Do you believe that the level of your, or a lover's, expertise can help or hinder the sexual experience?

The New Intimacy

Do you believe that the level of your, or a lover's, expertise can help or hinder the sexual experience?

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Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Related to: 
Are You (Sexually) Experienced?
On SexIs today, Rachel Kramer Bussel was discussing the pros and cons of being more sexually experienced. She speaks of being in the moment and it not feeling "rehearsed", as though one can be too good in bed, and miss the little things, the awkward and funny moments that make it real.

What do you think?
04/20/2011
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Contributor: Leila Eden Leila Eden
I totally agree with Rachel! It can be great to be more sexually experienced than your partner, but you have to be careful to not forget to be in the moment. Great article!
04/20/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
I think it's nice to have someone with about the same experience level as you, but that's just what I like. I was quite a bit more experienced than my current partner but we had a fun time figuring things out and I also learned an important lesson: not everyone likes the same things. So, in a sense, you have to start over with the awkward moments anyway because people's compatibility and preferences change from partner to partner. I don't think it would be nearly as much fun if we both knew what we were doing all the time.
04/20/2011
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Dusk
I think it's nice to have someone with about the same experience level as you, but that's just what I like. I was quite a bit more experienced than my current partner but we had a fun time figuring things out and I also learned an important ... more
This.







I had just a tad more experience than the wife and we had a great time learning about what makes us tick. My tab bit more helped for her to learn how to orgasm, so that part helped but other than that I would not change a thing.
04/20/2011
Contributor: markeagleone markeagleone
I think everyone has likes and dislikes. When I met my wife, I was what you could call experienced. It was a new ball game with her. I think it took some time to learn what made her and I together work the best for both of us. It was an even field.
04/20/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
As a young person (and even now) I was very curious. My early success wasn't based on experience - but on experimentation. Even today that sense of adventure keeps things interesting. We just tried pegging - it was a complete failure, but got a lot of laughs trying it out.
04/20/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
As a young person (and even now) I was very curious. My early success wasn't based on experience - but on experimentation. Even today that sense of adventure keeps things interesting. We just tried pegging - it was a complete failure, but got a ... more
Congrats for trying! I am sure it was not a complete failure. You learn a lot of things about what you like and what works and what definitely doesn't work when things go wrong. All those things will make it easier the next time.
04/20/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
Congrats for trying! I am sure it was not a complete failure. You learn a lot of things about what you like and what works and what definitely doesn't work when things go wrong. All those things will make it easier the next time.
Nope - not going to be a next time. She's OK with anal play - but not role-reversal or strap-on play - that's what I learned and I'm OK with it.
04/21/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I think it is easier to be with someone with about the same experience level as you. That way, you both can experiment together, learn about each other and yourself, and grow together. It has never been the case with me, but I could imagine the teacher might get tired of always doing the teaching, which could lead to resentment on both parties parts.
04/21/2011
Contributor: Lucidity Lucidity
I think it doesn't really matter the experience level of the people, as much as it does their willingness to learn. As others have said, everyone is different. I've been with some really experienced people that just get in there and go at it as if they are an expert on all women. They've gone at my body like it's a puzzle they have a tried and true formula for, it seems less authentic than say, having an open communication and taking verbal and emotional cues from your partner. I will take an eager learner over an experienced lover any day of the week! Being authentic and in the moment is worth more than all the "killer moves" and "smoothness" any day.
04/21/2011