For bisexuals: Have you ever felt unaccepted by both homosexuals and heterosexuals?

For bisexuals: Have you ever felt unaccepted by both homosexuals and heterosexuals?

Entropy Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or tell me that I'm just "confused".
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, I've felt unaccepted before. You're not alone in the universe, Entropy!
104
No, I've never felt that way before.
7
Other, please explain
2
Total votes: 113 (111 voters)
Poll is closed
12/29/2011
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Kkay Kkay
You're not alone. Bisexual erasure is a real thing that happens, and it sucks.

If I am in a relationship with a woman, people look at me and see a lesbian.

If I am in a relationship with a man, people look at me and see a heterosexual woman.

Neither of those will ever be accurate for me (especially as I'm genderqueer), but it's the way I'm perceived, and it's led to bias on both sides of the fence.
12/29/2011
K101 K101
Maybe it's just the people you hang around.
12/29/2011
MissAthena MissAthena
I feel your pain. Things like being told you're not part of the LGTB community or having bisexuality just seen as some kind of party trick. It's incredible frustrating. what I really hate is that when I'm in a relationship other people like to insist that since I'm with a man or woman that I'm simply straight or a lesbian. Try to explain the nuances of gender and bisexuality and then nobody wants to listen.
01/08/2012
aroarofthunder aroarofthunder
Yes, I absolutely feel like bisexual people (or homoflexible in my case) are disenfranchised. The LGBT community doesn't seem to want to acknowledge us; especially bisexual women. I understand that many lesbians who have dated bisexual women have had their egos crushed by those women leaving them for men or dating men after their relationship has ended, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be encompassed under the LGBT umbrella. That happens, but we have no sense of how often it happens, and certainly just because some women have doesn't mean all bisexual women will. It's especially frustrating because the LGBT community exists to serve the needs of a misunderstood and oppressed minority, which we are part of, but are ignored or belittled within.
01/16/2012
aroarofthunder aroarofthunder
Quote:
Originally posted by MissAthena
I feel your pain. Things like being told you're not part of the LGTB community or having bisexuality just seen as some kind of party trick. It's incredible frustrating. what I really hate is that when I'm in a relationship other people ...
MissAthena, I couldn't agree more. To your latter point, I believe that sexuality exists on a spectrum, but people don't seem to be willing to listen to that.
01/16/2012
lcl169 lcl169
Quote:
Originally posted by MissAthena
I feel your pain. Things like being told you're not part of the LGTB community or having bisexuality just seen as some kind of party trick. It's incredible frustrating. what I really hate is that when I'm in a relationship other people ...
Ugh I hate this.

My parents actually had the audacity to say, "Why don't you wait [to come out to the rest of the family] until you've made up your mind about who you're going to end up with..."
01/23/2012
HouseWench HouseWench
I've never felt this way, which is probably one of the most fortunate things I experienced. However, I grew up in the bible belt in a place where homo/bisexuality were equally vilified.
01/24/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ...
I often feel like I'm not accepted by the gay community if I say I'm bisexual. I've been told before that there is no such thing as being bisexual. Most people believe because I'm dating a man now that dating women was a phase for me, which is totally untrue.
02/04/2012
MimiPhryxus MimiPhryxus
I've been told numerous times I'm just a closeted lesbian or there have been suggestions that my marriage is a 'cover'. Strangely this mostly comes from the lesbian and gay people I know. I've argued with a few about this and was even reprimanded for 'spitting in the face of all the gay and lesbian men and woman have fought for'. It blew my mind and made me a little sad that someone who was such an advocate for the rights of other people to be themselves in their orientation but was so prejudice against by own choice.
02/28/2012
SexyRayne SexyRayne
I have felt very unaccepted, I have felt judged and alone many many times. But I know it is not true and there are plenty of us out there.
02/28/2012
pix pix
I have lost count of the times when someone has said to me, "I don't believe in being bisexual. It's not a real thing." A lot of these people were homosexual.
03/02/2012
J Peach J Peach
I get that a lot, too, but most of the heteros I know (mainly female) tend to think that bisexuals only date other women or act interested in other women for attention. There are girls that do that, but there's a really fine line between wanting attention and liking both sexes that a whole bunch of people tend to look over. A lot of homosexuals I know say that they don't think bisexuality exists, and in my experience, a lot of the lesbians around here really look down on bisexuals.
03/03/2012
TransMarc TransMarc
I've lived the "everybody is bisexual" kind of erasure, "pansexual is insulting to people's genders" (from a cisman who also believed non-binary folks don't experience (cis)sexism, so yeah) and stuffs, but not anything as violent as some here! Wow.
Also, heterosexuals thinking I somehow don't feel anymore attraction for women and others when being attracted to a man? :/
04/06/2012
TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think this is a very common experience. I think it mostly comes from ignorance, but maybe one day society will be able to move past it.
04/06/2012
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
Because I'm in a long term monogamous marriage, I've been told on multiple occasions that I'm either lying about being bisexual or lying that I don't cheat on my husband. It's offensive to me that bisexuals are viewed as being incapable of long term monogamy.
04/07/2012
Sex Positivity Sex Positivity
I get erased a lot. You're not alone.
04/07/2012
vegweg vegweg
Dear lord this is so true. I know I'm young (I haven't been 20 for all of two months yet), but that doesn't mean that identifying as bisexual is a stage. I dated both boys and girls in high school, occasionally both at once if both parties were aware of and okay with the arrangement. I briefly dated a very butch lesbian (she plays for a women's football league and can bench press me..and I'm by no means a small girl) at the end of my senior year and the summer after and I had friends, even within the gay community, who accused me of actually wanting to date a man without the risk of getting pregnant.

I had a lesbian friend who constantly asked me if I'd chosen a side yet and one day jokingly suggested I date someone who was transgendered instead of switching between males and females. That's what ended up happening a couple of months later and we've been happily together for just over a year and a half, but the relationship is not based on either of our sexualities or gender identities (I'm borderline genderqueer), but instead on our personalities and the mutual attraction, emotions, and commitment we feel towards each other.

Sexuality and gender are fluid, whether people like to admit that fact or not. I honestly think the biggest issue here is that we live in a society that likes things to be neatly categorized and as a result folks who bend the rules about sexual orientation or gender are pressured to choose one side or another or entirely ignored.
04/11/2012
sleepyjeanne sleepyjeanne
I've had less negative experiences this way than many other bi folks, but I definitely know what you're talking about. I've been told that bisexuals don't exist to my face (by a married woman who also sleeps with other women...internalized biphobia much?). A friend told me her mother said they were like unicorns that way, at which point I stuck my index finger on my head and poked her with it. I was even in a long term relationship with a woman when my mother once asked, "Are you sure you're not just a lesbian?" Yeah, so when I'm ogling half naked male True Blood characters, it's a really lezzy thing. *eye roll* And I feel like because I'm into more than one gender, I really belong to more than one community. I am lesbian and straight. No matter who I am with, I am both and more. The way I explain it to people is that I'm as attracted to appearances as much as the next person, it's just that genitalia are irrelevant.
04/26/2012
hyacinthgirl hyacinthgirl
I've watched a lot of my friends having to struggle with this - either being told that they need to pick a side, or that they're immature, or greedy, or going through a phase.

A dear friend of mine dumped a girlfriend she did really love over it. Her girlfriend kept insisting that my friend's previous marriage to a man and kids didn't count, and that she couldn't have any more contact with him, because she was a lesbian now. Her girlfriend actually told her that her marriage had just been an act of denial, because there are no bisexuals. My friend is now dating a man again, and apparently her ex has decided that their entire relationship was just my friend experimenting. It's such an insulting assumption.
04/27/2012
PDXlady PDXlady
I feel you, I'm in a long term heterosexual relationship so people just assume that I'm straight. I feel like my gay friends don't really count me as a part of their group.
05/02/2012
SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ...
I definitely know how you feel! A lot of people tell me I need to make up my mind, or I won't be bisexual if I settle down with a man or a woman. I've had some of my LGBT friends lump me in as a lesbian in our group of friends because they don't know how to handle it.
05/02/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
You're not alone. Bisexual erasure is a real thing that happens, and it sucks.

If I am in a relationship with a woman, people look at me and see a lesbian.

If I am in a relationship with a man, people look at me and see a ...
Agree to all of this - having people assume both my orientation and my gender based on who I'm with is frustrating and erasing.
05/23/2012
Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
Having dated within and beyond the binary gender spectrum, has left me feeling without support at times. It's unfortunate, but doesn't affect my decisions.
05/28/2012
SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
I am pansexual, but I have had gay people tell me they don't date anyone who dates both sexes due to the fact that someone else cheated on them with the opposite sex. It happens, but it also happens in strictly herto and homo relationships. I say love and let love.
05/30/2012
nori nori
My identity is invalidated by whomever I date.

If I'm with a man, i'm heterosexual.
If I'm with a woman, i'm a lesbian.
If I'm with someone who is queer, I'm queer/pan/omni/etc

when in reality, none of those words are how I describe myself.
06/21/2012
Falsepast Falsepast
I never revealed I am bi publicly, so yeah. Never had to deal with that.
06/21/2012
cricket cricket
Never gay enough, never straight enough
06/21/2012
quantumspork quantumspork
Definitely had a few experiences with erasure. When I came out to my mom and told her about my first girlfriend, she asked if I was completely gay, when we had both openly expressed attraction to a lot of the same male actors for eight years at that point.

Also, as a bi/pan person experimenting with poly, I'm in an odd position as far as the "bisexuals can't be monogamous" stereotype. If anyone has any thoughts on that I'd love to hear.
06/30/2012
Heatherbipoly Heatherbipoly
Quote:
Originally posted by nori
My identity is invalidated by whomever I date.

If I'm with a man, i'm heterosexual.
If I'm with a woman, i'm a lesbian.
If I'm with someone who is queer, I'm queer/pan/omni/etc

when in reality, none of those words are how I describe myself.
I feel the same way
07/03/2012
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Total posts: 58
Unique posters: 54