Hi all, my wife and I are happily married, but she sometimes finds women attractive. We have talked about it on many occasions and I fully support her 100% with pursuing anything she wants to with the same sex, and she knows this. She recently met a lesbian woman who she finds very attractive, but they don't know each other very well yet. My wife may be interested in talking with her and seeing where things may end up, however neither one of us are sure how she would take it knowing that my wife is married. I have no issue with it, and don't need to be personally involved in any way, but what do you all think? Will that be a barrier for her in things like this? Is there a good way to address it?
My Wife Likes a Woman, Advice?
01/17/2013
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That is very difficult, especially since the woman may not be interested in dating someone who is married. I think when she explains it, she needs to stress that you will not be involved and that you also have no problem with it, because personally, I would be like "oh so they're one of those straight couples that thinks lesbians are hot, perfect," or, alternatively, that you had no idea and that your wife was really just trying to experiment. She should be careful that she doesn't give either of those impressions. The other woman may feel disrespected.
01/19/2013
Personally, as a lesbian, i've been propositioned by women like your wife before and for me and most lesbians i know, it's a deal breaker. For most of us, it's difficult because we know there is no long-term partner potential. This is a fling, friends with benefits, or at most a poly relationship where we will be a secondary partner. Personally, i'm not interested in being anyone's "something on the side" and i'm not interested in polyamory, although there's nothing wrong with that.
i guess my point here is that your wife needs to explain what, if any, the expectations for the future might be. Is this a one time thing or is is she hoping for a long-term secondary poly parter? Something in between? Or just see what happens? And she should beware that some women, possibly many, just aren't going to be interested in a relationship without the potential of a long term monogamous relationship down the road. Communication and setting expectations are vital. There is nothing wrong with polyamory and it's a perfectly valid relationship and lifestyle choice. More and more people are finding that it works for them and you may very well encounter women who are on board with that plan. But don't try to push anyone down that path if they aren't 100% comfortable with polyamory and, specifically, the version of poly that you and your wife are interested in. While poly works great for many folks, it's truly not for everyone.
i guess my point here is that your wife needs to explain what, if any, the expectations for the future might be. Is this a one time thing or is is she hoping for a long-term secondary poly parter? Something in between? Or just see what happens? And she should beware that some women, possibly many, just aren't going to be interested in a relationship without the potential of a long term monogamous relationship down the road. Communication and setting expectations are vital. There is nothing wrong with polyamory and it's a perfectly valid relationship and lifestyle choice. More and more people are finding that it works for them and you may very well encounter women who are on board with that plan. But don't try to push anyone down that path if they aren't 100% comfortable with polyamory and, specifically, the version of poly that you and your wife are interested in. While poly works great for many folks, it's truly not for everyone.
02/07/2013
Total posts: 3
Unique posters: 3