The New Intimacy

Okay. I am flabbergasted. 2012 and a buddys daughter, 19 just got pregnant. Her claim? "I always heard you couldn't get pregnant the first time". REALLY???

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
She said she heard it from her "friends". This is a college freshman, who went to an expensive college prep private school, and is a biology major!!!???!!!! This is what 18 and 19 year old's believe in 2012? Are you kidding me?
Have ANY of you out there in EF land...especially our "younger" members, actually heard anyone SAY something this insane and did you correct them on it??? Does anyone actually believe this is possible in this day and age.
Her family (her mom especially, who always was pretty open in discussing sex things with her) are STUNNED beyond belief.
The guy who got her pregnant is not even a boyfriend. It was a "casual party hook up". She barely knows the guy!!!!
02/22/2012
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Contributor: karay123 karay123
Wow. I've never heard someone say that for real.

I'm guessing maybe it's just her excuse? Because college freshman is a virgin? I don't know if I believe that?
02/22/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Isn't this the way it always happens with unwanted pregnancies? Or at least a good percent of the time? It's not shocking and I don't believe for one minute that she believes that line. She's just trying to stem her parents' disappointment in her.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I knew one girl in high school (1994) who thought contraceptive jelly and grape jelly were interchangeable (would hate to know what her toast tasted like). She still ended up pregnant.
02/22/2012
Contributor: EnChAnTiNg EnChAnTiNg
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I knew one girl in high school (1994) who thought contraceptive jelly and grape jelly were interchangeable (would hate to know what her toast tasted like). She still ended up pregnant.
Oh My Goodness!! It is crazy what some people think!
02/22/2012
Contributor: EnChAnTiNg EnChAnTiNg
I agree with Stormy, there is no way she believed that she could not get pregnant her first time. The second point to be made, if it was just a college hookup, chances are it was not her first time.... she is most likely using this "excuse" to try to get her parents to believe she has never had sex before this time.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Swish Swish
WOW that is ridiculous i have never heard such a thing!
02/22/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
This is sad. Some parents and school educational programs need to get their act together. Some people are totally against sexual education in high school but a lot find it an uncomfortable subject to talk with their children once their bodies become sexually mature, I mean SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT! That is just pathetic. But I've seen cases from people I know where they came to me about birth control questions and I took three friends down to planned parenthood and they all got appointments. None went because they were scared. One ended up pregnant after her first time and the other chose the withdraw method but clearly didn't care or know the consequences or how to do it properly (though really there isn't a proper way) and ended up pregnant about a year into her being sexually active. Some teens we can blame them alone, like in my two cases but sometimes it's the parents and/or the school to blame. Especially sheltered teenagers, if no one talks to them then there is no way for them to know, even if they talk to their friends they can get incorrect, ignorant advice and information from them. I know it sounds nuts to you (and it is) that this 19 year old thought that but the said reality is that this is more common of a belief than it should be. *SIGH*
02/22/2012
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I knew one girl in high school (1994) who thought contraceptive jelly and grape jelly were interchangeable (would hate to know what her toast tasted like). She still ended up pregnant.
I know someone that actually believed if you douched w/ Coca Cola it somehow killed the sperm???
02/22/2012
Contributor: quinceykay quinceykay
Yeah, honestly I know plenty of 19-year-olds, or older, who still believe ridiculous things like that - probably partly because of the lack of sex education available to them :/
02/22/2012
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
I don't know anyone who actually believes that, and if someone I knew said that I would assume they were using it as an excuse.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
She said she heard it from her "friends". This is a college freshman, who went to an expensive college prep private school, and is a biology major!!!???!!!! This is what 18 and 19 year old's believe in 2012? Are you kidding me?
Have ... more
WOW! It is a statistical improbability to get pregnant at the time of the first sexual experience according to math...however our bodies are not run by math. It takes a confluence of right timing to get pregnant at the first sexual experience but Nature drives our timing by hormones and other barely understood phenomena, so the reality is you are more than likely going to be feritle and ready to conceive when you decide to go ahead and have sex, unless you take precautions to prevent it and even then you will always have a chance to get pregnant if you have PIV sex! Unless your fallopian tubes render you infertile or your partner's seminal fluid doesn't contain sperm there is always a risk...the risk varies with the proper use of different pregnancy prevention products.

Ok so why did I say all of this? Because that is the word for word lecture I gave my girls the week they began their first menstrual cycle. I can understand your friend's believing that providing the best education their daughter could get would prevent her from being ignorant about her body but nothing beats making sure you let your kids know yourself! Course all things being equal they could have talked to her till they were blue and she might have believed her idiot friends anyway...and if they did then blast her happy ass because she DID know better.

There's nothing wrong with getting pregnant but let's not compound the issue with silliness...that would have been my answer to her!
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by karay123
Wow. I've never heard someone say that for real.

I'm guessing maybe it's just her excuse? Because college freshman is a virgin? I don't know if I believe that?
If you knew her...smart on some things, dumb as a rock on others...you WOULD believe it. She just lacks street smarts at all. Never really dated anyone serious either. Even her folks tried to ENCOURAGE her to go to the prom and such (pretty girl, but deliberately makes herself look plain). Very sheltered, by choice, then goes off to college and it's PARTY TIME!!!! Now it's...well....NINE MONTH COUNTDOWN TIME. Maybe it IS her excuse, but she sure seems sincere in saying "lots of girls say this". If that IS true, it is beyond scary.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Isn't this the way it always happens with unwanted pregnancies? Or at least a good percent of the time? It's not shocking and I don't believe for one minute that she believes that line. She's just trying to stem her parents' disappointment in her.
Totally possible, but on the other hand, she is ADMITTING she was with a guy she knew all of an hour before having sex! She obviously is NOT lying to put herself in a good light with her folks, I can tell you that much!!! Worse yet, she claims SHE REALLY WASN'T DRINKING. Yup..she could have said she was DRUNK and didn't know what she was doing. Instead, she claims she was STONE, COLD SOBER and decided the guy was nice looking and she was tired of being a virgin and everyone was partying and so it goes!!!!!!!!!!!
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by quinceykay
Yeah, honestly I know plenty of 19-year-olds, or older, who still believe ridiculous things like that - probably partly because of the lack of sex education available to them :/
Her parents are pretty cool and open. It just never occurred to them to have to point out something THAT obvious to them. (for which they now are kicking themselves). Also, SHE never asked anything that inane. She said they had a "decent" sex ed class in high school, but "never covered THAT topic". She claims the "info" came from "friends". Great friends, eh?
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Coralbell
I don't know anyone who actually believes that, and if someone I knew said that I would assume they were using it as an excuse.
Maybe, who knows?
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Swish
WOW that is ridiculous i have never heard such a thing!
Maybe in 1950...but today? Nuts. Totally nuts.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
I know someone that actually believed if you douched w/ Coca Cola it somehow killed the sperm???
WHAT...IT DOESN'T??? I thought it dissolved steel and turned steak into liquid mush???? WOW. Now you are re-writing MY birth control manual!!! (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!)
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by EnChAnTiNg
Oh My Goodness!! It is crazy what some people think!
It's sad now.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I knew one girl in high school (1994) who thought contraceptive jelly and grape jelly were interchangeable (would hate to know what her toast tasted like). She still ended up pregnant.
Oh come on...you are kidding, I hope. I have TASTED contraceptive jelly (a quick oral after application)...oh my, was it VILE tasting. YUK. Couldn't confuse it with GRAPE or any other flavor Jelly in a million years.
02/22/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
You said she want to private schools. Most private schools have a religious bend to them and preach abstinence...and we all know how well teenagers handle restraint when the immediate gratification is at hand.

This is why I'm a fan of teaching Sex Ed ANYWHERE. Parents or schools...doesn't matter.
02/22/2012
Contributor: wdanas wdanas
Whatever she honestly believes, I hope she's also getting tested for things other than pregnancy if she hooked up with a stranger at a party and didn't use protection.

I remember an older teen telling me (when I was about nine years old, so this was some years ago) that eating candy cigarettes after sex would prevent a baby. My mother heard that and was livid and set me straight. The really sad part was that teen believed it herself. So who knows in this girl's case!
02/22/2012
Contributor: underHim underHim
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
She said she heard it from her "friends". This is a college freshman, who went to an expensive college prep private school, and is a biology major!!!???!!!! This is what 18 and 19 year old's believe in 2012? Are you kidding me?
Have ... more
Wow I always thought people only said that as a joke!
02/24/2012
Contributor: hyacinthgirl hyacinthgirl
I've heard some girls who believed this. The whole 'There's something sacred about your first time' thing. I've read cases where girls believed this and had to buy diapers before sanitary pads.

It's sad, but not that uncommon. Even for a biology major, who just missed that her first time wasn't sacred and blessed.
02/24/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
People believe in wackier things (like standing up and spreading your legs after sex will prevent pregnancy) so it comes as no surprise that even a 19 year-old would think this.

This is why sex ed is so important. Come on, anyone old enough to get pregnant should at least be informed of the basics!
02/24/2012
Contributor: hyperballad hyperballad
I'm not surprised given the state of sex ed right now.
02/24/2012
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Some people just don't have that thirst for learning, even when it will help themselves.
02/24/2012
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
Yup. Another China rant.

Oh I have seen and heard it all.

Here? I've post graduate.... DOCTORS (oh yeah!! Doctors.) Who totally and utterly beleive it is impossible to get pregnant if you are not married.

This is only a "half" truth though. In China it is socially taboo to have a child out of wedlock. It is becoming a little more seen in the International cities though and women are choosing in these cities to not get married. But that is the big cities and totally a different way of life there. And a different culture.

Kids are taught that they cannot get pregnant if they are not married. If you change the word "cannot" to WILL NOT. It can be taken in a few different ways. Kids think that they just won't get pregnant if they have sex and are not married. They are not taught about condoms or safe sex here. And everything they know about sex is from hushed conversations or the internet. I mean... is everything you have read about sex on the internet true?

In Western countries, my sister said it best. If you are not planning for a child, you quite literally have to be dim witted to be with child. With all the options out there of pills, shots, condoms, lube with spermicide, female condoms and all the other options out there... you literally have to work at it to get pregnant.

Thankfully, at the college I work at, the admin had a meeting over the Spring Festival holiday and it was spoken of that my students had almost zero incidents of student-pregnancies since I began teaching them.

Chalk one up to education!!! And it's not abstinence I teach. I teach respect for your body and safe sex.
02/24/2012
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
Yup. Another China rant.

Oh I have seen and heard it all.

Here? I've post graduate.... DOCTORS (oh yeah!! Doctors.) Who totally and utterly beleive it is impossible to get pregnant if you are not married.

This is only a ... more
If no one else has said it, I will... THANK YOU.
Like you, I too am shocked at the ignorance of young people on this topic. Those of us who understand that, need to share this information. Especially with those who really should know but don't.
02/24/2012
Contributor: pinkpottergirl pinkpottergirl
I know people who believe all sort or crazy shit, and I'm a college junior. Like if you and a guy have sex twice in one day, you don't need a condom the second time.
03/24/2012