but if it's with (gender here) it doesn't count!

Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Bisexuality does not mean they have to be open. Both people in the relationship should have the same rules.
02/22/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or ... more
having a bisexual partner does not necessitate any level of openness
02/25/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think it all comes down to the people in the relationships. For somepeople, having openness works and helps, others it only does harm.
04/15/2012
Contributor: sleepyjeanne sleepyjeanne
I feel like any arrangement under the sun is ok as long as all parties involved are being honest and respectful. No harm, no foul. But I also have a problem with the reasoning that "______ doesn't count." Sounds like some sort of negation of identity or significance or something.
04/26/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Ugh, those kind of justifications really bother me... I don't have a problem with open relationships, but the habit of saying a whole gender group just "doesn't count" is really insulting and dismissive of many people's sexualities.

However, since I'm queer and in a polyamorous relationship, this has happily never come up. Sex with people of any gender "counts," but that also doesn't mean me or any of my partners are forbidden from doing it.
05/22/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I'm sure many of us, whether bisexual/pan/queer-ide ntified or not, have heard people make statements like the one in my subject line. A scenario: A bisexual woman is in an otherwise monogamous relationship with a straight man. HOWEVER one or ... more
I think it does count. If my girlfriend went out and had sex with a girl, I would consider it cheating.
05/22/2012
Contributor: britanny0620 britanny0620
I don't believe that it is required to have an open relationship (of any form) just because your partner is bisexual. If it is an agreement that you both come to, the terms should be negotiated and agreed upon and followed by both parties (even if the rules themselves are different for both parties).
05/30/2012
Contributor: SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
I don't think that an open relationship is necessary in a bisexual relationship. I'm bisexual and have been with one person for 5 years. I do think that if you choose the route of open relationship, it is a good idea to have identical rules for both parties (or whatever works for you).
05/30/2012
Contributor: spineyogurt spineyogurt
Id let my girlfriend sleep with other girls if I could watch
05/30/2012
Contributor: vitriolicvertigo vitriolicvertigo
You can be bi and monogamous, although it's not necessary. But what you do with your partner(s) and people outside of your relationship should be talked about with your partner(s) so that everyone is on the same page.
05/31/2012
Contributor: peachmarie peachmarie
This is a tough one, I am bi and my boyfriend is not. In a perfect world i would be allowed to go fool around with all the women i liked and he'd be perfectly fine with it and encourage me to do it with no hint of jealousy or resentment. But i don't live in that world and I'm pretty sure if my boyfriend found out i fooled around with a woman no matter how benign i thought it to be our relationship would be over. I think with a really special guy it would work, but i know if i opened up the door to allowing him to sleep with other women I'd get so jealous, so i in turn can't sleep with other women.
06/06/2012
Contributor: nori nori
I think it's different for each couple. If there are things a person needs/wants, than their (binary) significant other isn't providing them? I think there needs to be a level of openness to satisfying the needs that they can't fulfill.
06/10/2012
Contributor: cryinglightning86 cryinglightning86
This has always confused me. I am queer-identified, and I'm in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual man. We have not opted to be in an open relationship. I've had several people balk at the idea of me even looking at another man (I'm not blind, and I'm going to look), and same with him looking at other women. Our relationship is long-distance, and it seems that I've found other people more worried than I was about whether or not I was cheating with another man or my boyfriend was cheating with another woman.

That being said, when I started to come out as queer, I all of a sudden had several people almost urging me to experiment with women, almost as if it didn't count so long as it was with a woman. Frankly, I found this insulting. And, seeing as I am in a committed monogamous relationship with someone else, I would never cross the bounds of that relationship, no matter the situation.
07/13/2012
Contributor: hanjonatan hanjonatan
the whole "it doesn't count if it's with [other gender]" thing is such homophobic, sexist crap. we all know really pretty much always means "it doesn't count if it's gay" and is generally something straight men say about their bisexual female partners. because she's not really having sex, right, because she can only have real sex with men!
07/19/2012
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
It's the same either way for me. I'm bisexual but only open if my partner is.
07/19/2012
Contributor: Modern^Spank^Anthem Modern^Spank^Anthem
it counts
07/19/2012