what are/have been your apprehensions about having a 3some?

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what are/have been your apprehensions about having a 3some?

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Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
*background story.
(skip to below if you just want the discussion question without the backstory)


my boy and i recently have finally found a gal to be our third, it seems, if just for a night. we all got so freaking drunk the other night and the gal was really into dancing dirty, making out with me, grinding on him, etc.... we even got her back to our house but by that time we were mostly sobered up, and he and i were both too damn shy to make a move, didn't wanna scare her off!

anywho, the next night he and i have really hot sex talking about how hot it would be to do her together. until this point the fantasy has been mostly him just watching me fuck another girl, fuck me during it... maybe let her suck his dick.
i've never seriously considered letting him actually stick his dick in another gal - couldn't handle it. the fantasy was for his enjoyment mostly (though i do have a huge thing for gals)

but during our fantasizing, he starts talking about how much he wants to feel her pussy. at first i'm really turned on by it --- the thought of someone else wanting him, enjoying his cock, how hot it'd be to see him that pleasured, knowing it was me who was allowing this pleasure for him...


but then in the middle of sex it just hit me, some jealousy. and fears - what if he fell in love with her? what if he wanted her for his GF? i started feeling real shitty. talked to him about it of course, but it got me wondering...



---------------------- -----


for you guys, what has kept you or almost kept you from having a 3some? what have some of your fears or apprehensions been?
did you find when/if you actually went through with the 3some that the apprehensions were unfounded, or reaffirmed?

thanks for sharing. i'd really like to have one in my life with my boy, but am not sure i'm ready. your feedback is appreciated.


01/18/2012
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Contributor: Ghost Ghost
I have always wanted a threesome, but I have never had the guts (or the right timing). I'm just not sure I could do it with someone I am in a long term relationship with. It's not so much that I'm afraid either one of us would fall for someone we saw only once or twice (I'm not really into polyamorous relationships), but more like... the thought of the morning after "embarrassment" is too much for me. I wouldn't know what to say after something like that.

Not to mention the fact that most of the people I've been in long term relationships with would not be at all interested in that, and I never wanted to hurt any of them.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I would only have a 3some with a partner, but then my biggest fear is losing them to the 3rd person for whatever reason.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Cookie Monster Mike Cookie Monster Mike
For me, I'm stuck with 2 problems. First, it is more fantasy, I would love to have a 3some with 2 females. However, I don't think I could be in a strong relationship with one, but not the other. I couldn't be in a relationship with both either. I think it would have to be one of those, I know them both, they know each other, but only just enough to feel comfortable in performing this act.

In high school I had an offer for a 3some but I passed it up, I thought to myself, I really don't know these girls. Also the thought of getting someone pregnant etc...yeah no thx. lol Otherwise the timing and situation just has never formed right.

I'm engaged now, and I don't think I would perform in a 3some. I care to much about certain things and while if the fantasy came true it would be freaken hot! In the long run I would feel shitty and probably regret it.
01/19/2012
Contributor: GS500 GS500
We've had threesomes and it just takes a very strong desire and strong trust from both people. The third has to be emotionally detached, going online is a good way to find that type of third.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
What stops me from doing it now is that I've done it in the past and man, women can be straight up psycho when it comes to this stuff. All of a sudden what was once a pleasurable memory becomes a point of contention with both of us scrambling to figure out how to get her to leave us the fuck alone. (Guess we're just really awesome people. Hah!)

It's natural to feel jealous. It's natural to be wary. Just keep talking about it and figure out the best way for it all to go down. Whether it's you who handles all of the contact information so he doesn't have her info and she doesn't have his or taking it to a hotel so that your living space doesn't become the "scene where it all began".
01/19/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
It's something that part of me has always wanted to do, but for me (and my husband) sex is something that comes after we become really close with another person and at that point sex doesn't come without a relationship and we wouldn't want to add a third person to our marriage. It's maybe something we could try to do with a stranger, but he's passed up opportunities for threesomes in the past, and has made it clear that he's pretty against doing one now, so unless something changes in the future, this will stay one of those things I wonder about from time to time but never actually try to do.
01/19/2012
Contributor: WanderlustinGypsy WanderlustinGypsy
I have actually had two threesomes, both with my husband (boyfriend/ FWB at the times) and they were both really awkward. I wasn't jealous, like I thought I would be, but I did wind up feeling bad for the other girls because it all boiled down to him really just wanting to have sex with me! XD As it turned out, Caleb liked the IDEA of a threesome, but not so much the actual three-some. He didn't like seeing me with another woman, and he felt wrong doing things in front of me with another woman, so it was just epic awkward failure all-around.

On a side note- If we ever do decide to do it again, I think one choice we would make would be to go to a local swinger/fantasy club and choose to do it with another couple or woman which we don;t know in a personal setting. I think one of the reasons it was so awkward is the people we chose to include. For right now though were enjoying monogamy.

Also, I really think you and your man should have some in-depth discussions about it, and evaluate where you stand. I think it takes a strong couple to be able to make it through a threesome without viewing it as infidelity. Can you keep the sex separate from your emotions? How would he feel seeing you have sex with another man? Is there equality between you on that matter? Consider the person, is it a close friend? Do you want to risk your friendship with them? Would you be more comfortable with someone who is more a stranger? There is a lot of discussion and consideration that needs to take place I believe before making such a move.
01/19/2012
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by WanderlustinGypsy
I have actually had two threesomes, both with my husband (boyfriend/ FWB at the times) and they were both really awkward. I wasn't jealous, like I thought I would be, but I did wind up feeling bad for the other girls because it all boiled down to ... more
lol @ the awkwardness... i think it's possible that we could end up with the same predicament. the IDEA of the 3some is hot but he may not like seeing me with another gal in reality.


in fact, he was so drunk at the club that when he saw me making out with her, which i made sure he could see (this was for HIS enjoyment too, you know) he got all jealous. cock blocking and everything! when he sobered up he said oh i wasn't jealous at all, thought it was hot... but i'm like, kiddo i know you. and i know your jealous face. and you were not happy.


we're getting with her this weekend too. she's an acquaintance, becoming more of a friend. but she live far enough away that i wouldn't have to see her if things got weird.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I am with you on the whole sticking his cock in someone else. This is the part of the fantasy that is not happening when we have a threesome, if we do. I have already made it very clear. Oral is fine, but vaginal sex, she could get pregnant. We are not paying out child support to someone, that would be awful, luckily he agrees. I think the threesome idea sounds fun, but realistically is not as fun. There are too many things to actually consider.
01/19/2012
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I am with you on the whole sticking his cock in someone else. This is the part of the fantasy that is not happening when we have a threesome, if we do. I have already made it very clear. Oral is fine, but vaginal sex, she could get pregnant. We are ... more
true.. there's alot to consider. STDs for one. i said it's fine if she sucks him off... but he has to wear a condom. and best if he switches the condom before fucking her with it.

she has an IUD but already has 2 kids... though they happened while mid-birth control switch and when she let a guy come right up in her. young folks make mistakes. she's not so young now. we're the same age, at least.


i guess we'll kind of see how things go. we're both so shy it may never actually happen. only time will tell.
01/19/2012
Contributor: WanderlustinGypsy WanderlustinGypsy
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
lol @ the awkwardness... i think it's possible that we could end up with the same predicament. the IDEA of the 3some is hot but he may not like seeing me with another gal in reality.


in fact, he was so drunk at the club that when he ... more
Some things are just better left as a fantasy! Lol! I am very serious about how we would do it in the future, it would be planned out much better and I would go to the club, because I know exactly how everyone there would feel about it, after all, it is a swingers club! Plus we could leave and never have to see them again even if things DID get weird. I am just 100% against it being a friend because of our previous experiences.
01/19/2012
Contributor: WanderlustinGypsy WanderlustinGypsy
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
true.. there's alot to consider. STDs for one. i said it's fine if she sucks him off... but he has to wear a condom. and best if he switches the condom before fucking her with it.

she has an IUD but already has 2 kids... though they ... more
You can DEFINITELY get pregnant on an IUD. I went to have mine checked and found out it had actually expelled and I had no clue. I'd make sure he uses a condom though, simply for the risk of an STD. I hate to even admit it, but once when we were younger my husband had contracted one of the silent ones, chlamydia, and we had it for quite some time w/o ever having a single symptom or a clue that we did, it was a nightmare to try and get rid of it, we just kept giving it back to each other. I can't even imagine how much worse it would have been if I would have had the symptoms.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I tried it once, and it actually ended up being a little traumatic for me. I think it's made me shy to try it again. Also it's made me scared to try anything with women again too. I'm attracted to them, but I think the threesome experience ruined it for me.
01/19/2012
Contributor: Girly Girl Girly Girl
may be
01/19/2012
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
I've only dated two people who were really interested in doing a threesome. The first was way back in high school and neither of us could think of anyone who wouldn't blab, so it just didn't happen. The second and of course much more recent was dang... four five years ago. I was head over heels infatuated with her and when she brought up doing a threesome with someone, say the waitress at a restaurant we were at, well certainly not that I would have said no but I honestly told her that I only had eyes for her. She probably took that as a no.
Not that it matters but she was MTF TG. I subsequently learned that she was lesbian and I was the experimental boyfriend.
01/19/2012
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
*background story.
(skip to below if you just want the discussion question without the backstory)


my boy and i recently have finally found a gal to be our third, it seems, if just for a night. we all got so freaking drunk the other ... more
i have always wanted to have a 3some with another female and it almost happened once but she backed out.my only worry and rule would to be with someone we would never see again(my partner and i)as i am a very jealous person and if it was someone in our lives i would worry about them starting something..or him ending up liking her more than me.
01/19/2012
Contributor: bsgs bsgs
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
*background story.
(skip to below if you just want the discussion question without the backstory)


my boy and i recently have finally found a gal to be our third, it seems, if just for a night. we all got so freaking drunk the other ... more
my wife and i both have a fantasy of having a 3some, but for her, its the jealousy thing. she cant stand the idea of me being with someone else, for the same reason that you said....she thinks ill find someone better and leave her. maybe someday, when she realizes that i married her for the reason that i didnt want to be with someone else for the rest of my life
01/20/2012
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
I think it is better in my head
01/21/2012