RE: Cheating

RE: Cheating

Ansley Ansley
Do you feel you have an obligation to tell a friend/family member/aquaintance their spouse/significant other/partner is cheating on them? Do you have any specific criteria for when this is appropriate and when it is not?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
39  (53%)
No
13  (18%)
Other
21  (29%)
Total votes: 73
Poll is closed
06/06/2011
  • Save 80% on Selected Items. Limited Quantity
  • Sexy Treats For Her! Gorgeous Gift Set For $60
  • Spoil Him! Luxury Gift Set for Men For $60
  • The Complete Lovers Kit! Expert Couples Gift Set For $60
  • Backdoor Ecstasy! Opulent Anal Gift Set For $60
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Ansley Ansley
As a teenager, I tried to tell my sister her then fiance was cheating on her with her best friend. I ended up in what seemed like WWIII, with the three of them ambushing me in the parking lot of my apartments. He denied it, she said I was jealous and the best friend blew smoke up everyone's asses.

A short while later, said best friend and sister were no longer friends and she had befriended someone else. During this time, my sister did not speak to me for three years. She eventually came around but it took her husband cheating with her new best friend for it to happen. Since then, I'm in the camp of "keep your mouth shut, you won't be believed any way".
06/06/2011
Sir Sir
It depends on the situation.
06/06/2011
Anjulie Anjulie
I think it depends on the person and the situation. I would be more inclined to tell a family member or a very close friend than someone i didnt know as well. But i def know some people who i think would take it better than others.
06/06/2011
CAKES CAKES
I agree that it depends on the person and/or the situation. If it's someone that I'm really close to, then I would feel obligated to tell them.
06/06/2011
toxie m toxie m
Depends. If it was my best lady, I would absolutely tell her. For anyone else it would really depend on the situation. Generally I stay out of it.
06/06/2011
married with children married with children
i say yes. I know it will always end badly, but you need to take care of your family and friends. It will hurt them when you tell them, but I know they will hurt worse for them latter in the relationship.
06/07/2011
stlouisxxx stlouisxxx
It really depends on the situation. My best friend you bet, an acquaintance maybe. If my friends wouldn't have told me who knows how long I would have been in the dark with my ex-wife.
06/07/2011
REDRUM REDRUM
I would tell them. Even if they hated me afterwards. I feel that if they're significant other cheated and didn't tell them. Then the relationship has turned 'fake'. It's the only word I feel decribes it perfectly. She will go on believeing he has been faithful, and he will go on pretending he was.
Though, I don't like to get into things that aren't my business. I will probably only tell the ones that are close to me. (friends, family, etc.) I wouldn't also not tell them unless I knew for sure.

I have had an experience of informing a friend that her boyfriend was cheating. She was devistated, but... she seemed to go to the wrong person for comfort. The accused cheater. Obviously he denied it, and then I was the bad guy. Though, a week later he broke up with her for the girl he cheated on her with. After that she figured out that I was telling the truth.
06/07/2011
Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Do you feel you have an obligation to tell a friend/family member/aquaintance their spouse/significant other/partner is cheating on them? Do you have any specific criteria for when this is appropriate and when it is not?
I no longer tell anyone.

Every time, and I mean EVERY TIME I have ever told someone they either:

A. Didn't believe me and accuse me of trying to split them up.

B. Got equal treatement as the guilty person because I was hanging out with them. Guilt by association.

C. They confronted the person, fell for whatever excuse they had, forgave them and I was now the snitch who's now the enemy.

I've learned from the School of Hard Knocks that you pretend you don't know anything about it, keep your mouth shut and maintain that position and let the victim find out on their own because that's the only way you're going to walk away unharmed yourself.
06/07/2011
KrazyKandy KrazyKandy
I would have to tell them even if they never talk to me again
06/07/2011
NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
It's very situational, but I would say something.
06/07/2011
Pinkhare Pinkhare
I recently had something similar happen to me that happened to your sister . But my friend didnt say anything because she wasnt sure about what she saw .

So I say keep quite till you know for sure.
06/07/2011
indiglo indiglo
I've never been in this situation personally, but I do know that such a thing can go very badly. I would take it on a case by case basis, depending on the person and how I came to know about it.
06/07/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Do you feel you have an obligation to tell a friend/family member/aquaintance their spouse/significant other/partner is cheating on them? Do you have any specific criteria for when this is appropriate and when it is not?
It is never appropriate to tell someone their significant other is cheating. It is also dangerous for the bearer of bad news. Though it is harder to butt out it is the best answer.

On a funny note, my husband had a woman (neighbor) advise him that he should get a paternity test for 'his' son...He nodded his head and said that if I ever claimed that my son was his he would certainly insist on a paternity test since he has a vasectomy 13 years ago! My son is going on two...she just sputtered and walked away completely deflated, poor thing.
06/08/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
As a teenager, I tried to tell my sister her then fiance was cheating on her with her best friend. I ended up in what seemed like WWIII, with the three of them ambushing me in the parking lot of my apartments. He denied it, she said I was jealous and ...
I hate it when it ends up like that when you were just looking out for someone you care for. I, thankfully, never had to deal with that in my adult life. I think it depends on the person I care for because some of them I feel are more inclined to believe me/ take me seriously than others. And some I just know I can't do anything for and I'll be screwed either way. ("You're lying!" or "Why didn't you tell me?!") Ugh.

But I can't help myself and I know I would want to tell them. I can't pull my emotions out of it and I always think, "I love my friend and don't want them hurt. They deserve better than this shit." And I would very, very much want to be told. I would probably even be the person to say, at the beginning of a new relationship, "Hey, my friend, I know you would look out for me like I would you. So if something's going on that doesn't seem right, let me know. Even if I act a little crazy and say it can't be true, it's only because I wouldn't want to believe you. But I love you and I know you just want to ensure my happiness sooooo... just slap me, ok?"

Now, I know not everyone is like that (and some who think they are really aren't and are just lying to themselves) but that's really me. My friends were there before any significant other and they'll be there after if things go sour. I'm picky when it comes to my friends and see them just as close to me as blood family so we're all fiercely protective. I love it.
06/08/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is never appropriate to tell someone their significant other is cheating. It is also dangerous for the bearer of bad news. Though it is harder to butt out it is the best answer.

On a funny note, my husband had a woman (neighbor) advise him ...
Haha! That's pretty hilarious!
06/08/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It is never appropriate to tell someone their significant other is cheating. It is also dangerous for the bearer of bad news. Though it is harder to butt out it is the best answer.

On a funny note, my husband had a woman (neighbor) advise him ...
I made this post because on a different forum a bunch of people were all GET INVOLVED, GET INVOLVED and I desperately wished they were standing in front of me so I could smack them around with a yard stick.

It's amazing the differences in responses here versus there and I'm willing to hedge bets that it's because quite a few of us have been cheated on and experienced all of the fallout first hand. We're less likely to toss someone into the middle of it just because we think they should know.

It is hard to butt out but I would be very sore with the person who told me because I will always be willing to work things out and change the things that need to be changed.

We've developed such a half-hearted approach to relationships, society as a whole that is. Oh his socks don't match? Dump him. Oh he doesn't do this this this or this, dump him. Oh he cheated on you? RUN LIKE THE WIND. Instead of trying to figure out why he cheated and how to fix the relationship. It's no wonder people feel so worthless these days. Our employers, spouses and significant others are expected to toss us to the wayside the minute something goes wrong.
06/09/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I hate it when it ends up like that when you were just looking out for someone you care for. I, thankfully, never had to deal with that in my adult life. I think it depends on the person I care for because some of them I feel are more inclined to ...
Oh I agree, when it comes to close interpersonal friendships like that I would be itching to drop hints left and right.

I usually run into this kind of stuff with immature interlopers. They just have to be the bearer of bad news, ya know? I think it's disgusting and advantageous on their part.
06/09/2011
Ajax Ajax
Depends on the person and the situation.

I told a girlfriend in high school once, but I didn't just tell her, I found out where her boyfriend and our friend were hanging out that day and I SHOWED her. She was a little angry with me at first, but she got over it quick.
06/09/2011
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
You can tell some people that their partner is cheating on them, or that they will cheat on them again if they broke up/got back together after him/her cheating, but they won't believe it until they experience it themselves most of the time. I'd honestly wait until your friend/family member came to you and voiced his/her concern about the situation before volunteering information. I know I'm stubborn and don't want to believe what others told me in that regard in the past and I had to experience it for myself.
06/09/2011
meganthomas meganthomas
Ugh, hard question. It would probably sit too hard on my conscience if I didn't say anything...
06/09/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I made this post because on a different forum a bunch of people were all GET INVOLVED, GET INVOLVED and I desperately wished they were standing in front of me so I could smack them around with a yard stick.

It's amazing the differences in ...
The thing is the person telling the tale isn't doing it because they care about the person being cheated on no matter how they justify it inside, they are doing it to serve some selfish need in themselves. It ISN'T your business no matter how much you care for the person being cheated on. You will NOT be thanked and you are not the hero if you tell someone thier partner is cheating.
06/09/2011
ichigostrawberry ichigostrawberry
It really depends. A lot of the time they might not believe it.
06/09/2011
CuteDee CuteDee
Knowing that someone is cheating, would make me feel really uncomfortable. I wouldnt want to know... and would encourage that person to come clean and move on. If it was a family member, yes, I would tell but if it was a friend, I would give advice but not want to be involved.
06/09/2011
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
It depends. I generally mind my own business. I would probably have a good chat with the cheating party, and if that didn't work, maybe conspire to get them caught.
06/09/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
It really depends. There are some situations that you don't meddle in, especially because sometimes it backfires and the person displaces their anger at the cheating party on to you. Some people prefer to live in denial of what they already suspect their partner is doing. If it were someone that I knew for a fact would want to know? Yes, I would let them know. If I wasn't sure? Mind my business.
06/09/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Do you feel you have an obligation to tell a friend/family member/aquaintance their spouse/significant other/partner is cheating on them? Do you have any specific criteria for when this is appropriate and when it is not?
REALLY depends on circumstance, individuals involved and situation. Often we DON'T really know the full story and even may THINK they are cheating and are not. Would be horrible to put one's nose where it did NOT belong. Coworker once told her GF that her hubby was spotted around town meeting a cute woman and thus "cheating". Created a VERY ugly scene. Turns out the guy WAS meeting that "lady" around town. She was a real estate agent helping him find a beach house he was surprising his wife with, for their 30th anniversary. Unless you know ALL the facts, butting in may NOT be a good idea.
06/09/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Oh I agree, when it comes to close interpersonal friendships like that I would be itching to drop hints left and right.

I usually run into this kind of stuff with immature interlopers. They just have to be the bearer of bad news, ya know? I ...
Yeah and I hate those nosey, busy-bodies who want nothing more than to be involved in drama! That's the only reason they "care". 'Ugh' to them too.

If I were to ever inform a friend of their S.O.'s infidelity, it would only be out of deep love and concern. If I feel any less for a person, I would really not want to get involved in it. But it's only because I know some people would blame me and I wouldn't have helped the situation any.
06/09/2011
zeebot zeebot
Generally I wouldn't, it's their relationship, their business, not mine. I'd probably say something for a really close friend, but it would definitely depend on the situation.
06/09/2011
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 35
Unique posters: 29