The New Intimacy

Would you consider yourself a Lesbian?

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Contributor: Sweet-Justice Sweet-Justice
I'm a female in a relationship with another female. And while I often have to explain to people that I'm into girls but not a lesbian(I'm pan-sexual) it gets old.
I was just wondering if anyone else was in a "Lesbian" relationship that isn't a lesbian?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I'm a Lesbian in a Lesbian Relationship
ButchAndFemme , DeliciousSurprise , Madeira , Tess , blissfulqueen , Lif3sambiguity , mnc5051 , Skimmie , Vagiscrumptious , lezergirl , vanillaSpice , StrapOnStud , Triple X Moma , monkeylover621 , CherryDyke , wrecklesswords , Vanille , Nerdydyke , DoubleDyke , Gingy , Rawhide , Ice1 , Katelyn , neon , LeeBee , bubblegum , reknit , djdoomgirl , zecookiepuss , MsRigby , marshmallow , zz1aag , Demonise , ginainohio , Equae , SassySam , fernwehh , Lori Gonzales , skippywashere , sugar&spikes , Isis29 , Nootnoot , unoriginalgirlyid , DaniDeee , LoneOokami , redbows
46  (55%)
I'm BIOLOGICALY a man, but I'm in a lesbian relationship
MasterBlaster , ~inner~Rhonda~
2  (2%)
I'm a man in a threesom relationship with two women/lesbians
I'm a Bisexual or Pan Sexual Women in a Relationship with another Women
Sweet-Justice , Darling Jen , Midway through , PuplePleasures , kermi91 , Faith , gothikstars , Eliza , Lady Neshamah , Daisy768 , Brosia , Fishie Princess , mizzmilla , Graniteal , PirateofPenance , mystepmotherisafish , nori , Billie Bones , TheirPet , CamelliaGirl , lesglitter , quantumspork , I Am Sherlocked , FunFantasys
24  (29%)
I'm Bi or Pan but consider myself a lesbian once in a relationship
adelric , Destri , Lavendar Menace , PrettyChicka , Jenniae09 , frisky069 , voenne , Tangerine , Princess Zelda , smlove , padmeamidala , goodiegoody
12  (14%)
Total votes: 84
Poll is closed
10/20/2010
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Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
I just got out of a relationship with another female-bodied person. But I've never once considered myself a lesbian. Sometimes I felt more bi, others I felt more heteroflexible, but in general I'm pansexual. And I know what you mean about getting really annoyed with having to define yourself, explain terminology, and then defend a subculture that "regular, straight people" don't bother to acknowledge or understand because it doesn't apply to them.

(Disclaimer: Not all straight people are that close-minded. Especially here at EF there are a lot of really smart, really understanding people. But where I live in military-town, South, USA, it's not the norm.)
10/22/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
I consider myself homoflexible. I'm attracted to feminine women and feminine men... I'm a genderqueer femme, so basically I dig other people who also like skirts and sparkly makeup
10/22/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
I'm not a lesbian, nor am I bi, I happily explain to people what Pan-sexual is, and that I am one. I tell them I'm neither bi nor lesbian, because that's limited to either two genders, or to girls, but rather, that I don't have gendered boundaries.
10/22/2010
Contributor: SexyySarah SexyySarah
I'm not a lesbian, but I am very bi-curious. I think the female body is very sexy and is a major turn on for me. I would never consider engaging in an actual relationship with a woman though. It is strictly a visual turn on.
10/22/2010
Contributor: blissfulqueen blissfulqueen
I don't really like to label myself. If I had to, I am either pansexual, or slighly bi/mostly lesbian. I am getting out of an almost 11 year marriage to a man, and about 6 years into my marriage, I finally came to my senses and realizes that I truly [still] like women. Towards the end of my marriage, my husband more or less, had an open marriage - he had his girlfriends... I had mine... These were more than just sex for me, these were actual viable emotional/sexual relationships with women. I'm not really sexually attracted to men anymore -- some of the best emotional/sexual relationships, I have ever had in my life, have been with women.
10/24/2010
Contributor: Lif3sambiguity Lif3sambiguity
100% lesbian and loving it. I slept with plenty of guys while i was still in the closest just about 2 years ago and it was never worth it. I was just hiding behind the social definitions of a heterosexual lifestyle. I probably have known I was gay and/or attracted to women since grade school.
11/01/2010
Contributor: mnc5051 mnc5051
Quote:
Originally posted by Lif3sambiguity
100% lesbian and loving it. I slept with plenty of guys while i was still in the closest just about 2 years ago and it was never worth it. I was just hiding behind the social definitions of a heterosexual lifestyle. I probably have known I was gay ... more
I love you Baby, great post!!! Although I too have slept with guys I would never consider myself bi, pan, or straight; the thought of being anything other then a pussy licking, loving lesbian makes my physically ill.
11/02/2010
Contributor: Lif3sambiguity Lif3sambiguity
Quote:
Originally posted by mnc5051
I love you Baby, great post!!! Although I too have slept with guys I would never consider myself bi, pan, or straight; the thought of being anything other then a pussy licking, loving lesbian makes my physically ill.
<3 !!!
11/02/2010
Contributor: kermi91 kermi91
I don't feel like I can categorize myself. I definitely want to think I'm a lesbian, but life is crazy and you never know what could happen. I certainly never thought I would end up dating women, as sure as I wanted to be about loving men in the past. Who's to say I couldn't fall for "the right man" in the future.

I'm a lesbian for all intents and purposes and definitely have a preference for women but I keep it open because you never know.
11/10/2010
Contributor: Eliza Eliza
Quote:
Originally posted by mnc5051
I love you Baby, great post!!! Although I too have slept with guys I would never consider myself bi, pan, or straight; the thought of being anything other then a pussy licking, loving lesbian makes my physically ill.
This is too cute.
12/03/2010
Contributor: Eliza Eliza
I try to avoid labels, but I suppose I would most closely identify with pansexual. I don't think sex/gender should determine who I fall in love with. As long as I'm emotionally/mentally attracted to the person and we are compatible, I know we can make it work.
12/03/2010
Contributor: Lady Neshamah Lady Neshamah
yes i am totally in love with a few women but i wouldn't say that i am a lesbian.
12/06/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Your answers are not diverse enough for my taste, sorry, so I couldn't vote. Perhaps just n "other" option would be a good thing to think about in the future.

My answer is, I am a lesbian, in a loving, STRAIGHT relationship with a man. That won't make sense to many people, but that's how it is!
12/07/2010
Contributor: lezergirl lezergirl
Im such a to-the-definition lesbian.
01/28/2011
Contributor: Brosia Brosia
I honestly have no idea what label actually fits me. I'm mostly pansexual (with the exception of hetero cisgendered manly men, they just never did it for me) in a relationship with a female-bodied genderqueer. People understand "Lesbian" a lot easier than they understand all that.
05/20/2011
Contributor: BadassFatass BadassFatass
I have been in relationships with women but have never considered myself a lesbian because I'm also attracted to people of other genders. Being in a relationship doesn't negate my sexuality.
05/20/2011
Contributor: gingernicole gingernicole
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
I'm a female in a relationship with another female. And while I often have to explain to people that I'm into girls but not a lesbian(I'm pan-sexual) it gets old.
I was just wondering if anyone else was in a "Lesbian" ... more
I'm a single lesbian so I can't vote.
06/26/2011
Contributor: Alyxx Alyxx
I say "bisexual" because I got tired of trying to explain "pansexual."
06/26/2011
Contributor: Puss in Boots Puss in Boots
I'm pansexual, and I consider myself pansexual regardless of the gender of my significant other. Being with a woman does not make me a lesbian any more than being with a man makes me straight.
08/05/2011
Contributor: frisky069 frisky069
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
I'm a female in a relationship with another female. And while I often have to explain to people that I'm into girls but not a lesbian(I'm pan-sexual) it gets old.
I was just wondering if anyone else was in a "Lesbian" ... more
i normally still consider myself bi sexual either way, but when i'm with a women, i would say i'm lesbian because i don't look at other men or women in either way. Just the women i'm dating
08/06/2011
Contributor: EdenG EdenG
Quote:
Originally posted by Sweet-Justice
I'm a female in a relationship with another female. And while I often have to explain to people that I'm into girls but not a lesbian(I'm pan-sexual) it gets old.
I was just wondering if anyone else was in a "Lesbian" ... more
Not Lesbian, but I do support all loving relationships whether it's gender related or multiple partners etc. Be who you are!
08/07/2011
Contributor: monkeylover621 monkeylover621
Yes I consider myself a lesbian. I started "labeling" myself lesbian since I was 11 but I knew back then that I never liked boys/men. Currently in a long term relationship and very happy
09/06/2011
Contributor: JRabbits JRabbits
hmm, personally I think if your a girl and only date girls than you are a lesbian. But that's just me.
09/06/2011
Contributor: CherryDyke CherryDyke
I only date girls, and therefor label myself a lesbian.
09/07/2011
Contributor: mizzmilla mizzmilla
I'm open to anyone, biology's never really mattered to me. But I'm currently in a relationship with another female, and hope to stay in it for the rest of time, but I've dated males before so I wouldn't consider myself a true lesbian
09/12/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
I'm a dyke, and I'm kinda unclear as to what a "lesbian relationship" is. If I had to define it as it stands, I would guess that it's a relationship comprised entirely of lesbians. Everyone involved is a lesbian.

I like the term "same sex" relationship- it tells you this is a relationship between two people of the same sex, without referencing the sexual orientation of either one. Because sexual orientations tend to fluctuate for lots of women, it gives people a way to reference or name the relationship that they are in or desire to be in without making them commit to a complete change of identity. You can easily enter into a same sex relationship with a woman without having to adopt the lesbian identity.

I also like the term "queer"- which to me indicates things that are non-normative. Queer is the overarching current that touches all of my interactions. The women I have relationships with are queer. I even find that I can enjoy certain kinds of interactions with men, but only if those men are also queer.

Regarding pansexual- I like this term, but I agree, it's hard for most people to understand or explain. Here is my best approximation: Pansexuality is basically like bisexuality with the acknowledgement that there are more than two genders.
09/13/2011
Contributor: PassionCpl PassionCpl
'Other'. We're a married bi couple, more or less equally attracted to males and females (although we both lean towards the opposite sex) but consider ourselves to be bisexual.
11/06/2011
Contributor: mudpie mudpie
I identify as queer, but when I'm in a relationship with a woman, my attraction to men doesn't just go away. Ditto if I'm dating a man. It would make me really uncomfortable if someone told me I couldn't identify as queer just because I was in a relationship with a man, because of my past history with the queer community, with dating women, and with suffering prejudice due to my sexuality. So if I'm dating a woman, I still have the right to be attracted to men and to not call myself a lesbian. (That said, sometimes I use the word "lesbian" for shorthand because although I'm attracted to people of all genders, I primarily date women and am not looking to date cisgendered men right now. But that's my choice to make, and I'd be upset if someone slapped the label on me without my consent.)
11/14/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
Your orientation is about your potential- the pool of people who are potential sexual/romantic interests for you. If you are pansexual, that pool is huge, so unless you want to change your orientation each time your relationship changes (I would consider that exhausting, but hey, it works for some folks) I would keep identifying as pansexual no matter who you are currently with.
11/25/2011