Virginity - losing it?

Contributor: MoonFlowered MoonFlowered
Quote:
Originally posted by Phoenix77
I think it's a matter of her definition more then any of ours. If she still thinks of herself as a virgin, then she is, no matter what she's done before, and it's up to her what is going to "take" it.
I agree. It seems to me she has something particular stuck in her mind. Maybe an ideal placed there from a fairytale while a child?

For me there are many types of sex and each has its own special place. Sometimes a hand-job can be great, sometimes you need a soft wet tongue, sometimes it's a cock... When I think about it there is a first time for everything. First time with a strap-on would be different than a first time with a cock, same with giving or receiving oral sex.

I like what Miss Alice said though:
"Sex is You + Someone else + A goal of achieving climax."
04/21/2010
Contributor: AU AU
A woman who has had a non-penetrating experience with another woman might not feel she's a virgin. A girl who has used a dildo but has never been penetrated by a penis might consider herself a virgin. A person whose hymen was torn by bike riding might not appear to be a virgin by someone else. I think a character in The Sad Tale of The Brothers Grossbart said something like "It's a spiritual thing". I think we all decide for ourselves. There are now so many interpretations of virgin.
07/17/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Bellastorme
IMO virginity is the medical stand point, it is the clearest point so its what I go by. It is when ANYTHING brakes the hymen not just a penis or toy. It can be broken from a tampon or even sports. Once the hymen is broke medically she is no longer a ... more
I'm sorry, that ISN'T TRUE! Medicine DOESN'T define virginity at all, and certainly NOT this way!

Some girls have thick hymens, some have "imperforate" hymens, (no opening or only a pin hole opening) which then have to be surgically "broken" so they can Menstruate properly (they do this at about 12 years of age, if they know about it) and, the girl is still considered "a virgin." Some women have tight hymens, and have to use graduated "pessaries" (which is a nice, medicalized word for Dildos) in increasing size, so she can accept a penis or regular toy without pain. BUT, she is still a "virgin" even when she is using the largest pessary and is comfortable.

Some women have NO discernible hymen, at ALL, and they weren't BORN "non-virgins." Some women have hymens which stretch easily to manual manipulation. My Man stretched mine, with manual play, and there was no evidence of it at all when I finally "lost" my virginity" and had PIV sex for the first time, with him, months later.

Medical science DOES NOT define "Virginity" because it is more a state of mind and has nothing to do with "hymens."

Sorry, being a nurse, and working in Maternal Infant Care and seeing more vaginas than most people have in a lifetime I just had to say something.

I can't define "Virgin" and like Chili, I'm beginning to hate the word.

However, I think a sexual act, with some penetration with an other person is probably the closest to how I feel about the term. And I hate the word "LOSE" IMO, you are gaining a sex life, not losing much of anything.
07/27/2010
Contributor: latergator23 latergator23
I voted as unsure, because a person can definitely lose their virginity without actually being penetrated. I agree that it really depends on how romantic a person is and what the situation is like. I also agree that you lose your virginity to the person, not the device.
08/02/2010
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
I feel like she would really have to define what 'virginity' meant for herself; we all have differing ideas and opinions, and what's most important is what it means to us.
08/04/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Oral counts, cucumbers count, strap ons count, if it feels like sex to the people involved, it's sex.
09/18/2010
Contributor: Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
I guess it would depend on the two people, their views, their emotions.
09/25/2010
Contributor: chaos4fun chaos4fun
I feel like it really depends on whether your friends considers virginity is. And her definition might make all the difference.
10/13/2010
Contributor: beautifulpierced beautifulpierced
if it breaks the hymen its loosing the V
10/18/2010
Contributor: Pablo F Lleras Pablo F Lleras
hey my girlfriend and are about to be married and we want advise on what toys we should use , we are both virgins and have only foerplay expirience, anyone have any advise for us? positions toys creams videos anything for beginers
10/18/2010
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
I think that the most important thing is that you care about her. After all this is what she has told you she is looking for. I would consider it losing her virginity, I don't think it matters to her that it is not lost in the traditional sense, which is by penetration with a penis. I think that if you both care about each other, and she is happy then you wont ruin anything for her. She will appreciate the experience for what it is and not what it isn't
10/26/2010
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by beautifulpierced
if it breaks the hymen its loosing the V
Well in that case I lost mine walking down the hall in an nursing home.
10/26/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by beautifulpierced
if it breaks the hymen its loosing the V
Not necessarily. I didn't have a hymen to lose or break when I had PIV sex for the first time. I didn't consider either the bicycle I rode as a kid nor My Man's hand to be a cherry popper. Although, one or the other either stretched or actually broke my hymen. OR I may have just been born with very little hymen. Some women are. I don't ever remember bleeding or having pain with any activity in that area, either before I had PIV sex for the first time or after.

Also, lots of things can break, rip, tear or stretch hymens and most would not consider them virginity breakers. Some women have such "imperforate hymens" that even a tampon, if roughly shoved in, could cause a tear in their hymen. In NO situation is tampon use equated with virginity loss. Nor an accident with a horse saddle or a bicycle seat.

In most situations, at least medically, the hymen is of little consequence. (Unless it presents health problems like preventing menstrual flow, or being so thick or imperforate; no hole or slit or only very small ones, that it prevents penetration does Medicine even deal with the concept of a Hymen.) But, Medicine doesn't actually define "virginity" anyway, so it's kind of a moot point.
10/27/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
I dislike the term virgin. Too much crap weighs on it because of society. I lost my virginity to the first phallic object I threw inside myself, which happened to be a vibrator. I got one at an early age. I also fucked my first guy at 18. I didn't feel like a virgin and didn't act like one, I didn't have a "naive" mindset either.
11/10/2010
Contributor: sbon sbon
I tend to think "virginity" is a social construct that doesn't mean much. I know what I've done and what I haven't done and what I want to do and that's all that really matters to me. Who cares if someone thinks I am a virgin or if I'm not a virgin? But really, she is going to have to figure out for herself what "virginity" means to her. The only thing I would advise is that she not do anything until she is sure she is 100% comfortable with it and ready for it.
11/11/2010
Contributor: kermi91 kermi91
I think it really depends on the individual and how they view it. Technically, you could consider ANY form of penetration as losing your virginity. But wait, it's called oral SEX for a reason, right? And if sex requires a penis (a real one) then no 100%, never been with a man lesbian has ever lost their virginity.

I, personally, choose to define sex as any act engaged with the intent of orgasm. I specifically include intent because, let's face it, not every round is going to get you off, but doesn't mean you can discredit it as not being sex. So in that respect, losing your virginity is any experience that was engaged with the intent of climaxing--whether it be with a penis, a strap-on, fingers, vibrators, oral, etc.

That's just my opinion on it though.
11/18/2010
Contributor: lemony lemony
Quote:
Originally posted by sbon
I tend to think "virginity" is a social construct that doesn't mean much. I know what I've done and what I haven't done and what I want to do and that's all that really matters to me. Who cares if someone thinks I am a ... more
I agree with sbon. I look at it as this overly sensationalized idea that people cling to.
11/26/2010
Contributor: Eliza Eliza
You almost sound like you could be my ex-girlfriend talking about me a few years ago. In my opinion, you lose your virginity when you make love with someone, regardless of whether or not penetration happens. I haven't ever had sex with a man or used a strap on, but I don't consider myself a virgin at all. Years later, I'm still curious about having sex with a man, but I'm in a committed relationship with a woman and we've finally decided to "take the plunge" and try a strap on.

If your friend/girlfriend is more worried about losing her virginity than she is about being penetrated by a man, I'd say she'd be lucky to have her first time with you. If she's still worried about it "not counting" because you're not a guy, maybe she'll be comforted that she still has her Gold Star (in case you're not familiar, a Gold Star is a person who's never had sex with someone of the opposite sex).
12/03/2010
Contributor: TheNuTz TheNuTz
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
The backstory:
One of my friends is a virgin, and ready for the world of sex. She wants to lose it to someone who cares about her, wants it to be special, and generally just doesn't want to get taken advantage of. Since she's been straight ... more
Umm if she bleeds then shes out of the nun asylum.
12/16/2010
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
hope it all works out
01/01/2011
Contributor: darkerthought7 darkerthought7
First off, virginity is merely a construct. The rules of what counts as a "virgin" depend on the person. It's not a cut and dry concept. However, my personal view is that virginity is "abstaining from sexual conduct of any kind." This can include everything from penetration to oral sex.
01/09/2011
Contributor: sweet seduction sweet seduction
I personally wouldnt consider it losing your virginity if it was a toy
01/15/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
With a strap-on? It's for sure devirginization. I would give that title to acts a lot less... penetrative than that even
01/25/2011
Contributor: zeebot zeebot
Personally, I consider orgasming loosing your virginity. But it's a pretty gray area.
01/25/2011
Contributor: idunshire idunshire
Quote:
Originally posted by Madeira
Oral counts, cucumbers count, strap ons count, if it feels like sex to the people involved, it's sex.
THIS. Exactly. If it feels like sex, then HELLOO~

It's all about personal definitions. There are dozens of 'first times' for a person.
01/26/2011
Contributor: UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
I voted unsure. Your friend obviously wants to know what it feels like to be penetrated and is just confused on who she would like to be the person to penetrate her. I think if you were to penetrate with a strap on it could be consider as her loosing her virginity being that she has not been enter by anyone or thing before. And if it were to be you it does sound like you would be making love to her, in the future she could tell her future bf when the time was rite that though she had sex before she never been penetrated by a real penis.
02/22/2011
Contributor: RemusHalifax RemusHalifax
I'd say that between men and women it's when the penis enters the vagina. Me and my boyfriend play around all the time with fingers, tongues, toys... I still consider myself a virgin, though. Virginal? Maybe not. I won't pretend to be innocent and untouched, but I won't say I've lost my virginity until I've actually had intercourse.
03/02/2011
Contributor: cobiffle cobiffle
She will just be losing the woman virginity and thats it
03/07/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
None of these express my opinion on that. A person losing their virginity is with one or more partners, no penetration needed whatsoever. Sex can be done in many ways, not just with penetration of something coming off of the pelvis. For me, ... more
That's pretty much how I see it too. Losing your virginity is done with someone else, I guess for me it's a sex act with another person and not just by yourself.
03/12/2011
Contributor: ChicaPrize ChicaPrize
Depends on her feelings towards the person be it with a strap on or a penis.
03/18/2011