Sex is painful for him?

Sex is painful for him?

Coralbell Coralbell
We recently lost our virginity to each other so we are not very experienced. He says sex is painful sometimes and it feels like his penis is bending inside me. I think it might be because his penis is longer than my vagina. I can feel it hitting up against my cervix and A spot. To me that feels good but it's not enjoyable for him. I told him to try not going so deep, but he says it doesn't feel good unless he goes deep. We have tried a few different positions but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?
08/01/2010
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Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
We recently lost our virginity to each other so we are not very experienced. He says sex is painful sometimes and it feels like his penis is bending inside me. I think it might be because his penis is longer than my vagina. I can feel it hitting up ...
Maybe not enough lubrication? Also maybe it's just that you're really tight?

Also is he circumsized? I was friends with an intact guy and he said that the first few times he had sex it did kind of hurt because the foreskin wasn't as used to moving in that way or something.
08/01/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
Maybe not enough lubrication? Also maybe it's just that you're really tight?

Also is he circumsized? I was friends with an intact guy and he said that the first few times he had sex it did kind of hurt because the foreskin wasn't ...
Yeah the circumcision thing is a big one. My dad had this problem when he first go together with my mom. What happens is if they never have pulled the skin back before it is tight and when it gets pulled back during sex it can hurt. It will go away in time though so don't worry . The best way to get it to go away is have more sex and stretch that skin out.
08/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
You're right, he is uncircumsized. But shouldn't he be used to the skin being pulled back from masturbating?
08/01/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
Can he pull his foreskin back all the way? I had a friend with phimosis or a permanent sweater as he liked to call it. Eventually he had circumcision performed as an adult and he said it was a good decision, though more memorable than if he had been an infant: 6 weeks of no masturbating and no sex during recovery. I'm not saying your boyfriend has to, but he may want to consider it. Circumcised men have great sex too!
08/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Well I pull it back when I give him blowjobs so I don't think that's the problem. And he didn't say it was the foreskin that hurt, he said it feels like his penis is bending.
08/01/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
You're right, he is uncircumsized. But shouldn't he be used to the skin being pulled back from masturbating?
Not necessarily, most uncircumsized men masturbate quite differently than circumsized men. The foreskin has so many nerves that most guys who posses them don't stretch the skin for friction like most uncircumsized men do. They roll the skin over the head of the penis which means that it doesn't get stretched out. What you can do it try to have him insert his penis slowly inside you when you are very ready and plenty lubricated. Be sure the foreskin isn't upulled back tauntly so that it can rock back and forth easily without the stretching feeling. If you are using a condom this won't work of course since the skin needs to be pulled back before putting it on. In that case have him thrust slowly and carefully until he feels the stretch then stop and release the pressure by pulling out. Ask him to fully stretch the foreskin slowly and with proper lubrication while masturbating to help stretch the skin and prepare him for the sensation of penetration.

For the bending feeling he needs to move into you slowly and carefully until he feels the bend begin. Then you have the opportunity to decide if it's the postion you are using or if he is longer than average and you need time to adjust to his length. Also try erotic massage before you have sex. Running your palms over the skin of another person releases oxytocin into the bloodstream causing the vaginal barrel to stretch and become more elastic. It will increase your arousal and could allow you to accept his length more easily. Spooning can naturally limit the penetration as well as give him much more control. You could try female on top and listen to when he says he is having that feeling to know how far he can comfortably penetrate you.
08/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Thanks for the infromation and suggestions, Airen. I hope I haven't been hurting him by pulling his foreskin back! We've used condoms a couple times while waiting for my birth control pills to be effective and he had trouble staying hard and said they were uncomfortable. I thought it was just condoms in general but maybe it's because his foreskin was pulled back?

The only position he's told me feels good is when I'm on my stomach with my legs closed. I don't know if theres a name for that We haven't tried spooning yet but seems like that would be similar. But it's confusing because he says in missionary it doesn't feel like he's going deep enough.

I've gone on top and the problem is that he won't tell me when I'm hurting him. He just says to do what feels good to me. But I can see on his face that what feels good to me is too rough for him. It seems like our bodies are kind of incompatible

He feels really awkward and hates talking about this but I'll have to try and drag more information out of him.
08/01/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Thanks for the infromation and suggestions, Airen. I hope I haven't been hurting him by pulling his foreskin back! We've used condoms a couple times while waiting for my birth control pills to be effective and he had trouble staying hard and ...
I really can't see how you bodies would not be compatible. As far as the bending I'm rather perplexed because I haven't herd of it before. Is it bending? I guess that's the real question. Maybe you have a curved vagina?
08/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by PonyPlay
I really can't see how you bodies would not be compatible. As far as the bending I'm rather perplexed because I haven't herd of it before. Is it bending? I guess that's the real question. Maybe you have a curved vagina?
By not being compatible I meant that my vagina seems to be shorter than his penis, and that he seems to be very sensitive and need more gentle, shallow thrusting and I am not very sensitive and want it hard and deep.

I have no idea if it's actually bending. All I can go by is what he says, and he doesn't seem to really know what's happening either. I thought the painful bending sensation was caused by him hitting my cervix, but now I'm wondering if it's from his foreskin being tugged too hard. Or maybe a combination of the two?
08/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
So nobody else has actually experienced this?
08/02/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
I haven't. I am a little confused about the entire situation can you explain what you are doing when it is hurting him?
08/02/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Doggy style, me on top, and when I put my legs up during missionary all seem to hurt him. With normal missionary it doesn't hurt but he says it doesn't feel that good either, and he takes forever to cum. The only way he's said felt good was with me lying on my stomach.

I'm confused about the entire situation as well. He just wants to avoid the subject though and won't really explain it to me. It's so frustrating.
08/02/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Doggy style, me on top, and when I put my legs up during missionary all seem to hurt him. With normal missionary it doesn't hurt but he says it doesn't feel that good either, and he takes forever to cum. The only way he's said felt good ...
Well it's a good time to establish some communication. If you don't mind me asking how long have you been together? He probably doesn't want to talk about it because he is feeling insecure about himself sexual. He probably doesn't understand why it's hurting either and is upset because he think that something could be wrong with him. So it is a sensitive topic, but in order to figure out what going on you both are going to need to have an open line of communication. You need to have sex again and this time you need him to tell you exactly how and where it hurts, and what he is doing when it hurts. That way you can figure out what is happening better. As far as him taking a long time to cum, don't rush him, it's better that he take his time then rush. It's also better because girls take a little longer to orgasm then guys so just enjoy yourself.
08/03/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by PonyPlay
Well it's a good time to establish some communication. If you don't mind me asking how long have you been together? He probably doesn't want to talk about it because he is feeling insecure about himself sexual. He probably doesn't ...
We're not actually together. We started as friends, then became more for a while, but we're back to being friends, except now we're having sex too.

And yes, he is insecure. We were both virgins but I have had experience with other guys, and he has never dated or even kissed another girl. I tried to made a joke about how maybe we're just doing it wrong because we're inexperienced and it hurt his feelings.

I think we might actually take a break from sex for a while. It's causing too much tension between us right now, and he's not really enjoying it, which makes it hard for me to enjoy it, so what's the point?

But if we do decide to try again, I will ask him to tell me as soon as he gets the feeling, rather than waiting til later to try and figure out what happened. Hopefully that will help.
08/04/2010
Midway through Midway through
This could be a number of things. If he's having pain.. you should probably be seeing a doctor.
08/04/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
This could be a number of things. If he's having pain.. you should probably be seeing a doctor.
This is a dumb question, but do you mean that he should be seeing a doctor or that I should?
08/04/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
We're not actually together. We started as friends, then became more for a while, but we're back to being friends, except now we're having sex too.

And yes, he is insecure. We were both virgins but I have had experience with other ...
It's the best to start as friends, but I'm am confused because if you are having sex but say you are just friends, is there an emotional attachment going on, or are you just doing it for fun? I think you need to establish what sort of relationship you got going on before you take another step forward. If you are just friends and don't have any deep feelings for each other then leave it at friends, but if you are attached to each other then you should start keep going forward with the relationship. And here's another thing you don't have to be formally asked out to be boyfriend and girlfriend it just kinda happens. Me and my man were best friends and then started doing stuff and became boyfriend and girlfriend even though we never really established it.

As far as taking a break from sex, it will not make him hurt less and may end you newfound sex life on a bad note. On the other hand if you don't really like him end it, because you don't want to lead him on. I say that if you really like each other keep having sex because the only way you are going to get a better idea of what is going on with him is by communicating with him and asking him what hurts and where. Also you can stop having sex but still play around, I recommend taking a step back from sex and start experimenting with oral and try mutual masturbation. It will take his mind off of sex and you two can get a better idea of what you like and how you like to be touched. You will also learn more about each other which will make sex a lot better.

As far as him being insecure you need to be extra supportive in your sex life. If he is good tell him and reassure him that you want him. He is facing a really critical point in his life and probably feels defective sexual, that's a big deal! He's faced thoughts that he will be in pain every time he has sex that is scary! I would feel really depressed if I were him. So you have to understand what he is going through and be sensitive about it. Hope this helps some.
08/04/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Yes, there is an emotional attachment between us, but it's not a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. I'm not leading him on at all, we feel the same way about it each other.

And when I mentioned taking a break from sex, I didn't mean that we would stop the whole sexual side of our relationsip, just the actual intercourse part. Thats the only thing that seems to be causing us problems. We have already tried oral and mutual masturbation so we will probably go back to that for a while.

I try to be supportive. He tells me I could do better than him and things like that and it makes me so sad that he feels that way. It's strange because he will talk to me about anything else, and tell me things he's never told anyone else, but he still doesn't feel comfortable discussing sex.
08/05/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
Yes, there is an emotional attachment between us, but it's not a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. I'm not leading him on at all, we feel the same way about it each other.

And when I mentioned taking a break from sex, I ...
How would you describe your relationship? Like what do you consider it?

Also try not to get to down when he says that you could get better then him. Just reassure him, that could also be taken as he thinks he is really lucky that you choose him. Also respect his feelings and don't pressure him to talk, guys always react badly when they are pressured into doing something they are not ready to do. If he does talk about it don't over react and make sure to listen don't give him all sorts of advice like we girls like to do, just listen to what he's saying and after he's completely done talking about it then you can talk. He will talk about it eventually but he just is not ready to yet. It's very important that when he does though you react good otherwise he may worry about telling you things in the future because he is scared of how you will react.
08/05/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by PonyPlay
How would you describe your relationship? Like what do you consider it?

Also try not to get to down when he says that you could get better then him. Just reassure him, that could also be taken as he thinks he is really lucky that you choose ...
I consider it a friendship, like I said I don't want to pressure him to talk about it, but at the same time I find it ridiculous that he waits to tell me til after that it hurts, and only if I ask whether it did. Why suffer through it when he could tell me and we could stop and try something else?
08/05/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
I consider it a friendship, like I said I don't want to pressure him to talk about it, but at the same time I find it ridiculous that he waits to tell me til after that it hurts, and only if I ask whether it did. Why suffer through it when he ...
He's trying to please you and doesn't want to make you feel weird during sex. He is putting trying to please you ahead of his feelings. Also does he view it as just a friendship? And if it is just a friendship then would you be open to dating someone else at anytime because you don't consider it anything more than a friendship?
08/05/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
He feels awkward talking during any sexual activity, but I think it's way more awkward to just be quiet. I tell him when what he's doing feels good and when it doesn't, because that's how he can learn to do what I like. I'm having a hard time learning how to make him feel good, because he doesn't want to talk.

I was hoping someone might be able to answer my question, but it seems like I need more information from him. Other people can guess what the problem might be but he is the only one who can really know what's going on with his body.

You seem concerned about our overall relationship, but we don't have any issues with that, just with sex. He also views it as a friendship. We are open to dating other people. We talk about people we are interested in and give each other advice.
08/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
So nobody else has actually experienced this?
yes we experienced this, mt life partner and I. It was a combination of foreskin tightness, enthusiasm on my part (taking things to fast) and getting used to him. He is also a full foot taller than I am and his back is VERY long. We learned to slow down and get very worked up before having PIV sex. You will get more experienced you just need to communicate.
08/06/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
This is a dumb question, but do you mean that he should be seeing a doctor or that I should?
He should since he is experiencing the pain
08/06/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Well if you really ain't that committed to each other then it shouldn't be a big deal. I was asking about your relationship because I am trying to understand what you are trying to accomplish by making sex better between you. In all honesty if I were you and didn't feel to attached to him and didn't intend for the relationship to turn into anything I would let him go and find a new man to have sex with because it sounds like it is just creating tension between you and it's not super great feeling for either of you. Or keep having sex but don't worry about it, there is no point putting a bunch of effort into helping someone feel good about themselves when you don't intend on keeping them. Just let things happen if he hurts then that is his problem and he can decide what is best for him you shouldn't get overly concerned and let it make you feel bad because in the greater scheme of things there is no quick fix to help someone get over a insecurity. You can help him with his insecurity but you don't really intend on sticking with him so I wouldn't worry about, it will take to much energy and end up draining you in the end and hurting other relationships you may have in the future. He needs stability to get over his insecure feelings and you don't want to give him the impression that you are going to support him and then bail.

For example what would happen you keep having sex with him and make him feel supported and then get a boyfriend, and your new boyfriend isn't so turned on by the thought of you sleeping with someone else while you are with him. Then you'll have to dump your friend on his but or tell you boyfriend to get over and risk losing your boyfriend. If you end up having to dump you friend one day after you have been supporting him this will hurt him more than never supporting him at all. It's just something to think about.

As far as him hurting tell him he should go to see a doctor about it because there are a lot of things it could be.
08/06/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
yes we experienced this, mt life partner and I. It was a combination of foreskin tightness, enthusiasm on my part (taking things to fast) and getting used to him. He is also a full foot taller than I am and his back is VERY long. We learned to slow ...
I've heard lots of girls talk about sex being painful for them at first, and the guy having to take it easy, but I've never heard anyone talk about it being the other way around. Glad to know that it's happened to other people and that it worked out okay for you in the end.

I figured as long as I was wet that meant I was ready, but after your last post I did a little reading. I never knew that the vagina actually gets larger and the cervix moves back when a woman is very aroused. So maybe I haven't been waiting to reach that stage before we start...
08/06/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
I've heard lots of girls talk about sex being painful for them at first, and the guy having to take it easy, but I've never heard anyone talk about it being the other way around. Glad to know that it's happened to other people and that it ...
Most woman hurt when there cervix gets pushed up against though so I don't know if he is actually hitting you cervix and even if it is I don't understand why the would make him hurt.
08/06/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
Quote:
Originally posted by PonyPlay
Most woman hurt when there cervix gets pushed up against though so I don't know if he is actually hitting you cervix and even if it is I don't understand why the would make him hurt.
Yes, I can feel him hitting the edge of my cervix but it doesn't hurt me. My cervix doesn't seem to have much feeling. It's pretty hard though and the head of his penis seems really sensitive so I can see why that could hurt him, especially if there is a foreskin issue going on at the same time.
08/06/2010
CamelliaGirl CamelliaGirl
Hmmm, girls are stretchier and longer-cunted (sorry, it's hardto figure out how else to put it) right before and after they come...you could try getting to the brink before he goes in and that would give him more room to play
12/30/2012
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