What do you do when you and your partner have opposite kinks?

Contributor: Komitto Komitto
So, my partner and I have recently realized that we have one kink each that is opposed to what the other likes. I mean more toward a praise kink, which means I enjoy giving praise and receiving it. On the other hand, he likes the idea of degrading. I've been trying to let him incorporate it a bit, but it makes me pretty uncomfortable. I'm not exactly sure how we should work this difference out right now. So, I'd love to hear opinions from others.
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12/13/2021
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Contributor: 4ever18 4ever18
Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by all participants. You should never have to endure something that makes you uncomfortable.
12/13/2021
Contributor: Komitto Komitto
Quote:
Originally posted by 4ever18
Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by all participants. You should never have to endure something that makes you uncomfortable.
That is originally how I viewed it as well, but now I'm not so sure as I've thought into it more. Sex definitely should be enjoyable, but can it truly be enjoyable for your partner if you aren't even willing to try something that they like? He knows that I don't like it, but he said he'd be willing to work up very slowly on it and make sure to do the things I like before and after.

So, I'm wondering if I should at least try. I could just be uncomfortable with it because I'm not used to that kind of thing and it makes me feel like the person doesn't care as much when they say degrading things. However, can someone like saying things like that because they find it hot without it making them view their partner in that way? If so, I think I'd be okay with slowly working up on some of that stuff. Though, there would definitely have to be a lot of care and reassurance afterwards.

What are your thoughts on this?
12/14/2021
Contributor: Stoney Stoney
I would say that you should start out slowly building up to it if you want to make your partner happy. So, only allow it on special occasions and see if you can get into it before deciding if you want to not allow it at all.
12/20/2021
Contributor: Komitto Komitto
Quote:
Originally posted by Stoney
I would say that you should start out slowly building up to it if you want to make your partner happy. So, only allow it on special occasions and see if you can get into it before deciding if you want to not allow it at all.
That's what I've been trying to do lately. Though, his idea of working up to it is faster than I think it should be. However, I think we're working it out, which is good because he means the world to me
12/21/2021
Contributor: Stoney Stoney
Quote:
Originally posted by Komitto
That's what I've been trying to do lately. Though, his idea of working up to it is faster than I think it should be. However, I think we're working it out, which is good because he means the world to me
I think that is a good way to work on it. I really hope you and your partner manage to work everything out!
12/22/2021
Contributor: Komitto Komitto
Quote:
Originally posted by Stoney
I think that is a good way to work on it. I really hope you and your partner manage to work everything out!
So far everything has been going great! Thank you so much for the advice!
12/22/2021
Contributor: sevennn sevennn
I know that I'm a little bit late to the game, but usually, I would say to enjoy it on your own. This probably won't apply to your situation, since it's more verbal kinks rather than physical. If you haven't already, maybe try getting your partner to add positive descriptors to degrading terms? I know that a popular one is "little whore/slut," so maybe instead of just that, they could add "good" or even "my good" in front of it? Also, to reiterate on a previous message you made, someone can most definitely say degrading things in the moment without thinking of their partner like that all the time. It's all part of the fun, I think, even if the feelings that you feel are a little intense. Aftercare should always be given after any sort of scene (unless otherwise negotiated)!
02/27/2022
Contributor: omgmegg omgmegg
Also a little late, but I’ve experienced something similar. I had a lot of conversations with my partner at the time about it, and why it was not something that I was comfortable with. We set limits, and introduced it slowly when agreed upon in advance…there were no surprises. Eventually I realized how much it turned my partner on, which in turn began to turn me on. It’s still not a preferred kink, and not something that I’m fully comfortable with if I were to try it with a new partner but I’m glad it was something that we worked through together at that time. A lot of my pleasure does come directly from knowing my partner is turned on and enjoying themselves; this was a good lesson for me personally to be a bit more open minded in what I was willing to try.

I think as long as there is trust established, you have had an open and honest conversation in advance and boundaries are set - introducing it slowly isn’t a terrible idea if you’re not completely against it. As always, have a safe word established in case things get too intense, and make sure you practice aftercare. After you’ve introduced it, keep talking about it with each other and be open about what you liked/didn’t like.
02/28/2022