The New Intimacy

Kids being gay

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I simply mean that isn't your body just starting puberty? Kids can get turned on at almost anything! I used to get aroused with females at that age, but here I am married to a man and I am not or was not ever bisexual. I was just a kid and I was exploring. Am I right?

Answer below by voting and explaining in comments. Let's keep this peaceful as I mean no trouble at all. I have several lesbian, gay, bisexual, and even transgendered friends.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I think children can be gay/bi/etc.
225  (82%)
I don't think children can be gay/bi/etc.
9  (3%)
I knew I was gay at a young age
27  (10%)
I didn't know I was gay until a later age (around 18 or older)
4  (1%)
Other (explain)
8  (3%)
Total votes: 273
Poll is closed
12/10/2011
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Contributor: toxie m toxie m
I was interested in boys starting in grade 2. I'm still interested in boys. I don't see why gay folk wouldn't start having crushes just as early, on the gender that they grow up continuing to be interested in.
12/10/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
I was interested in boys starting in grade 2. I'm still interested in boys. I don't see why gay folk wouldn't start having crushes just as early, on the gender that they grow up continuing to be interested in.
Exactly. A girl might start having crushes on girls and not even realize that it isn't the 'norm' for her to feel that way at that time.
12/10/2011
Contributor: nori nori
I knew when I hit puberty. I was about thirteen? I think it could happen to kids younger, too.
12/10/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
well, I knew I was sexually attracted to women when I was about 3 or 4. I would love to look at the JC Penney mags and just stare at the ladies in the lingerie section. I remember feeling slightly aroused actually lol

I became attracted to the male gender when I was about 5. I didn't think about sex per se, but my thoughts were highly sexual in nature. So, um, if we're going to use my case as an example, then yeah, I can definitely see how kids can know they're gay when they're young. It's not that different from hetero children, they're just attracted to their own gender instead of the opposite one.
12/10/2011
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
I think what people often overlook is that sexuality can change, and that's okay.

Some people change, some don't. There are plenty of people who knew BEFORE puberty that they were "gay". There are people who do genuinely go through "phases" before, during, and after puberty.

You can certainly realise you have attraction to the same sex at 12 or 13. Will it last forever ? Only time will tell. Certainly, don't write it off as "just a phase" - but the likelihood is just the same as being straight or whatever is.

I "realised" I when I was 9. Things have changed a bit since then, but even at that age, I was able to identify such feelings.
12/10/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I was attracted to both sexes when I was six. /shrug
12/10/2011
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
I had my first major crush when I was in third grade--does the gender of the person on whom I crushed really matter? Anyway, it was a woman and I've been a big old dyke ever since.
12/10/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
I really have no idea, but have wondered a lot. I would normally think that they couldn't yet know for sure, but then I was surprised to have a child who I care for come out to me at only 13. I mean, he was always very feminine, even as a baby and it was something most of us thought was a big possibility just because of his actions and the things he would talk about being confused about. Still, I expected him to start wondering at this age, but didn't figure he'd know for sure until he was several years older.

It's really a hard question since I haven't ever been there myself. Some are gay I think and then there are the ones who just want attention from it and try the gay thing for a while and finally decide it isn't for them. When I was a teen I had a female friend who would swear she was gay when males were around, but just with the girls she was BOY CRAZY! She finally got tired of using that for male attention and came out as a full blown straight girl. Lol. I think people who treat it like it's something they can just be one day and not be the next causes a lot of confusion...
12/10/2011
Contributor: JackRaiden JackRaiden
Quote:
Originally posted by Chirple
I think what people often overlook is that sexuality can change, and that's okay.

Some people change, some don't. There are plenty of people who knew BEFORE puberty that they were "gay". There are people who do genuinely go ... more
Well said.

I feel like people's sexuality and preferences are constantly being modified, some much more/faster than others. Whether they will listen/admit to it, or label themselves gay/bi is another story. Edit: More /'s. ///
12/10/2011
Contributor: Jroc Jroc
I knew I was bi when I was 13, so yeah.
12/10/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Chirple
I think what people often overlook is that sexuality can change, and that's okay.

Some people change, some don't. There are plenty of people who knew BEFORE puberty that they were "gay". There are people who do genuinely go ... more
This is a great comment! It said what I came to comment, but much better!
12/10/2011
Contributor: neon neon
absolutely!
12/10/2011
Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Personally, it is a matter of "experimentation" at this age. I had my first and longest boyfriend when I was in the sixth grade, I believe I was about 12 or 13. It was at this time that I also discovered I was a crossdresser.

I have also found that I have less of an attraction to women during that time. I have been bi, I even called myself straight. However some children may sway back to being straight, and then some may continue being gay or even go on to being bi to appreciate the best of two worlds. So my vote... YES! (Even though it may be considered "Experimentation")
12/11/2011
Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
OH! P.S. I knew one kid on my street... she calls herself bisexual... but she has never to this day been with a female. So some kinds fall into the gay/ bi community just to sound like they are cool or something almost as if it is a fad...
12/11/2011
Contributor: Girly Girl Girly Girl
if he has an interest with boys he might feel the same way as he grows up ,,, if females turn you on ,in your puberty there's a possibility you get turn on today by an attractive woman there's no way , a kid can feel he is gay if he not ,, and there's nothing wrong with that ,, hey feel that way at a tender age , but if he is a young man ,he likes boys, if he turn on with boys but he is not gay that's weird
12/11/2011
Contributor: switzerland switzerland
i mean, who am i to judge. but i really think your gender and sexual preference is something you are born with. things and circumstances can change your preference, for sure, but i definitely think kids know what they are talking about. usually, they are completely unbiased and i believe them
12/11/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
I started having crushes on women in grade school and summer camp, always on adult female authority figures. They were emotional crushes, romantic and physical but not explicitly sexual. It wasn't until I hit puberty that I became interested in girls my own age. In both cases I could always tell that those feelings were different than the way I felt about my friends, male or female, but I didn't have the language to identify them until later.

I think kids are aware of their interests and attractions. However, when you're growing up things change so rapidly it can be hard to identify the patterns that we use as adults to define orientations. I think the healthy thing for a kid to do is acknowledge what they like at the moment, but don't lock into an identity so early on unless it's becoming a clear, consistent pattern.
12/16/2011
Contributor: null null
I think it is possible, but pre-puberty it might just be a passing phase.
12/16/2011
Contributor: LeeBee LeeBee
I depends on the kid. Before a child hits puberty, sexuality is likely to change, but if a kid seems attracted to the same sex it could be a good indication that he or she is gay. I've been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember, but my best friend only realized her attraction a year ago. It differs for everyone, and it's hard to peg anything relating to sexuality as a sure thing at a young age, but children certainly can be gay.
12/17/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I had my first crush on a real person of the same gender when I was 15 and that's when I figured it out. I can remember being attracted to girls before, but I never really gave it much thought. If I think about it now, I always had a thing for Punky Brewster and Samantha on Who's the Boss (Soleil Moonfrye and Alyssa Milano, respectfully). I was between 5 and 10 when I watched those shows. I also had a thing for Fred, and then later, Ben Savage too. So yeah.

I married a man and never really gave much thought to my orientation until about 15 months ago. My attractions have never changed though, just how I viewed orientation.
12/19/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
At such a young age, I would hope they aren't going to stick too much to a label. Labels can be very damaging to young kids, forcing them to "live a lie".
12/19/2011
Contributor: Gingy Gingy
I knew I liked women all along
12/19/2011
Contributor: RavenWolf88 RavenWolf88
For me, I have always known that I like women.
12/21/2011
Contributor: Willow Wand Willow Wand
I am pansexual. I just recently learned this, but I ALWAYS thought I was bisexual.
12/25/2011
Contributor: Lucky21 Lucky21
I think that people can realize that. I knew I was straight when I was 13. But then again, I was fully grown and shaving at 13, so I might be the exception, not the rule.
12/25/2011
Contributor: LittleTree LittleTree
Bah, I don't think I have good words for this, but here it goes: I think you may be thinking too much about "sexuality". I remember, as a fairly small child, being disappointed when a babysitter told me that girls couldn't marry girls. I certainly wasn't sexually aware, but I had a vague idea of who I wanted to fall in love with (which was quickly discarded and suppressed until, yes, the mad burst of teenage hormones brought it out again later). Love and sexuality aren't all about the sexual act.
12/28/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
Yes I believe children can be gay/bisexual/etc
01/02/2012
Contributor: Snozzberries Snozzberries
I never actually knew about being pansexual before this thread, but... that's me. Alright then.

My gay friend said he's known from a young age he was gay, so I think it's possible to have feelings like that even without knowing the dating / sexual aspect.
01/02/2012
Contributor: Entropy Entropy
Wow I'm the only one that voted that I didn't know I was bi until later. I never seriously considered having sex with another man until I was nearly 30. The situation presented itself to me and I just kind of jumped on it. Pun intended. That's how I am though; I'll try almost anything that's thrown at me at least once. If I don't like it, I move on. If I do like it, well then I have something else to explain to my family.
01/03/2012