The New Intimacy

When Playtime Plans Fail

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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Okay, so it happens. We build up to have these great plans for a night of fun with our lover, bring over toys, or pull out something we haven't in a long while. Hell. We might even buy something special to wear just for that night.

So what happens when it falls flat on its face? Like one or both of you being too exhausted, your body just not agreeing to orgasm, or the mood just not being right?

Do you laugh it off, take a shower and move on? Do you ferment on it and get stale over it? Or do you agree that sometimes, things just don't work out as planned and you'll try again another time when the mood is right?
01/18/2014
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Contributor: Lioncub Lioncub
Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Despite our best efforts it happens. I feel if you stew about it or make a big deal to the other person you're not helping the situation but rather potentially making it worse and leading in a direction that could cause it to happen again.
01/18/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Lioncub
Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Despite our best efforts it happens. I feel if you stew about it or make a big deal to the other person you're not helping the situation but rather potentially making it worse and leading in a direction ... more
I agree!

My ex and I used to do that to each other. She had a lower sex drive compared to mine, but when the mood would strike her, it would strike HARD and FAST. And sometimes I just simply wasn't in the mood, or it just wasn't doing it for me and she'd get upset that I wasn't coming or enjoying myself. And then it would happen vice versa, only, I'd be upset that I was in the mood and she wasn't.

It was a rather unhealthy sexual relationship in the end because of that kind of thing. I've definitely learned a valuable lesson from it and I've been able to curb things for my current relationship.

He and I were able to laugh it off, especially when the inevitable queefs happen and the fact we were both dead tired after having lost a lot of sleep the night prior.
01/18/2014
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
I roll w/ it, whatever "it" is. if it's not happening, can't force it to work. well, one could try, but it's not necessarily going to happen. I want my partner & myself to feel good sexually w/ each other & our own selves. so I don't like to put high expectations on any part of our sexual experiences. I like to savor whatever does happen.
01/19/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
I roll w/ it, whatever "it" is. if it's not happening, can't force it to work. well, one could try, but it's not necessarily going to happen. I want my partner & myself to feel good sexually w/ each other & our own ... more
Savoring it is definitely more important.

Like my new year's eve night haha, that was a good one.
01/19/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
My partner and I laugh it off mostly. Things happen and we always can't control those things. Usually we will just spend that time trying to be intimate in another way if we can. He and I have a very good sense humor and a good understanding that moods can't be forced so we take it as a "It is what is" moment.
01/20/2014
Contributor: guard083 guard083
It can be so frustrating some times when that happens. I try to remind myself nobody always has perfect sex or perfect plans that don't fall apart at some time. I've had a surprise for weeks and it just hasn't been "right" timing yet. I know though that its part of life.
08/14/2014
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
(Review Program Mentor)
It is hard not to get your feelings hurt if you go to a lot of effort and get turned down. We have found that keeping in touch throughout the day to see where the other is helps. If you call late afternoon and your partner tells you how wiped out they are, you put your surprise off for another day. Also if you are the partner that had a hard day, you try to let all the other stuff go and focus on the time with your partner. Communication and putting the other person first is the key. Sometimes he won't be in the mood or too tired so a back rub can move things in the right direction.
08/14/2014
Contributor: Confusedxfreak Confusedxfreak
I do get upset, I'm a crazy sexual person so if I know things are planned then I'm expecting it but things happen and there will be a next time, but I still may be upset.
08/24/2014