Almost caught brown-handed.

Almost caught brown-handed.

Istanbull Istanbull
Now I have one hell of a close call to share.

A little background.
The wife is preggers so she’s not having sex with me and not like we have sex much anyways, so I masturbate… a lot. But I only do it while she’s at work and the kid’s are napping. She knows about this and that I use a couple pocket pussies as she not only knows I’ve bought them, but I have forgotten them in the shower a couple times and was busted. But I own up to it with pride. (She don’t like it, she can start putting out more.) But I have a very well kept deep, dark, secret my whole life. As my username implies, I have always been bi-curious. And the huge lack of sex in our marriage has, over time, made me into “I’ll take any sex at all, as long as it’s sex” so I’m totally bi now and since I’m not going to cheat I have even more toys that she doesn’t know about… plugs and dildos. She knows I like anal, but has no idea I also like getting it as well. (She is 100% against it. Won’t do it, no way, no how… any surprise?) I also like giving head to one of my toys as well… but anyways, enough of that. You get the picture. Bottom line, there's no good that can come from her knowing my secret. She's far too much a prude to be cool with it and it would most likely start World War 4 in my life.

As any usual day the wife headed out for work except that morning she got me up early(I work nights) to watch our toddler. Shortly after she left, the kid shows signs of getting tired so I put the little one to bed for that well anticipated noon nap. And as soon as the door is shut and I no longer hear toddler chitter-chatter, I run to my secret stash and haul it to the bathroom. I lay all my toys out like an action movie arsenal on the bathroom sink. I start out with a butt plug, lube it up and slowly work it in. Grab my favorite oral dildo and turn on the shower water.

Just then I realize something that makes my heart stop. “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!!!!!!!!????????”

I was so hopped up on the anticipation of my impending sex romp that I forgot my wife said she was just going to the store, BEFORE WORK! She'll be home any frikin second.

I turned off the water and yanked the plug out of my ass faster than an old lady waxing her upper lip. I didn’t even care about the sharp sting I felt when I did it. It was a scramble to get dressed. I threw everything into an under-sized paper bag that happen to be sitting on the floor next to the sink, opened the bathroom door. Since my hiding place is elaborate to get in to I figured it a safer bet to just hide them in the basement. I was scrambling like Clark Griswold stashing holiday presents. “I’ll just set them here… NO IDIOT. If she comes down here she’ll see them for sure!.... ok, here. NO!, if she wants sheets she’ll stumble on them.” I finally just threw the over flowing bag of toys behind some shelving where I knew she would never go and started running back to the stairs so I could go wash my ass (which was still gaping and dripping lube) as well as clean up any evidence at the crime scene. Just as I got to the top of the stairs, she was walking in the door. (If I wasn’t already leaking, I still would have poo in my pants at that moment.) I had to do the best poker face in my entire life to keep from looking like I just finished doing something I wasn’t supposed to be. All I could think was “90 seconds, I was 90 seconds from running into that hall where the basement door is only to have her standing there watching me running with an overflowing bag of questionable toys dripping with lube and other not-so-amusing goo.

I had to go and sit down in the living room and poke at the laptop just to keep from showing any signs of guilt for half an hour. It seemed like an eternity combined with the extra worry that something might leak through my pants onto the chair. She finally left and I hit the shower. My nerves are still shot from it and Now I’m scared that if I go to bed, I may have a nightmare from it and start talking in my sleep(I’ve done it with jobs that stressed me out)
01/10/2012
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