The New Intimacy

Sex Frustration because I'm a woman, help!

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Contributor: StephieBoo02 StephieBoo02
Hi all, some background info, I've been with my bf for 3 years. I just recently bought some toys from here and they've been amazing. One is a dildo vibrator that has a penis and the bunny ears and the other is just a clit bullet.

I'm frustrated because in order for me to get off and O, I need a lot of clit stimulation. For the first time I experienced what it feels like to have an O with one of my toys. Since I knew what it felt like my bf tried to use his fingers and play with my clit and I couldn't get off, it felt good and I moaned but I couldn't get off and his hands were getting tired so I was frustrated. He was frustrated that I couldn't get off from him and I tried getting him to use the toys to get me off and he didn't feel comfortable doing that because one of the toys looks like a penis and he said that is just uncomfortable to him and he wasn't really comfortable using the other one either.

I'm frustrated also that men can get off so easily but I can't get off by just intercourse, it seems like I need a toy to get off and I don't know how to make him comfortable with it or make him comfortable with using one to get me off. It feels very unfair that he can get off every time we have sex but I can't and need a toy in order to get off. I don't know what to do but I'm sexually frustrated from this.
02/16/2011
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Contributor: TeaganChase TeaganChase
Aww honey I fully understand. It is a very frustrating situation. And it often times is said to be unfair that men can always and women can't. I used to be the same way though. I'd never get off during sex. For YEARS I mean. I still have trouble sometimes.
Im curious to ask if you can get yourself off alone with using your own fingers? If you can then you just need to tell and teach your bf what you do to yourself. How you do it, the way you touch yourself. It may not work the first time and takes practice but it will work. Maybe a few times just masturbate in front of him so he can see what you do and when.
Also your mindset and his matters. It's understandable to get frustrated but you both have to relax. No pressure. It's a mental thing for women to orgasm. If you're worried about laundry then you're never going to.
Also talk to him more about your toys. What exactly is his problem with them? What does he not like? What does he like? Is there another toy he may be comfortable using instead?
I know it can be intimidating and for some men emasculating to have to use a toy instead. He thinks he's not good enough, doesn't turn you on, you don't love him, etc. All sorts of things run through their head. So it may not me the actual toy he doesn't like, but the idea of it. Maybe when using one say things to him to talk him up. "I love when you move it like this, or use it like that." Talk through that and in the mean time train you and him to work with your body.
For me personally though I can only cum during sex from one position. Like the American Pie song I only cum when i'm on top. Because I also need a lot of clit stimulation. Riding him and grinding is the only way I ever have been able to. He just lays there knowing i'm doing my own thing. It's never makes him cum but he likes knowing i'm "using" him to get off still. And once I do then I focus on what feels best for him.
02/16/2011
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by StephieBoo02
Hi all, some background info, I've been with my bf for 3 years. I just recently bought some toys from here and they've been amazing. One is a dildo vibrator that has a penis and the bunny ears and the other is just a clit bullet. ... more
You are so not alone on this. There are many women who can't get off without the use of a vibe. And even more who cannot have an orgasm through intercourse alone.

One very famous example of this is Nina Hartley... iconic porn star... who freely admits the only thing that gets her off is the Hitachi Magic Wand.

I'd say your boyfriend is going to have to decide if he cares more about giving his girlfriend pleasure or being intimidated by something so insignificant as a clit bullet. He needs to understand that often women are built in such a way that getting to orgasm requires additional assistance. It has nothing to do with his skills or you having any emotional issues.

Maybe bring him here and show him some of the reviews from couples who use toys together (or even some of the videos)...show him that many couples consider playing with new toys an adventure and enjoy trying new things together.
02/16/2011
Contributor: StephieBoo02 StephieBoo02
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
You are so not alone on this. There are many women who can't get off without the use of a vibe. And even more who cannot have an orgasm through intercourse alone.

One very famous example of this is Nina Hartley... iconic porn star... who ... more
Thanks all that helps. Like I said only the toys seem to get me off I've tried playing with myself and having him play with me. I think I just need to get him used to the idea of using a toy and it's nothing against him it's just the way I'm built and can get off.
02/18/2011
Contributor: TeaganChase TeaganChase
Quote:
Originally posted by StephieBoo02
Thanks all that helps. Like I said only the toys seem to get me off I've tried playing with myself and having him play with me. I think I just need to get him used to the idea of using a toy and it's nothing against him it's just the way ... more
Everyone is different. Just try some things with him like suggested and see what works for you Good Luck!!!
02/20/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
Sounds like you've gotten some good suggestions above! I can't orgasm without my own manual stimulation, so my partner and I work to

1. Let him try things out with me giving direction so that he can get better at stimulating me

2. Get myself off after sex; my partner likes watching anyway!
02/20/2011