The New Intimacy

The Sexuality Spectrum - Where do you fall?

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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
There have been theories presented that sexuality is not a straight/gay or even a straight/gay/bisexual arena. That instead, there is a spectrum that everyone falls into, with either every person being at least partially homosexual and heterosexual, or (it has been presented by more than one person, and from more than one point of view) that very few people fall into the completely heterosexual or completely homosexual ends of the spectrum, with the vast majority of the population falling somewhere in between. These theories also suggest that most people that identify as bisexual do not fall exactly at 50/50, but 90/10 or 75/25, etc.

Do you think this is true? If so, where do you think you fall?

I personally have considered this theory among several others, but I'm still not sure what I think. I do think it makes sense but it also leaves out entirely the theory of pansexuality and those attracted to the transgendered and intersexed populations. I'm curious to see what the EF community thinks and if anyone has anything to add to the discussion that I may not have considered.
08/14/2010
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Contributor: Sir Sir
I tell people that I am straight, but I am actually pansexual. I do like feminine personalities, though, in individuals. Feminine, submissive personalities. The exterior, however, isn't what matters to me. It's the inside that matters.

So where do I fall? I am pansexual. Not bisexual. Pansexual.
08/14/2010
Contributor: Waterfall Waterfall
I consider myself to be bisexual, but I do not think I fall into the 50/50 category. I would say I am 70/30. I have actually used this to describe myself to people in the past, so to me this makes sense.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I tell people that I am straight, but I am actually pansexual. I do like feminine personalities, though, in individuals. Feminine, submissive personalities. The exterior, however, isn't what matters to me. It's the inside that ... more
@Sir- Pansexual is what I generally identify as if I don't feel like explaining myself further or to those that might not understand or respond well to my lack of labeled sexuality. My issue with the term pansexual is that while it is defined as being attracted to people despite gender or gender identity, I have also seen it used as those attracted to males, females, and transexuals. Now, while I am attracted to those both physically male and female with no real preference either way, and have experience with both, I have no sexual or relationship experience with the trans population. I have no aversion to them, and have experienced attraction online and in media situations - but no actual intimacy. This makes me cautious to use the term, so I do like to just refer to myself as 'sexual' and cut out all the prefixes when I'm around people that will accept that.
08/15/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Just pretty straight. I can appreciate the beauty and contours of a woman, but never really had the desire to have sex with one. Everybody is wired differently, and sometimes I feel almost inferior, for not having had bicurious experiences. But, if you don't really desire it, there's no reason to make yourself do it. I've had the offers but never felt the desire.

The occasional fantasy may drift through my mind, but the majority of my lust and thinking is Men Men Men Men Men Men Men Men. *sigh*

I can't change who I am. It used to bother me. It doesn't anymore, because I'm being true to myself.

I think that is what people should do. Be true to who attracts them in all ways.
.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
I'd say I'm probably like 70% for men/30% for women. I like dating males much more, but I'm still attracted to females sexually.
08/15/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
I would probably say 90 men/10 women or even 85 men/15 women. I'm not bisexual, but have been with one woman in my life, so I guess I couldn't consider myself 100 percent straight.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
I think Kinsey was one of the first to describe sexuality as a spectrum, rather than clear cut black and white preferences. Here is a link describing his scale link. Klein further expanded on this idea by incorporating preferences over time link.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
I think Kinsey was one of the first to describe sexuality as a spectrum, rather than clear cut black and white preferences. Here is a link describing his scale link. Klein further expanded on this idea by incorporating preferences over time link. ... more
Thanks Kindred I knew that Kinsey had been the one to initially publicly introduce the idea, but there have been so many theories based on it and so many offshoots that it's difficult to even choose one to start with.
08/15/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
I think Kinsey was one of the first to describe sexuality as a spectrum, rather than clear cut black and white preferences. Here is a link describing his scale link. Klein further expanded on this idea by incorporating preferences over time link. ... more
Thanks, Kindred! I was going to go look up Kinsey's spectrum, and post it, but you saved me the trouble.

He's an interesting man to research, in all ways.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Andromeda Andromeda
According to Klein I'd be 90% men/ 10% women, but I'd say it's more like 95% / 5% or even 98% / 2%. Many people have tried to get me to have a bisexual experience, and I've thought about it, and every now and then I find a woman very attractive. I've had the occasional fantasy, but I wouldn't act on them because I'm really not that pushed to act on it and there's really no point, for me at least. If I ever did have a lesbian encounter, it would only be so I could say I've had one, not because I genuinely had feelings for that person. I'm emotionally attracted to men only.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
I identified as pansexual for a while, but nowadays, I'm just "eh". I like what I like and evaluate potential partners on a case-by-case basis. People understand that better than pansexual (I usually get asked "what does that mean?"). Of course, I'm in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend right now, and have been for the past 2+ years, so I don't look around as much as I did when I was single, either.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
I've always that I was bi but never got the chance to find out until about 2 months ago. I finally got to hook up with another girl and it was great! I do have a boyfriend, of 3.5 years and he is the only person I have feelings for though. I don't think I could ever have deep feelings for a woman even if I were single. for me it is just a friendship and sexual connection, nothing else. As far as men go aside from my boyfriend, I find I'm very picky about who I'm attracted to.. I very well may be more sexually attracted to women than men in general terms, but I couldn't say what the percentages would be, as I haven't had enough experiences with women to determine that.
08/15/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
There have been theories presented that sexuality is not a straight/gay or even a straight/gay/bisexual arena. That instead, there is a spectrum that everyone falls into, with either every person being at least partially homosexual and heterosexual, ... more
I think you fall in love and or lust with whom ever you fall in love or lust with regardless of gender but each person has preferences. I prefer slender, strong willed women where both my guys prefer Rubenesque women who are comfortable with themselves and are strong willed. I prefer light eyed and light haired tall men with slavic backgrounds who are forceful and aren't afraid to try to get their own way. My guys won't admit to any male preferences...

I am not totally bisexual as I will always choose a guy over a girl and I tend to be a bit territorial with other women. But I have loved some beautiful amazing women in my life. I love a female body, the way it moves, looks, smells you name it. I like having a girlfriend but I don't crave it, or really miss it except for the conversation.

I am totally 100% man crazy though, I love a man's body everything about it. I love the way a man moves, speaks, sits, hell even clears his throat!

I'd say I'm 75% straight, and 25% bisexual...I have never been happy in a straight lesbian relationship...I crave a man's touch too much.
08/15/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
I'm inclined to agree that sexuality is on a spectrum, but I'd also say that it's not stagnant. My desires have waxed and waned as the years pass, and I find myself more or less open to ideas as I go along. My sexuality is fluid, so I'm lesbian, straight, bisexual, queer, pansexual, transsensual or... Who knows what I'll be tomorrow.

I tend to date those who do not fall into gender confines, though, I don't know where I'd fall on the scale. Many of my female bodied lovers have identified as men, so that screws up *my* scale...
08/15/2010
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
@Sir- Pansexual is what I generally identify as if I don't feel like explaining myself further or to those that might not understand or respond well to my lack of labeled sexuality. My issue with the term pansexual is that while it is defined as ... more
I understand your reasoning. Pansexual does include transgendered individuals, that IS the meaning of the term. Attraction to a person not based on gender or gender identity, which does indeed include transgendered individuals, does it not? Transgendered people are not a third gender, they are on the gender spectrum as well. Third gender is something completely different.

I also actually use the term "open-minded," as opposed to pansexual.
08/16/2010
Contributor: GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
There have been theories presented that sexuality is not a straight/gay or even a straight/gay/bisexual arena. That instead, there is a spectrum that everyone falls into, with either every person being at least partially homosexual and heterosexual, ... more
I think it's spot on. I've mentioned it to my husband a few times and he was pretty appalled, but I pointed out that sexuality can be as simple as thinking another person is attractive. So far as I'm concerned, even the ability to see a person of the same gender as attractive (to yourself or to the opposite gender) is just a wee touch homosexual. Then again, it's just my opinion.
08/16/2010
Contributor: GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I think you fall in love and or lust with whom ever you fall in love or lust with regardless of gender but each person has preferences. I prefer slender, strong willed women where both my guys prefer Rubenesque women who are comfortable with ... more
That's more or less how I feel. Women are attractive, but female personalities drive me up the walls. I don't like conversation, I don't want cuddling. I want a man, darn it, with all those issues. At least they don't PMS
08/16/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
I can not imagine my life w/o a man, and everything about a guys body. I do have a sexual relationship w another woman and who joins me and my b/f at times. The feelings are different but I could not have an exclusive relationship with her and she also has a b/f. (He has never joined us).
I am in love with my b/f and so want to get married in about 2 years and start a family.
08/16/2010
Contributor: Taylor Violet LXIX Taylor Violet LXIX
I think I'm 55-60% leaning more towards women, but I identify most closely with pansexualism.

I just love women.

Men are great too, but I'm extremely attracted to women
08/16/2010
Contributor: Kinkyquing Kinkyquing
I definitely identify as pansexual, given my love for trans people and genderfuckers in general, though I lean more towards people on the feminine side (and I have yet to be in any kind of intimate situation with a man). In casual conversation with people not used to that term, I am likely to identify as bisexual if I don't want to get into a long conversation.
08/17/2010
Contributor: joja joja
I had a lot of confusion about whether I should call myself straight or bi before I discovered the Kinsey scale. Since I'm attracted about 93% to men and 7% women, I usually just stick with "heteroflexible."

Pansexual works as well, as I'm often attracted to trans-men, masculine women, crossdressers, etc.
08/17/2010
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
I am polysexual. I want to use the word "queer" but I am still not sure that is the best term for me.

Something about "pansexual" is not a good fit for me. Asher Bauer wrote in this article, "And declaring myself “pansexual” seems a trifle ambitious, as well as untrue, since I am hardly attracted to all genders. There are some people whose identity and presentation I simply do not find attractive or compatible with my own." That resonated with me.

I don't mean to imply non-monogamy with "polysexual" even though at this point in my life, I am non-monogamous. The two concepts (sexuality and relationship structure) are separate.
08/17/2010
Contributor: gone77 gone77
I tend to identify as bisexual, but I'm definitely far more attracted to men. Although there are exceptions, I tend to be attracted to cis males and females. As I get older I'm starting to think of myself more as "heteroflexible."
08/17/2010
Contributor: Polyserena Polyserena
I guess if I was talking about attraction only I'd say I'm 4 on a kinsey scale, but I think I like being in relationships with guys. I can't put my finger on why.
09/10/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
I am 100% straight but I love fem boys. I mean acting fem, not dressing in drag or anything. And I am not attracted to females at all.
09/10/2010
Contributor: paralax paralax
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
There have been theories presented that sexuality is not a straight/gay or even a straight/gay/bisexual arena. That instead, there is a spectrum that everyone falls into, with either every person being at least partially homosexual and heterosexual, ... more
i can see there being a spectrum. i have always been attracted to both male and female, but have had a majority of male partners. in fact really only 1 female partner. so in my head i am 50/50 attracted but in experiance im like 99/1.
i guess its how you look at it.
09/11/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
There have been theories presented that sexuality is not a straight/gay or even a straight/gay/bisexual arena. That instead, there is a spectrum that everyone falls into, with either every person being at least partially homosexual and heterosexual, ... more
I'm attracted to feminine appearances, and slightly macho personalities. Basically I like "girlie with a swagger" that said, I don't really care what sex someone is, as long as they're pretty and kinda "bad-ass" I tend to prefer to have relationships with women, and only casual encounters with men. I'm also much more attracted to women, and there are many more women I'm attracted to.
09/18/2010
Contributor: Maitreya Maitreya
For me, my levels of attraction for both genders has varied over time. It used to be 90/10 in favor of men until I got to high school and it got to be more 70/30 in favor of women. Now, in experience and attraction, I've found that I've actually leveled out to around 50/50.
I often find that it's looks (let's face it- we all make first impressions based on looks) and later personality that matter more to me than gender.
10/27/2010
Contributor: darkkitty darkkitty
50/50 men and women
12/08/2010