i bring up my interest in BDSM very matter of factly with new partners, and early on. For me, it's part of who i am and it's something i need out of a sexual relationship and, frankly, if someone was totally unwilling to even try, i would need to move on because it just wouldn't work out. i try to be as honest and open about it as possible. It's something that should be discussed and communicated about and definitely NOT in the heat of the moment. i prefer a somewhat intimate moment where we are feeling close and connected because it's how i feel most comfortable bringing it up. i try to talk about it before the first time i have sex with someone because i feel like it's an issue of compatibility that needs to be addressed before we get too deeply involved. Not that i bring it up on a first date, but i try to make sure it comes up pretty early on. i think the important thing is to not act embarrassed or ashamed about it. If you act like it's something really "way out there" or weird or taboo then it won't be received as well as if you're just like "hey, this is something i'm into". Realize that it's not that freaky and that plenty of people are into bondage and much more. i think almost everyone has at least a little interest in something that could be considered kink. i think it's rare to find someone who doesn't, actually. Be honest about what you're into, be thorough and straightforward in explaining it, be confident about it, and be very clear about the importance of these activities for you. It's important to let your partners know whether this is something you could take or leave or if it's something that is vital to your sexual fulfillment and satisfaction or if it's somewhere in between. Really, just be honest and upfront and, i think most importantly, be honest with yourself about your needs and whether they are compatible with the person you're dealing with.