Why does my man want me to have sex with another man so he can watch and join?!

Contributor: Tsexy619 Tsexy619
We’ve been together 7 years, and we have a 18 month old son.. We were on vacation in 2015 and we were drinking and went out.. When we went back to the hotel he asked me if I would let another guy join I said no., He told me he would marry me if I did.. I was being stupid and under the influence so I said yes and I did it.. No he didn’t marry me he decided he wanted to have a child first., So I gave him a son.. Here we are 2 years later and he said he wants to do it again.. He is a pleaser in bed and I have multiple Orgasms before he gets his. Lately he has been wanting to use a big dildo on me. Is the one that sticks to the floor and he wants me to give him head while I ride the toy.. While he was using it on me he said:” fuck that big dick”.. I told him the first time in Vegas I did not enjoy it, I wasn’t attracted to the guy. So he said I can do it with an attractive guy so I will like it.. But what is confusing to me is; he is a jealous guy.. I can’t even say a guy is cute on TV., This has me very confused.. Can some men help way in on this subject? Why would he want me to have sex with another guy? I guess this is a turn on for him but I don’t understand why.. A part of me is saying no way, because I am happy and satisfied with the way things are, and I have my beliefs in God which is telling me it isn’t right. Then a part of me is also thinking if this guy is attractive I might like it..
10/16/2018
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I'll take a stab at it. There is a subculture of porn (and life) that is dedicated to various concepts around sharing a partner. Some are associated with the female being subservient - that is doing as her husband instructs/demands. A female in this relationship is sometimes referred to as a 'Hot Wife'

In others the male is subservient - this is often called cuckolding and is a part of Femdom (female domination) or FLR (female lead relationships). The term Hot Wife is also used in this arena as well. In an FLR, the male is referred to as a Cuck or Cuckold.

It sounds like your husband is more of former. It seems that he is excited by the concept that other men are very attracted to you - and maybe the idea that he can control the encounters.

Although I fantasize about it, for me the risk of emotional entanglement, hurt feelings and STDs mean that it will forever remain a fantasy.

However since you've done this before, and he seemed to be able to handle his jealousy, it seems that over time you may grow to enjoy the experience.

My wife has learned to enjoy many things that she never dreamed of including, anal, pegging and light BDSM. When you think of having sex with the same person for 30-50 years, the idea of variety is vital.

How the two of you as a couple figure out new ways to keep sex exciting will in large measure determine your level of intimacy and happiness.

There are many ways other than multiple partners to add variety - but multiple partners is certainly not a rare occurrence either.

You have to decide what's best for you - my only advice it to the long view. That it is, will this strengthen your relationship 5-10 years down the road.

Best of luck.
10/18/2018
Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
I agree with Gunsmoke on a few key points here:
1) That is definitely a cuckold fantasy
2) Him being a jealous guy only fuels up the fantasy, making it more achingly pleasurable
3) If you decide to do it again, it MIGHT strengthen your relationship year down the road

And there are a few "buts" -
I am a bit concerned with you clearly regretting the first experience and now considering to do it again. If you are not happy with what is going on, if it doesn't bring your sexual and emotional pleasure, it's not worth it. The cuckold scene is supposed to make you feel desired, like a goddess - if it doesn't work for you, it's okay and you can easily say that it is not something you're comfortable with. If the experience will only make you doubt furthermore, it won't do good for your relationship.

You certainly do not need to feel "bad" - everything is right as long as it's safe, sane and consensual.

Hope this helps
10/22/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by GingerAnn
I agree with Gunsmoke on a few key points here:
1) That is definitely a cuckold fantasy
2) Him being a jealous guy only fuels up the fantasy, making it more achingly pleasurable
3) If you decide to do it again, it MIGHT strengthen your ... more
Well stated, and way more succinct than I
10/22/2018
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
I agree with the others assessments. He may also be turned on be seeing a big dick and seeing you turn that big dick on and being a pleaser, all of that might fit in. He may want to live out that fantasy vicariously through you. A man can enjoy seeing another erection and cumshot without being bisexual.
10/22/2018
Contributor: Starlight Requiem Starlight Requiem
It sounds like a strange situation.

I'm a jealous guy, and I don't think I could ever want a partner to be off with another.

At the moment your situation kind of feels like a "cuckold lite" arrangement.

At the moment he's just looking to ease you into sleeping with others. Later on, he may try encouraging you towards other cuckold-ish things.

There may come a point where he will start wanting you to deny him sex, in favor of sleeping with others. Or even things like comparing his sexual prowess, or equipment size, to those of the men he wants you to sleep with.

There are a few hints of that, I believe, with him wanting you to take big dildos.

Things can backfire with this, if his perspective changes in the future. He could become upset at some point that you have done this, regardless of him asking you to do it. So that is one thing to be cautious of in moving forward.

If you do decide to go forward with this, one thing I'd recommend is to avoid repeat lovers, because you may form an attachment with them, that could end up in a separation.

Ginger was right in the remarks about the goddess worship. The fact that he is making sure you cum several times before him is pretty strong evidence in that direction.
10/22/2018
Contributor: Vulvaluva Vulvaluva
Women tend to classify a man's fantasies, kinks, fetishes, turn ons,.etc into categories. When most guys propose a threesome with another guy they are thinking the woman would enjoy said sexual act. He wants to see her achieve lots of orgasmic events and most of all act like a slutty naughty horny pornstar (all guilt free and private of course!) Most guys are getting off on the fact that their woman is such a hottie that she can have two guys at once if she wanted. So don't classify the whole thing as cuckold or hotwifing! Just think of it as a wild hook up you might have done while single....yes you are married now but he just wants to see how wild and naughty you can be. As far as the jealously goes be proud he is jealous. By being jealous he is saying you are 1. Gorgeous! 2. He is protective (I bet he would punch a guy if you felt threatened) 3. He wants you for himself. In closing don't turn his fantasy into humiliating him or think he wants you to be a blow up doll for him and some guy. He just wants his lady to be a little more naughty than usual noone said you guys have to follow cuckold or hotwifing rules! And don't think into things too much
Just because he wants to see you with a well endowed guy doesn't mean he's going to withdraw sexually later on or that he wants you to humiliate him. He just wants to get nasty!
10/24/2018
Contributor: TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
I could discuss the in depth psychology of this sort of thing (in general) but without consulting in person it would not help you (specifically).

Sex (reproduction) is a inate physical need. Love (pleasure) is a inate psychological result of that inate physical need. ‘Fantasy’ is a subjective desire. ‘Kink’ is a physical outlet for that desire. All of this in a modern context is not innately natural. Confused?

Thus sex should be fun and enjoyable. If you are uncomfortable with his ‘kink’ even if you have your own similar ‘fantasy’ then don’t do it. Because the ‘love’ you already have will be affected. Unless your mindset changes just say NO.
10/25/2018