a 16 or 17 year old, who is far from emotionally ready to handle it.
08/25/2011
SexyStuff SexyStuff
I waited till marriage as part of our religious belief and I hope my kids will follow in those footsteps too.
08/25/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
In New York, the age of consent is seventeen, and that's fine with me. I would prefer they waited until they were twenty-one like I did, waiting makes it so much better I think. But if they're old enough for it not to be the law's business, I think they're old enough for it not to be mine, too.
08/25/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
I disagree that they're out of my hands whenever they leave the house. As long as they live with my husband and I and we pay the bills, there are rules. I'm not a prude; I enjoy sex very much, but I believe sex is meant to be between a ...
My parents shared your philosophy when I was a teen. I was a mature teenager whose parents said, even at 16 and 17, "you are far too young to have sex." Funny to hear it at that age because I was having sex at 14. My parents had NO clue. If they had been more open, I might have felt more comfortable going to them when I felt trapped by a relationship and I would have probably made more informed choices.

I was also sneaking out of my bedroom window everynight, rolling their car out of the driveway and driving it 20 miles to my boyfriend's house, yes, at 14. There were rules against all those things...even LAWS, and I did it anyway.

My mother is horrified sometimes when I talk about that stuff, 25 years later, and says, "How could I not have known?" I tell her, "If a teenager doesn't want you to know, you won't know!"
08/25/2011
GonetoLovehoney GonetoLovehoney
I chose 'it depends' as I will never have children, but it's fine if they're around 15/16 and use double protection (birth control and condoms).
11/19/2011
pirata pirata
I think it depends on your kid and what you have talked to them about, but 17 is pretty safe as a general number I think
08/16/2012
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by IslandGoddess
The qustion says it all, this is a very sensitive subject for alot of people, So at what age do you think its okay for kids to start having sex? And would you talk openly with your kids about sex and what not, because for me personally my dad never ...
40 or older...
08/16/2012
novanilla novanilla
Everybody is different and there is no one right age. Some people, like myself, felt ready as a teen. I don't regret doing it. Other people don't feel ready until they are 25. Both are okay. I would talk about sex with my kids frequently and let them know that there were condoms available in the house for them to take without asking, and that I would be happy to talk with them about contraceptives of other types or find them a doctor to talk to if that would be more comfortable for them. I want my kids to be safe, and I don't care if they are virgins if they are truly happy, healthy, and safe.
08/16/2012
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by IslandGoddess
The qustion says it all, this is a very sensitive subject for alot of people, So at what age do you think its okay for kids to start having sex? And would you talk openly with your kids about sex and what not, because for me personally my dad never ...
It Depends.
08/16/2012
damnbul12 damnbul12
As long as they over 18, its none of my business
08/16/2012
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 27