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My girlfriend has expressed interest in having a sexual experience with a woman. She has been talking off and on about it for over a year and a half, but she is not sure she really wants to have such an experience or just likes to think
My girlfriend has expressed interest in having a sexual experience with a woman. She has been talking off and on about it for over a year and a half, but she is not sure she really wants to have such an experience or just likes to think of it. Is there something I can do to either: (1) find someone to help her out, either to discuss things or (2) to find someone to fulfill her fantasy in real life, safely? Or am I just hearing things that aren't really there?
First off you need to talk to her very pointedly about what she is looking for EXACTLY. I know it seems like an easy thing...find a woman who is interested and then go for it. The thing is that is a fantasy, this never happens in real life.
Your second question embodies the othr question of IS there a way to do this safely...and the answer is no. Can you do it without risking her sexual health, of course you can. Can you do it without risking her emotional health? That's where the no comes into play. There are so many different issues at play here.
For instance: What if she thinks it's really YOUR fantasy that she be with another woman?
What if she actually finds that she prefers sex with a woman to sex with you? (While hardly likely believe me you WILL wonder this at some point in this adventure.)
Does she want you to be involved in the experience?
What if she says she wants to be alone with the woman?
Do you believe it is fair that she gets to play while you remain true to her only...provided that is the state of your relationship. Be honest about this one cause it will be a major pitfall if you aren't.
How will you handle that? Is it a deal breaker?
What if she hates the experience and you love it? (You can't unring the bell) On the other hand what if you hate the experience and she loves it?
How will you handle it if she says you can watch but not touch? (Most men think this will be amazing but some find that it makes them jealous and angry to see their partner enjoying themselves with another person regardless of gender.)
What will you do if she says she really wants a MMF experience? (When you open the door you will be surprised at what comes through...not all of it will be pleasant.)
How will you handle how your relationship changes after this experience...please trust me it WILL change. You need to be totally aware and open eyed to this fact before you look for a third person.
Speaking of that you need to also be aware that you are talking about a third PERSON not a fantasy or a concept. This person will have their own ideas and needs/wants/desires how will you accommodate them? (The best way is to be open and honest about your needs/wants/desires and communicate them BEFORE you engauge in any sexual encounter. Then you demand and recieve the same from this person.) All of this before you even begin looking for a third.
This is a complicated and intense subject even as simple as it seems. Many relationships have been irrepairably damaged by this fantasy.
On the upside this can be the most exciting and intimate thing you can do with a partner. It can create bonds of shared experience between you and your lovely girlfriend that can blossom into a lifetime of loving intimacy and adventure. The sex can be phenomenal, reliving it can be mind blowing. Swinging can be a truly loving thing that you share with her...and others. It can lead to an amazing polyamorous affair that can bring you joys I can't even begin to outline without hundreds of pages. If she is really interested in exploring bi sexuality then having you along for the ride can mean the world to her, and to you. Imagine it, you are the one who she felt confident enough to be her authentic self with!
Again though, I cannot stress it enough...you need to answer your last question FIRST! Are you reading too much into what she's saying? Is this just a fantasy she uses to get her juices flowing? Is she more content to leave it as just a fantasy? What is her real fantasy?
Then you have the problem that so many couples have...what you are looking for is the Hot Bi Babe (AKA Unicorn). They are a lovely mythical creature that may or may not really exist! You are looking for an unattached bi female who is comfotable playing with couples but not looking for any emotional attachment to them. If you find her, sing for joy but be warned that she is a rare commodity and probably won't be around in the morning....
Seriously though I wish you both luck, this is an exciting and potentially deadly minefield you are looking over. You are in the right place for all the accoutrements for successful roleplay and I would really really suggest you make use of it fully before involving a flesh and blood playmate. We have DVDs, costumes, toys that imitate a licking tongue, nipple suckers, pocket pussies to flesh out the fantasy of a full on threesome, massage oils (you know so you can pretend to be her girlfriend treating her to an erotic massage), stories and much much more. Before you go all out do the research and learn from some of our mistakes...your Lady is too precious to you to risk heartache heedlessly, isn't she?