The New Intimacy

How out are you?

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Contributor: carenautilus carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I run into assholes occasionally.

How many people are you out to? When do people usually find out you're gay/bi/queer etc.?
08/24/2011
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Contributor: Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
I'm out to my parents, tough they don't believe me. Since the only time my sexuality shows itself is when I moon over somebody who doesn't even know I'm alive, the issue is moot.
I'm out to my bi/les friends. I invite back everyone on FB who knows me and I'm not shy about liking LBGT activist sites.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Ace <3 Ace <3
About half of my family and friends know. The ones that are around me the most and know my girlfriend all know that I'm bisexual. I don't tell everyone I'm acquainted with that I am gay because the area I live in is VERY conservative. But the people who matter the most should be okay with whoever you choose to be with.
08/24/2011
Contributor: LuciFaery LuciFaery
I can't say I'm totally out, even though I feel that way. When I was 15, I was out to my family, but after that relationship ended, I was TOLD it was a phase and it was over now. I just rolled my eyes and said 'yeah sure, whatever'. Needless to say, it's not a phase and I've not brought up the subject again with my family. I figure when I find someone, I'll deal with telling them, but I don't really feel like starting that mess without a reason. The thing that sucks most about my family is they aren't homophobic, they're just...of those that believe it's okay to be gay for everyone but me.
08/25/2011
Contributor: carenautilus carenautilus
Quote:
Originally posted by Ace <3
About half of my family and friends know. The ones that are around me the most and know my girlfriend all know that I'm bisexual. I don't tell everyone I'm acquainted with that I am gay because the area I live in is VERY conservative. But ... more
I grew up in a place like that, and it was a long time before I felt safe being openly queer. I'm glad the people who matter to you are cool!
08/25/2011
Contributor: carenautilus carenautilus
Quote:
Originally posted by LuciFaery
I can't say I'm totally out, even though I feel that way. When I was 15, I was out to my family, but after that relationship ended, I was TOLD it was a phase and it was over now. I just rolled my eyes and said 'yeah sure, whatever'. ... more
I'm sorry you family is being so un-supportive, that's awful. Is the area you live relatively LGBT friendly? Because if it is, I'd try to surround yourself with more supportive friends.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Gingy Gingy
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
Im out with pretty much everyone and am pretty obvious. Like you there are the occasional douches who have to make a big deal but its ok I can be as much of an ass hole back.
My partner on the other hand is barely out and this has caused some problems with us. I came out when i was 15ish and am now 34 so it is a bit hard stepping back into that closet for her sometimes.
08/25/2011
Contributor: CherryDyke CherryDyke
I'm kind of what I would call "passively out" I'll tell people when they ask. I don't deny it. I've started the conversation with a handful of people, but don't bring it up after that unless it comes up organically.
08/27/2011
Contributor: monkeylover621 monkeylover621
Totally. Parents know, grandparents, relatives, friends, classmates, etc. I don't have a flag saying "Gay Here" but I am just comfortable voicing out who I am especially when asked.
08/31/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
I think I've always known... but I was never out. In fact, from ages 19-21, I was quite the penis pal :-/ But I never enjoyed it and it was never fulfilling. And for the last 3 years I've been questioning and always thought that maybe I was just bisexual.

Then I met my girlfriend. I more or less came out as a bisexual girl about this time last year. And in February of this year, I came out totally when she and I got together. It was a shock to my parents as they live states away. They are okay as long as I'm happy, but I do not think that they are totally okay with me being a lesbian.
09/07/2011
Contributor: mizzmilla mizzmilla
I came out to my parents two weeks after my first girlfriend (at 19) and I started dating. I came out to my siblings and friends during the first two weeks. I've never really been one to hid many things, especially about who I am as a person so.. I figured anyone who reacted badly would either get over it or get out of my life.
09/08/2011
Contributor: midnightcaresses midnightcaresses
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
Just one and I still have doubts. I don't think I've quite accepted it myself. Sometimes I feel like some of my friends know it better than I'll ever accept it at this point in my life.
02/16/2012
Contributor: PeachieClean PeachieClean
I was never really "in" in the first place... When I was 8 I told my mom that I thought I was a lesbian, later realized that I like boys too and have just kind of been ever since. It seems a bit obvious with the way I act, but if people ask I'm honest. =]
02/16/2012
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
I don't advertise my bisexuality. But if it somehow comes up I tell people freely. The exception is members of my family. My sister is the only one of them who knows. And as long as I'm dating a boy it's not really an issue.
02/16/2012
Contributor: PirateofPenance PirateofPenance
My immediate family and certain members of my enormous extended family know--I've never gone out of my way to hide it and I think I was one of those kids who displayed a lot of super-stereotypical queer markers anyway (softball and raging feminism and professed horror of puberty and on and on). I haven't come out to the entire family because it doesn't feel necessary yet... though I suppose if I got engaged to a woman or something, I might have to let them know!

School is a different story, though. I feel like I'm coming out here all the time, because I'm sorta femme-y (long hair and frilly dresses, even though I stomp around in dykey boots!) and people have to know that I'm queer if I ever want to get laid in my life.

Gee, that was a novel.
02/29/2012
Contributor: butts butts
I live in a very liberal part of the USA, I'm 99% out (some family members don't know) with even my whole college and workplace knowing. I've never had a problem with it except some family issues.
02/29/2012
Contributor: rlodge rlodge
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
I came out as a lesbian to my friends at 14, my family at 18. I am now 21 and that is pretty much how everyone sees me, however I am starting to realize that I really identify as transgender, so in that respect I am out to a few close friends and my partner, but I'm finding it a lot harder to talk about with others than coming out as a lesbian.
02/29/2012
Contributor: phantomsgurl92 phantomsgurl92
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
I'm out to everyone, and I don't see the point in denying it at all. I don't announce it all the time, but after talking to me for a while it just becomes obvious. I've had some people ask me directly, and I always tell them the truth. Even my super conservative grandparents know and surprisingly they're okay with it.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Sam I Am Sam I Am
I'm out to everyone about my sexuality. Pretty much everyone accepts it other than my mother. After a decade of being out she still thinks it's just a phase and thinks I should just suck it up and marry a guy to "save myself the trouble." I'm out to my friends in my college as genderqueer, and most of my high school friends I'm still close with, however I'm not really out to any of my family yet other than my brother, although that's going to change this summer. I tried to come out to my parents over spring break as genderqueer and they got really pissed and ignored it and acted like I never said anything >.> I surround myself with pretty open minded people as it is, so I haven't had *too* much trouble with being accepted. The most trouble I've had is my friends from high school who knew me as a girl; some of them have flat out said "I know you as a girl and you will always be a girl, even if you decide you want to fully transition to being a guy." It is what it is.
03/20/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Out to everyone but some extended family.
03/24/2012
Contributor: Caus Caus
I don't really know how 'out' I am. I don't bother talking about my sexual orientation to my family/coworkers since I feel like I don't owe them that or it's any of their business. I just date whoever and keep to myself. As far as friends go, they're well aware of how I am and I've never felt the need to formally 'come out.'
03/28/2012
Contributor: Voir Voir
Quote:
Originally posted by Caus
I don't really know how 'out' I am. I don't bother talking about my sexual orientation to my family/coworkers since I feel like I don't owe them that or it's any of their business. I just date whoever and keep to myself. As ... more
^ that pretty much exactly. Heh I don't really care what people think or perceive so I just kinda do my own thing. You'd be surprised how many people don't say anything about it b/c (according to a friend of mine) "nothing I do surprises them" they just take it in stride. Friends anyway. It's not really something I'm interested or care to talk to my family about =o= b/c it's not a big deal
03/28/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
i dont really feel the need to 'come out' until i'm actually ready to date somebody
03/28/2012
Contributor: SouthernBelle SouthernBelle
I'm fairly out. My family knows, all my close friends know, and a bunch of strangers I think won't mind know. I only hide it from people I think would react poorly.
06/15/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
i really dgaf. i guess people will decide to label me based on who i date but i don't really care about labels at all. and i generally don't talk to people about things, so.
06/15/2012
Contributor: ginainohio ginainohio
it was later in my adult life
06/24/2012
Contributor: sodapin sodapin
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I came out at seventeen, but it would be a while before I was comfortable enough to tell all of my family. I finally got to a point where pretty much everyone I know at all well knows I'm queer. It's nice to feel so free, but it does mean I ... more
I was out at 17 as well, but no one really took me seriously lol so I'm basically not out to anyone.
06/25/2012
Contributor: sexykiss sexykiss
everyone knows i live with my gf my family is okay with it now, but when i was 17 my mom found out kicked me out of the house i had to move in with my grandma. shes fine with it now and loves my gf
06/25/2012
Contributor: marshmallow marshmallow
out to pretty much everyone but my dad. we don't have a great relationship, so i feel like it's not that necessary that he knows.
06/26/2012
Contributor: carenautilus carenautilus
Quote:
Originally posted by marshmallow
out to pretty much everyone but my dad. we don't have a great relationship, so i feel like it's not that necessary that he knows.
Yeah, I understand. It's so tough when your family isn't supportive. You do what makes you safe and happy!
06/26/2012