Am I a cuck or not?

Contributor: Kappa Kappa
So... This starts few months ago. First of all, a bit of background story:

I am a man and I don't have a girlfriend/wife nor a crush. I have things for Milf porn and watch mostly only of it. Also read literotica and hentai. Used to masturbate like once per day but recently been doing more because of a... problem...

In most of the scenario featuring a Milf, the women will always cheat on her boyfriend/husband. Wether its on porn video or porn story or porn comic. Like 90% of those are cheating women. I usually ignore this part of the scenario but it does bothers me. Up until 3 months ago I was fine until I feel fed up by it.

Within this 3 months am starting to become more and more bothered by the "adultery" part. I am starting to wonder why am I "aroused" by the adultery?

Well I can't exactly call it aroused, recently I can't really enjoy porn as much as I did before. Its more like I am feeling "something" IN my dick when I watch/read adulterous women porn. I don't know what is that feeling, the closest example I can give is as if feeling my groin is being grapped roughly for a long time. Uncomfortable

But if I feel something there, that means am turned on right?

Now, this may be a bit cringy, but my "Heart" does not like it. Nor my mind apparently. You see, I am sure many men once ever wonder if they are gay, I did at least... And the way for me to find out if I am gay/Bi/Straight was by forcing myself to jerk off to 2 different gay porns!

I did traumatize myself from it but it does helps me realize I am not into gay.

I tried the same with this one. I wonder if I am a cuckold and force myself to jerk off to a cuckold porn video and stories. The "reaction" was actually more brutal than the reaction I have when I force myself to watch gay porn. My chest felt really heavy and my head starts to hurts, I feel like vomitting several times and angers just keep trying to crawl up to the surface. regardless to, say I quickly change the material.

The difference is, when forcing myself to jerk off to the Gay porn, I find it hard to maintain my erection. It was fine with the adulterous porn. And after forcing myself to jerk off to gay porn helps me to realize I am not into it. I am still not convinced if I am not into it after forcing myself to jerk off to the adulterous porn.

When I watch/read non adulterous porn, my dick feels liberated, when I watch/read adulterous porn it feels uncomfortable but also more intense.

I don't like adulterous porn but why is my body reacting to it? and is it really arousal I feel or what? It feels different than when watching/read non adulterous porn. But if I feel something in my dick, it must be arousal right?

I don't have a girlfriend/wife so I can exactly confirm but I don't think I want them to cheat on me but thats what my "Heart" and "Mind" want. What about my "Body"? I am aware that what body and feelings can react differently and therefore am very confused.

I actually got an OCD out of this and force myself to jerk off to porn I personally don't like several times. The reaction differs, sometimes I don't feel as bad as the first time I tried it. Sometimes, I do. I...I don't get it.

Well, not several times. More like 3-4 times but they are mostly horrible experience. This also makes me need to check out porn more than 7 times in a day sometimes. I just feel like I need to figure this out. And it always ends with me having more question.

Its like my arousal is triggered by adulterous women but I can't maintain it with adulterous women...Thats just weird. I sometimes even ask, when I am not feeling anything when I watch/read adulterous woman porn if its just me forcing myself to not feel anything. But I also asked if my OCD is the one influenting the "arousal" I feel when I watch/read those porn and not my actual feeling.

Its just weird, I don't understand anymore. How could I be sure I like it? How could I be sure I don't like it. Why am I even reacting to it if I don't like it.


TLDR: I don't like cheating wife/cuckold video and cannot get off from it but my body reacts to it more intense than normal porn. Am I just being in denial?

Help me sort my thoughts?.
12/03/2019
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Contributor: Croc Croc
Quote:
Originally posted by Kappa
So... This starts few months ago. First of all, a bit of background story:

I am a man and I don't have a girlfriend/wife nor a crush. I have things for Milf porn and watch mostly only of it. Also read literotica and hentai. Used to ... more
Hello Kappa

You are a bit too worried imho. I'm an ex-fapper myself, and I used hentai as well

1) 'groin ...grapping' - never experienced anything myself. Does it hurt? Do you like how uncomfortable it feels?
I would switch to some other kind of porn but that's me. Some people like urethral inserts, I don't
'But if I feel something in my dick, it must be arousal right?'
Not necessarily, maybe some form of ulcer or illness. I'd consult a dick doctor. 'Hey, I feel something hard there sometimes, take a look, will you?' And don't say anything about fap material

2) why do you force yoursel to wank to porn so much?
See, my buddy once asked me to join him in judo club. I never fought or wrestled, but he wanted to try it out, so we went together.
I stayed in judo for 2 years, then moved on to basketball and other things. If it hadn't been for that suggestion, I'd still be fapping in a corner.

3) Advice: cut down on your wanking. If you beat off only at weekends or once in 3 days, your body feels more intense pleasure.
I don't care about morals, but I decreased frequency back in the day to get off more)

4) I never had a thing for my mother. But one day I imagined my GF to be my mom during sex and finished sooner. So I kept doing it with her, fantasizing at the same time that she would call me 'son', like in some 'kaza' and 'oka-sama' hentai.
But maybe a month or two later I naturally stopped imagining. Not because I was worried, but because it felt the same as anything else

5) I often watched porn with black ladies. Once I even tried dating one, but when we got to the 1st base, I thought 'is that hair on her lip? f...k, no man, I'm not doing it'!
So since then I don't watch interracial

Conclusion:
Don't think too much about being gay, cuckold or mommy-fucker. If it feels good, do it.
Don't torture your body. If you get hard on something, equal that to eating a cake. One-several slices are fine, but one-several cakes in a row will do you no good, especailly when the 1st one makes you feel uncomfortable
12/08/2019
Contributor: HotCherryPie88 HotCherryPie88
I don't think you need to worry. How old are you Kappa? I think you really need some real-life female attention. I'm so sorry that you are so stressed out and feeling this way. It must be difficult dealing with it every day and I wish there was some way that I could help you. I am hetero and female and just dating different people but not dating anyone serious. If you ever would like to talk, I'm here to help. I'm sure we are not close enough to visit but I feel sure that all you need is just to find that right person to share your thoughts and your feelings with and you would be fine. You are fine.
12/09/2019
Contributor: Kappa Kappa
Quote:
Originally posted by Kappa
So... This starts few months ago. First of all, a bit of background story:

I am a man and I don't have a girlfriend/wife nor a crush. I have things for Milf porn and watch mostly only of it. Also read literotica and hentai. Used to ... more
I just want to know if I subconsciously a cuck or not. Is it even possible to be subconsioucly but not consciously?...
12/20/2019
Contributor: Croc Croc
Quote:
Originally posted by Kappa
I just want to know if I subconsciously a cuck or not. Is it even possible to be subconsioucly but not consciously?...
come on, you are just watching porn!
porn is fiction. Imagine

You learn your woman/wife cheats on you, what do you do? Not some actress paid and painted to look like a model, but the one you've spent so much time with, the one you confided in and shared tons of memories togehter.
A first reaction is to beat her or her lover. No 'cuckolding dirty language'. She starts ranting 'he's a better man, I've never...' and eats a fist.

If you are still pondering subconscious over conscious, buy yourself a urethral vibe, stick it inside and rub one out. Why? well some porn puts it in the spotlight, so it must feel great and your body, well, 'chest felt really heavy and my head starts to hurts, I feel like vomitting', but you've put it in your head that urethral play is your subconscious fetish, just because you've seen some porn about it )))
12/21/2019